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  1. #1
    Blast from the Past Voodoo76's Avatar
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    Marriage all but over

    My wife pretty much laid it out tonight. The last few years have been tough, she has had a lot of health problems. I really thought I had done everything to stand by her, but apparently not enough. The hatred and vitrol really surprised me. Pretty much everything I do or say ridiculed.

    7 year old son got to see and hear it all.

    For dudes who have gone thru this, does to shock wear off after a bit? Not sure where to start.

  2. #2
    tired donnamb's Avatar
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    "Real wars of words are harder to win. They require thought, insight, precision, articulation, knowledge, and experience. They require the humility to admit when you are wrong. They recognize that the dialectic is not about making us look at you, but about us all looking together for the truth."

  3. #3
    Banned. red house's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voodoo76 View Post
    My wife pretty much laid it out tonight. The last few years have been tough, she has had a lot of health problems. I really thought I had done everything to stand by her, but apparently not enough. The hatred and vitrol really surprised me. Pretty much everything I do or say ridiculed.

    7 year old son got to see and hear it all.

    For dudes who have gone thru this, does to shock wear off after a bit? Not sure where to start.



    sorry man... especially for your son. I think I would start with him... try to make sure he doesn't find himself in the middle of you two - like what was apparently done tonight. It's not fair for a child to be ripped in two by each parent when they seperate and then each try to pull the child along with them in the process.

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    Blast from the Past Voodoo76's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by red house View Post
    sorry man... especially for your son. I think I would start with him... try to make sure he doesn't find himself in the middle of you two - like what was apparently done tonight. It's not fair for a child to be ripped in two by each parent when they seperate and then each try to pull the child along with them in the process.
    Yea, he asked me if we are divorced. I said I dont think so, he said "I'll take that as a yes".

  5. #5
    Senior Member EatMyA**'s Avatar
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    Let it go just say "F*** her" and figure out how to get a good quantity of time with your son.
    -spend more time with "THE BOYS" yeah!
    -after the divorce buy new toys yeah!
    -buy all the toys you always wanted. yeah!
    -ask out the hottie at the cafe you have always been eye'ing but did not make a move because you "were married"
    -bang every one. yeah!
    -do whatever the hell you want, YOURE FREE AGAIN. YEAH! Or....

    if your typical, you'll be pissed for the better part of a year year and a half.
    -then you'll accept it and still be pissed, for a year, year and half.
    -then you'll be relieved and still be pissed, for about a year, year and a half.
    -then you just wont care and laugh when you remember how pissed you got over this. Or...

    you can do stupid things that are baseless, made up, and completely stupid (I have only observed this type of behavior on guys that are on ANTI-DEPRESSANTS)
    -think that no other woman is gonna want you
    -think that your kids are gonna hate you
    -get suicidal tendencies.
    -get remarried with someone you hardly know. (falls under suicidal tendencies)

    oh and if you're on anti depressants, get off of them. dont worry millons of people go through this "its normal" youre in good company.
    Last edited by EatMyA**; 05-17-08 at 12:17 AM. Reason: I suck at spelling.

  6. #6
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EatMyA** View Post
    Let it go just say "F*** her" and figure out how to get a good quantity of time with your son.
    -spend more time with "THE BOYS" yeah!
    -after the divorce buy new toys yeah!
    -buy all the toys you always wanted. yeah!
    -ask out the hottie at the cafe you have always been eye'ing but did not make a move because you "were married"
    -bang every one. yeah!
    -do whatever the hell you want, YOURE FREE AGAIN. YEAH! Or....

    if your typical, you'll be pissed for the better part of a year year and a half.
    -then you'll accept it and still be pissed, for a year, year and half.
    -then you'll be relieved and still be pissed, for about a year, year and a half.
    -then you just wont care and laugh when you remember how pissed you got over this. Or...

    you can do stupid things that are baseless, made up, and completely stupid (I have only observed this type of behavior on guys that are on ANTI-DEPRESSANTS)
    -think that no other woman is gonna want you
    -think that your kids are gonna hate you
    -get suicidal tendencies.
    -get remarried with someone you hardly know. (falls under suicidal tendencies)

    oh and if you're on anti depressants, get off of them. dont worry millons of people go through this "its normal" youre in good company.

    OOOOYYYYY!!! Daa-aaaam! WTH is THIS?!?!?! WHEW!!

    <takes a deep breath>

    I'm sorry your son witnessed, although I'm sure he has been aware of problems leading up to this.

    Time to recoup and ... seriously take some time for yourself. And heal. I've been thru some hell and back and anger and all the other elements that accompany really eat you up. Go heal. And be there for your son - and really really try to not let him be involved in another blow up. Feel for ya dood. Take care.

  7. #7
    Senior Member referee54's Avatar
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    I am terribly sorry to hear this--for all involved. ou need to contact a lawyer to protect your rights...usually the first visit is free (at least around here.) You also need to lay some ground rules down so that your son is as hurt as little as posible. Volunteer to seea marriage cousnelor to see if you can save it.

