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Old 07-17-08, 10:27 AM   #1
UnsafeAlpine
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Can I post another ranting Ex thread?

So while we were dating, I told her I'd try and fix her motorcycle for her in exchange for a bike frame. Then she broke up with me. We were living 300 miles apart, so I still had the motorcycle, but the weather this winter was god awful, so it had to wait until the spring. So this spring I got it fired up but the problem she was having with it wasn't showing up. The motorcycle isn't street legal, so I couldn't really ride it around. We talked about this, and there were two options. She could either give me the parts necessary to make it legal, or we could just let it be (it ran, and rode fine in the parking lot.) She decided to just let it be.

3 weeks ago, I hauled the motorcycle back to her. She rode it around and discovered it still had the problem. Last week, she asked if I would fix it for her. I told her yes (as I still felt like the trade wasn't fair), and then didn't hear anything more about it. Monday, she and I got into an argument about stupid crap, and I realized I'm still angry with her. (She really didn't break up with me so much as put us on hold, then maybe, then probably not, then almost certainly not...she basically just drug me around.) I told her on Monday night that I needed to deal with this alone, without her (thanks to great advice from Foosters ) and she said she'd just wait for me to get a hold of her again. Ok, fine.

Today, she IM'ed me.

Her (first IM, no hello, nothing)(9:56:22 AM): When do you think that you'll be able to work on the 50?

Me (9:57:39 AM): I'm not sure.

Her (9:58:01 AM): Can you narrow it down for me at all?

Me (10:00:24 AM): I know I said I'd do it for you, but I'm not sure I can do anything for you right now.

Her (10:01:26 AM): Look, I don't know what your major malfunction is, and since you won't talk to me, I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I need to get the 50 up and running and I was counting on you, since you said that you would do it for me in exchange for the Catamount.

Her (10:02:13 AM): I know that you're having problems with me and I'm trying to respect that, but I'm getting close to being in some serious financial trouble and it would really help to have money for the 50.

Her (10:04:15 AM): hello?



/rant
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Old 07-17-08, 10:30 AM   #2
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please, do post. We're on a roll today.

is it possible to trade her back, or is the frame in use?
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Old 07-17-08, 10:32 AM   #3
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You have to admit, this is a very a-typical "ex gf" issue.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:32 AM   #4
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Huh. You the only motorcycle fixer upper in that 300 mile radius?

I never went back and asked my ex-husband to come over and fix our plumbing problems, we called another plumber.

I never went back to ex-boyfriend to repaint a frame as he does it well, I found another guy to do it.

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Now get back to your thor saga.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:34 AM   #5
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please, do post. We're on a roll today.

is it possible to trade her back, or is the frame in use?
oh no, the frame is something I've been wanting for 13 years. I'll do whatever it takes to keep it.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:36 AM   #6
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Huh. You the only motorcycle fixer upper in that 300 mile radius?

I never went back and asked my ex-husband to come over and fix our plumbing problems, we called another plumber.

I never went back to ex-boyfriend to repaint a frame as he does it well, I found another guy to do it.

user




Now get back to your thor saga.
She gave it to me to work on when we were still dating, and I still had it when she broke up with me. As for the current situation, we were on very friendly terms until I realized how angry and hurt I still am, so that's why I agreed to finish it.

I was actually working on the next chapter when she IM'ed me. I just needed to get this off my chest before I could continue work...
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Old 07-17-08, 10:40 AM   #7
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I'll do whatever it takes to keep it.
Sounds like she knows this.

Have you gotten a second opinion the on the motorcycle? She might be playing games with you.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:42 AM   #8
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Sounds like she knows this.

Have you gotten a second opinion the on the motorcycle? She might be playing games with you.
I was there when it happened to her, and I have a pretty good idea of what needs to be fixed.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:47 AM   #9
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Old 07-17-08, 10:47 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by UnsafeAlpine View Post
So while we were dating, I told her I'd try and fix her motorcycle for her in exchange for a bike frame. Then she broke up with me.
Sounds to me like you fulfilled your contractual end of the bargain.

You tried. She gave you a bike frame. I see no guarantees of an operational, street legal motorcycle in your wording. Tell her she's S.O.L., and to quit calling you.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:54 AM   #11
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As hard as it may be, it sounds like it is time to put aside your negative feelings and repair the 50, esp. if you have an idea of what it may be. Maybe text her, telling her you have ONE LAST THING you can try and then you are done.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:54 AM   #12
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Sounds to me like you fulfilled your contractual end of the bargain.

