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Old 06-27-08, 06:34 PM   #1
efrobert
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What's the point?

So I'm driving around and I see all these Fireworks stands poping up all over the place. Back East fireworks are illegal, so I was excited to see that they're legal here in Colorado. Well I stop at a big fireworks stand, and all I see are crapy sparklers and fountains.
I was like, "So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis. Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
What's the point of having legal fireworks if you only make the crapy ones legal. Fireworks are great for thinning the herd. Natural selection is a thing of the past I guess.
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Old 06-27-08, 06:54 PM   #2
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Fireworks suck in Colorado, we would go up to Wyoming to get the good stuff. Missouri has the best firework selection, every better then Texas.
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Old 06-27-08, 06:57 PM   #3
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They suck here in CA too.
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Old 06-27-08, 07:05 PM   #4
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Just go down to Baja California for the good stuff.
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Old 06-27-08, 07:52 PM   #5
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Just go down to Baja California for the good stuff.
Hope they don't catch you at customs.
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Old 06-27-08, 08:26 PM   #6
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Its nice here in Mn. We can drive across the river to 'Sconi get the big bangers and skip back home.
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Old 06-27-08, 08:28 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by efrobert View Post
So I'm driving around and I see all these Fireworks stands poping up all over the place. Back East fireworks are illegal, so I was excited to see that they're legal here in Colorado. Well I stop at a big fireworks stand, and all I see are crapy sparklers and fountains.
I was like, "So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis. Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
What's the point of having legal fireworks if you only make the crapy ones legal. Fireworks are great for thinning the herd. Natural selection is a thing of the past I guess.
You do know your red-falootin' blue blursting triple ball eye shattering ear splinter pipe dream descriptions!!!

My brothers ordered them on line. Ex husband had a @#$%^& hardened steel pipe thing made for him where he pounded gunpowder into it between layers of paper, cloth, etc. And with each successful WTF boom, the more was added to the mix. Until ... one day I came home from something to find his buddies all laughing and I hear the familiar pounding noise. Yep, Magic Chef is at it again. Ugh. Fruitless explosions of nothing (no color, etc - just boom).

Went in the house and heard no pounding ... until BOOOOOOMMM!!!!

Holy crap!!! Ran outside ... to find not one idiot present ... leaves were falling off the trees - not a sound in the city neighborhood - and then I spied the still smoking 10" hole in the back yard (this city backyard backs up to 3 garages and is slightly larger than the office cubicle - TEENY!). Look down at smoking hole and then hear a fragile women's voice, "is everyone OK dear?". OHH how embarassing - all the PERPS were in the basement hiding - and now I have to answer for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, the homemade cannon disappeared that day - hid it. And one year later he found it - and let it to someone - who used it - and was arrested and so said cannon was confiscated. Good riddance!!
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Old 06-27-08, 08:31 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by efrobert View Post
So I'm driving around and I see all these Fireworks stands poping up all over the place. Back East fireworks are illegal, so I was excited to see that they're legal here in Colorado. Well I stop at a big fireworks stand, and all I see are crapy sparklers and fountains.
I was like, "So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis. Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
What's the point of having legal fireworks if you only make the crapy ones legal. Fireworks are great for thinning the herd. Natural selection is a thing of the past I guess.
For everyone who doesn't get it, that's partly from "Joe Dirt", a Comedy Central favorite that may well be the worst movie ever.
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Old 06-27-08, 10:36 PM   #9
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You can get almost anything from the fireworks stands on the Washington state indian reservations.
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Old 06-27-08, 10:40 PM   #10
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Its nice here in Mn. We can drive across the river to 'Sconi get the big bangers and skip back home.
yessir that is true! I grew up in 'hoodbury, so I didn't even have a long way to jump the border.
In fact, I'm not even sure what MN has legalized, because we prettymuch pick up everything anyway?
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Old 06-27-08, 10:47 PM   #11
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At least you get something, here all I got is pop-its.
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Old 06-27-08, 10:59 PM   #12
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I don't get fireworks in general, they are expensive for the good ones and last about 5 seconds, I'm just going to take out a 50 and light it up.
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