    I haven't gone through this, but a very close friend of mine did, and he ended up looking like a death camp survivor (I am not at all kidding). While a lawyer is necessary, it also must be said that they live for billable hours, and the two will cost both of you time, money, and stress. Be as mature as you can about it so that your son can have as normal of a life as possible.

    Hang in there--just like the AA creed, you need to take it one day at a time...I hope that the battle is clean and quick, and I will pray for all of you.

    Tim C.
    We don't stop playing because we get old; we get old because we stop playing.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Banned formula4's Avatar
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    Donno. But you are from SA I see. We should ride.

  9. #9
    Last one to the top... Little Darwin's Avatar
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    If you want to save it, then your course is pretty clear. Do whatever it takes to save it.

    If not, then things get cloudier. Then I would suggest that you search yourself to decide whether you really want to save the relationship, and then if you do go back to the top.

    If not, then take the steps to facilitate the break as smoothly and painlessly as possible for all involved.
    Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

    People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  10. #10
    THC Freedom Fighter karmical's Avatar
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    Protect yourself, ie your assets bank accounts, savings, anything she can grab and make a dash with. Nothing like coming home and finding out your accounts have been emptied, and her gone on your money.

    My 19yo still remembers the night his mother told him "wake up we're going to taco bell" but ended up taking off instead.

    You also have to get over that "I've failed at marriage BS feeling" sometimes marriages just don't work, and you just have to move on..
    Smoke all you want too, we'll grow more...

  11. #11
    Just a student norsehabanero's Avatar
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    your bike will always love you, get out and ride ride ride
    and ride with your son the bike will help talk to several lawyers, that way it will limit any she can use
    been through a divorce it was ugly try to keep you son out of it (not always easy ) in the long run it will be better
    again ride your bike that you will always have and ride with your son and you cant go wrong with that
    http://www.thebicyclingguitarist.net.../bios/bike.gif about to start winter quarter , enjoying school so far

  12. #12
    2-Cyl, 1/2 HP @ 90 RPM slvoid's Avatar
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    Sell everything to your parents for a buck! Quick!

  13. #13
    Portland Fred banerjek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by red house View Post
    sorry man... especially for your son. I think I would start with him... try to make sure he doesn't find himself in the middle of you two - like what was apparently done tonight. It's not fair for a child to be ripped in two by each parent when they seperate and then each try to pull the child along with them in the process.
    +1 Take care of the little guy first -- this will be really hard on him. You and your wife both owe him that no matter what happens.

  14. #14
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slvoid View Post
    Sell everything to your parents for a buck! Quick!
    Actually - that is NOT a bad idea.

  15. #15
    Faith-Vigilance-Service Patriot's Avatar
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    Never been divorced, but I have had problems in the past that we worked through. Or, she had to work through...

    Not to insult your wife, but dispite her health problems, it sounds like she needs a good arse kickin'.

    Seriously, if you have stood by her, and she still is on your case, then she is being very selfish. Marriage is about service to each other, and she sounds like she only wants service for her.

    If she can't learn this lesson before she divorces you....

    Then hire out a really good lookin' guy to hit on her, take her to bed, then smack her around a bit afterward like a cheap ho'.

    She'll be back to you in no time, realizing you're not all that bad, and that she was a stupid idiot.

    (just kidding)

    I really hope all works out. Maybe some decent marriage counselling would be in order. Do you have a church? They may be able to help.
    President, OCP
    --"Will you have some tea... at the theatre with me?"--

  16. #16
    . botto's Avatar
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    ^
    ^
    ^




    voodoo +whatever to redhouse's post about your son.

    good luck.

  17. #17
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by botto View Post
    ^
    ^
    ^




    voodoo +whatever to redhouse's post about your son.

    good luck.
    GOOD ONE!! And I agree, maybe not to whom it's referring to but more like including others as well.

  18. #18
    Faith-Vigilance-Service Patriot's Avatar
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    ^^^ I was kidding.

    My point (though joking), is his wife doesn't seem to care much about him or his son, especially if doing what she did in front of him seemed so easy for her to accomplish in such a vitriolic manner.

    No "OMG" is necessary. When it comes to people (like her) who think so little of their marriages, I run fresh out of pity.

    Go see a counselor.
    President, OCP
    --"Will you have some tea... at the theatre with me?"--

  19. #19
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voodoo76 View Post
    My wife pretty much laid it out tonight. The last few years have been tough, she has had a lot of health problems. I really thought I had done everything to stand by her, but apparently not enough. The hatred and vitrol really surprised me. Pretty much everything I do or say ridiculed.

    7 year old son got to see and hear it all.


    For dudes who have gone thru this, does to shock wear off after a bit? Not sure where to start.

    Re-read.

