Spotted on a UK forum, posted by an Edinburgh cyclist

Quote Originally Posted by Goo Mason
Alarming things to hear whilst fixing a flat

Stopped on the Coltbridge on the way home to deal with a flat rear. Just getting the holed bit of tube out to patch without removing the wheel, when two ned junkies come wandering up and stop on the other side of the bridge. They proceed to argue a bit and phone someone for what sounds like a rendezvous to score some gear.

After about 5 minutes, they cross over and are standing about two feet from me. Up to this point they've been quite loud, but then one starts whispering to the other.

"Ah cannae hear whit yer saying, like", says the other.

"Ah want that bike - will we hit him wi' the pipe ?" says ned #1 in an attempt to whisper louder

"Nah," says his mate, "we'll jist f**kin' jump 'im..."

At that point, I was attempting to re-inflate the tyre - so I quickly 'finished', hopped on the bike and pedalled off whilst I had the cover of a few cyclists passing by before they could carry out their plan. Stopped a minute further along to finish getting the tyre back up to full pressure.
smack heid = smack head = heroin addict