You tried. She gave you a bike frame. I see no guarantees of an operational, street legal motorcycle in your wording. Tell her she's S.O.L., and to quit calling you.
+1

She shouldn't be bothering you with this. It sounds like she needs to get over you as well. You need to come clean with her and tell her you can't talk to her anymore because she is causing you too much anger and pain. She needs to find another mechanic. You can't do anything more for her because you need to move on with your life.

My 2 cents.
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Old 07-17-08, 11:01 AM   #13
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oh no, the frame is something I've been wanting for 13 years. I'll do whatever it takes to keep it.
sounds like you answered your own question, and you'll be hauling arse over there to work on it.
just wait till your ready and stand on strong ground: you're just doing your job. no more.
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Old 07-17-08, 11:04 AM   #14
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I told her I'd do it while she's at work. I also told her that I need time away from her. She was pissed because I hadn't talked to her in two days. I think she doesn't have a clue what she want's and wants to drag me along just in case she decides she wants to date me again.

she just sent me this...

her (11:02:23 AM): I can appreciate that you are feeling hurt and angry, just try to keep in mind how it all looks from my point of view. In half a day, you did a complete 180 turn around in the way that you treat me. And then when I ask you to follow through with something that you told me you were going to do, you told me that you couldn't do it right now. I'm trying to be understanding and as patient as I can while you figure things out, but the past few days have been a huge slap in the face for me.
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Old 07-17-08, 11:10 AM   #15
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oh no, the frame is something I've been wanting for 13 years. I'll do whatever it takes to keep it.
Since thats the case I think you just need to suck it up and fix her bike, maybe even pay someone to help, if you really want the frame.
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Old 07-17-08, 11:10 AM   #16
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it sounds like you're holding the bike hostage as a way to make her suffer a little extra.
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Old 07-17-08, 11:14 AM   #17
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I think you have to try to separate the issue with the bike and your personal relationship with her. Think of the bike trade as a business deal; you've got payment for the work, just do whatever you can to fix the bike and get it over with. As for her having to be "patient and understanding" and feeling like she was slapped in the face, well that's her problem, not yours, and she shouldn't be talking to you about it.
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Old 07-17-08, 12:58 PM   #18
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please, do post. We're on a roll today.
IMO, UnsafeAlpine can post all the threads about her he wants so long as it keeps him from resuming contact with her.
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Old 07-17-08, 01:06 PM   #19
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IMO, UnsafeAlpine can post all the threads about her he wants so long as it keeps him from resuming contact with her.
amen to that
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Old 07-17-08, 01:14 PM   #20
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From where I stand, you kinda do owe her a solid attempt to fix her bike since she gave you the frame. If you know what the problem is, just fix it. Here's a human being who claims to be over the coals in financial issues, and you have a way to help them. You don't have to offer a warranty on it, and you don't need to feel further indebted, but you kinda did give her the impression you'd fix it.

Fix the bike, and tell her to ride it off into the sunset...
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Old 07-17-08, 02:25 PM   #21
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There seem to be certain women that break off a relationship. That is fine.

There is a subset of those women that also want to maintain control of the men that they have broken off relationships with while acceptiong no responsibility...

When you figure out how to deal with that aspect, please let me know. In my case, I have stated that I would prefer that if she wants to run my life that she should move in, but that hasn't worked. Instead I get accused of being the one not committed to the relationship even though I was the one that moved across the country.

I have decided that I simply do not understand enough to make things work.

So, I will suggest my latest strategy... Do what you can, and don't worry about the rest.
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Old 07-17-08, 02:36 PM   #22
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From where I stand, you kinda do owe her a solid attempt to fix her bike since she gave you the frame. If you know what the problem is, just fix it. Here's a human being who claims to be over the coals in financial issues, and you have a way to help them. You don't have to offer a warranty on it, and you don't need to feel further indebted, but you kinda did give her the impression you'd fix it.

Fix the bike, and tell her to ride it off into the sunset...
Agreed - except I thought UA was the one with the tight finances.

If you need a part or two to fix what you think is wrong, find out the cost, ask her to help pay for that, and remind her that you're contributing the labor.
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Old 07-17-08, 02:43 PM   #23
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I'd give the frame back to her in a hearbeat just to get out from under whatever committment she's still holding over you...

...says the divorcee paying a custom frame worth every MONTH to the ex...
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Old 07-17-08, 02:48 PM   #24
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...says the divorcee paying a custom frame worth every MONTH to the ex...
ditto...

I wish I had the $6,000 per year I am paying to the person that spent all of my money for over 20 years...
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Old 07-17-08, 03:03 PM   #25
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Dude, you've got her motorcycle.

HER motorcycle. Your ex's motorcycle.

Either give it back fixed, or give it back with a recommendation for a shop.
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