    Have gone thru the shock - and because I was the dumb arse and said OK, we'll try it again and work it out - um let's just say more than 7-9 times (yeah - ex husband had other agendas - I'm trying to go to school, work full time and keep the house going and he's out there with Bimbos, booze and a non-work ethic) - uh - and it hurt the same each time till....

    I said "No". Simple word. No. No more crap.

    Did it hurt, yes. Even more hurting when you dwell on it. And a good kick in the ribs too is when you think you're doing OK, breathe in and out ahhhhhhhhh, and I drive by the bar right around the corner from my house and see the idiot's harley there with TWO helmets on it.

    Bitter ... then, yes, but well over it now - oh hell yeah!! Be strong - it does hurt, but you have to be strong for the youngster - and be an adult about the whole thing too. When I get upset, I tend to let it all hang out - therefore, I try NOT to do that. And I would say - it would be a good thing for you as well.

    {{{VIBES!!!******

  20. #20
    Senior Member EatMyA**'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by karmical View Post
    Protect yourself, ie your assets bank accounts, savings, anything she can grab and make a dash with. Nothing like coming home and finding out your accounts have been emptied, and her gone on your money.
    +1 but he probably "feels" bad like most guys and will ignore that until its too late.

    forget saving that marriage if its bad now its gonna only gonna get worse. she wont change, and its gonna be worse for the kids. Usually when the wife snaps at you out of the blue she either wants you to assert yourself as man, or she already has another sucker in line. When its this bad its most likely the later. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. It has nothing to do with you.

    Make no mistake women are the STRONGER sex. when they want something or someone bad enough, NOTHING will stop them. they will get it. no matter who they have to crush in the process, even their own offspring.


    No it wont bother your kid too much at all actually....IF YOU SEE HIM A LOT! If you don't see him thats when they feel abandoned. and by alot I mean like every day. I see people go to the gym 6 days a week, but only visit their kid on weekends. Take it like a training routine and spend time with the little guy.

    Last of all REMAIN POSITIVE. It was the end of something good yes. It sucks. But its also the beginning of something more beautiful. I think its time for you to upgrade to a newer better model.

    Like this one crappy frame I had It was an 80's schwwin letour, top tube dented, gold and brown, damaged fork, oh it was ugly as hell. I loved that frame and drove it for several years. That ugly frame did give me good times. Then it broke under the pressure. I was very sad but then I upgraded to a newer bike with new components and its even a more beautiful experience.
    Last edited by EatMyA**; 05-17-08 at 01:13 PM. Reason: I suck so you dont have to.

  21. #21
    Senior Member EatMyA**'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
    Re-read.

    Have gone thru the shock - and because I was the dumb arse and said OK, we'll try it again and work it out - um let's just say more than 7-9 times (yeah - ex husband had other agendas - I'm trying to go to school, work full time and keep the house going and he's out there with Bimbos, booze and a non-work ethic) - uh - and it hurt the same each time till....

    I said "No". Simple word. No. No more crap.

    Did it hurt, yes. Even more hurting when you dwell on it. And a good kick in the ribs too is when you think you're doing OK, breathe in and out ahhhhhhhhh, and I drive by the bar right around the corner from my house and see the idiot's harley there with TWO helmets on it.

    Bitter ... then, yes, but well over it now - oh hell yeah!! Be strong - it does hurt, but you have to be strong for the youngster - and be an adult about the whole thing too. When I get upset, I tend to let it all hang out - therefore, I try NOT to do that. And I would say - it would be a good thing for you as well.

    {{{VIBES!!!******
    Daaaaamm! WTH was THAT!? Been there done that, huh? makes you smarter don't it?

  22. #22
    Air
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    Destroyer of Wheels Air's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear this - sending support.

    I absolutely agree with those that say close your accounts, cancel your credit cards, etc... It sounds that she's angry enough you may do well taking your son and moving out. Possession is 9/10th the law and the courts usually **** fathers - you'll need all the help you can get. My brother was wiped clean of everything he had before he even got to the courthouse with no money to pay for a lawyer or anything else and then had to hand over a large sum of money every month. It's a sad state of society but protecting yourself and taking care of your son need to be your first two priorities. Along those lines there's something about posting a notice in the paper saying that you are separated and she can not take out any credit against you.

  23. #23
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EatMyA** View Post
    Daaaaamm! WTH was THAT!? Been there done that, huh? makes you smarter don't it?
    Unfortunately ... yes. Had one hell of a rollercoaster ride with the ex-husband. I still shake my head when I realize what I went thru. Stronger/smarter - hella yeah!

  24. #24
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    I hate to advise this, as seems cold... but see a divorce attorney ASAP for advice. As in now. See how you can protect yourself and your son, if she does try to take all the community property as stated above.

  25. #25
    Village Idiot
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    I really hope you can work things out.

    People sometimes get stressed out and burst, so I'm really hoping that you guys can actually 'talk' without the accompanying BS and actually figure out what's up and what you can do about it.
    Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.
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