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  1. #1
    Descends Like Avalanche HigherGround's Avatar
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    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

    A few months ago, one of my neighbors invited me to a birthday party for her husband. They are both in their 60's. He has had both legs amputated near the knees due to complications from diabetes, and he is bed-ridden. In addition, his hands are also a bit contorted. I had only met him once before, and I didn't know him that well, so I was having a hard time thinking of a good gift.

    I decided on a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I figured that between reading material, music, DVD's, etc, there would be something that he would like. In addition, you can buy from them on-line, and they have a store less than 10 miles away. When his wife asked where the local store was, I gave her directions, but also offered to pick something up for them. It's right across from the gym where I go, so it's not a big problem for me to stop there.

    Well, his wife stopped me last week, and asked if I could pick up some magazines "with pictures of sexy ladies" for her husband. Ummm, okay; I had pretty much already committed myself in advance. I tried to clarify exactly which magazines she meant - something like Maxim, or something packaged in a plastic wrapper? Her answer was equally vague.

    Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely not passing judgment on the guy. But I'm going to feel a bit deviant going in to purchase multiple magazines of that style with a gift card. Double entendre aside, it's kind of like the proverbial old woman* and cats: she gets one, no problem. Start collecting four or five at a time, and it looks a little weird. I'll probably keep the card for myself, and buy an equivalent amount with cash. At least that way it won't look like I received the gift card myself, and out of all the awesome products in the building, that was the only thing I wanted.

    Then the other question is what exactly to get. I don't want to get him something other than what he wants, but I don't want to "over do" it and give him a heart attack or look like a perv.



    * to avoid any confusion from my analogy, I am a dude.
    The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Allen's Avatar
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    Penthouse

    [\skeeve]
    Quote Originally Posted by unterhausen
    I believe that in this case "solid meh" means "so 'meh' that it could never be anything more than 'meh', and yet also no less than 'meh' -- in a word, exactly 'meh'"

  3. #3
    Villainous huerro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HigherGround View Post

    Then the other question is what exactly to get. I don't want to get him something other than what he wants, but I don't want to "over do" it and give him a heart attack or look like a perv.



    * to avoid any confusion from my analogy, I am a dude.
    Go over and chat with him for a bit and find out what he wants instead of taking instructions from his wife (I'm not suggesting she doesn't know BTW). Offer to drive him over to pick it out himself. He'll probably appreciate the time you spend with him more the magazines anyway.

  4. #4
    Banned. timmyquest's Avatar
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    i laughed

  5. #5
    Chepooka StupidlyBrave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HigherGround View Post
    ... but I don't want to "over do" it and give him a heart attack ...
    Most likely not.

    Quote Originally Posted by HigherGround View Post
    or look like a perv.
    Most likely yes. Is that a problem ?

  6. #6
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Oh my. You did indeed find yourself in a sticky situation, didn't you?

    I agree with going to see the man and asking him yourself and offering to drive him there. If the store is right by where you frequent, or if you go regularly into the store yourself, then it might be a bit uncomfortable to go in there and purchase items of this nature.

    If he tells you he'd rather you do it, then why not stop at the local convenience store instead? Keep the gift certificate and save some reputation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  7. #7
    Spelling Snob Hobartlemagne's Avatar
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    Id say Maxim, although I always complain that it offers 'all tease and no tits'.
    Point being- its risque enough, but probably wont horrify the wife.

    The first rule of flats is You don't talk about flats!

  8. #8
    Overacting because I can SpongeDad's Avatar
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    Dungeons and Chains, S&M, etc - and wink at her when you deliver them.
    “Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." (Churchill)

    "I am a courageous cyclist." (SpongeDad)

  9. #9
    Dolce far niente bigbossman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    Oh my. You did indeed find yourself in a sticky situation, didn't you?
    "Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it’s the triumphant twang of a bedspring."

    S. J. Perelman

  10. #10
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    While you're at it stop by the market across the street and stock him up on paper towel.

  11. #11
    Descends Like Avalanche HigherGround's Avatar
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    The idea of taking him to the store is a good idea I hadn't thought of. However, the only time I have ever seen him outside of their apartment is when he has been taken by ambulance to the doctors. They were scheduled appointments, rather than emergency situations, but I'm not so sure I'd feel comfortable taking him somewhere.

    Quote Originally Posted by StupidlyBrave View Post
    Most likely yes. Is that a problem ?
    Well, the kicker is that I'm actually a "Preacher's Kid", and that my parents have been active at several somewhat-local congregations over the years. As a teenager, I always felt like I had to be on more or less good behavior because I never knew who might be in their congregation.

    Quote Originally Posted by SpongeDad View Post
    Dungeons and Chains, S&M, etc - and wink at her when you deliver them.
    That didn't go over too well when I tried it at Christmas, so I don't think I'll make that mistake again. j/k


    On a different note, when I was a teenager and working in a local bike shop, a younger kid called up and asked if we carried S&M bikes. I thought it was a prank call, and I was tempted to make a smart comment about removing the saddle from the seat post. I'm glad I didn't, because it turns out that S&M is an actual brand of BMX bike.
    The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.

  12. #12
    avid wearer of flip-flops lucky53s's Avatar
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    She said sexy, not naked. I'd go with Maxim or Stuff.

    Plus, what's wrong with a naked lady every now and then? If it was me, I'd by a tattoo mag. Ladies with tattoos and piercings are way hot if you ask me.
    War: Where foolish men kill other foolish men for foolish reasons.
    Quote Originally Posted by artifice View Post
    does this face make my butt look big?

  13. #13
    more ape than man timmhaan's Avatar
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    i would go completely overboard and get the nastiest, most taboo smut you can find.
    Last edited by timmhaan; 07-20-08 at 04:33 PM.

  14. #14
    Strong with the Fred Big_e's Avatar
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    Oh come on! In for a penny, in for a pound. You can't go wrong with Hustler.
    I love pho long time.

  15. #15
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    George Costanza would probably recommend Glamour.

  16. #16
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    OMG people!! We are talking the son of a preacher man!
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  17. #17
    Descends Like Avalanche HigherGround's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    OMG people!! We are talking the son of a preacher man!
    Well, that settles it then - Hustler it is!
    The rider in my avatar is David Etxebarria, not me.

  18. #18
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    No. I meant People magazine.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  19. #19
    Bigger Than Both of Us saintsfan342000's Avatar
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    Get him a 50+ mag
    Do you care?

  20. #20
    Back in black cydewaze's Avatar
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    Make a "shopping list" and go to the book store with it. When you go to pay for the mags. brandish the list and go over it to make sure you have everything you've been "asked to get". When the cashier looks at you, shrug and say, "friend's bachelor party".

  21. #21
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    cant go wrong with "Jugs".
    "harder" is not a very good safeword.

  22. #22
    Your imaginary friend. fuzzbox's Avatar
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    Barnes and Noble doesn't sell that type of stuff.

    Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

  23. #23
    Gorntastic! v1k1ng1001's Avatar
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    just get him an internet connection

  24. #24
    superArti artifice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by timmyquest View Post
    i laughed
    +1



    ...so if you've already decided NOT to use the gift card, I say pick up the girly mags somewhere else. Might be less awkward than buying them at a book store. But yeah, something like maxxim would be a good, safe bet. Better to offend him or his wife by being too prude than smutty.

  25. #25
    Genetics have failed me Scummer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saintsfan342000 View Post
    Get him a 50+ mag
    Excellent!
    Gelato aficionado.

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