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  1. #1
    My name is Mike, not Cal
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    Regarding pirates

    Does anyone else see the irony of a man with one eye, and therefore reduced depth perception, steering a large ship, sword fighting, and shooting guns?

    "I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!" --David Letterman

  2. #2
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    A little known fact about pirates is that their beard is closer to cat's whiskers than human hair. As such, they are able to "feel" where everything is, even with just one eye.

  3. #3
    Seņor Member USAZorro's Avatar
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    Pirates were the predecessors to Chuck Norris. The lack of eyes and limbs is their way of giving the rest of us a sporting chance.
    The search for inner peace continues...

  4. #4
    My name is Mike, not Cal
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    Quote Originally Posted by UnsafeAlpine View Post
    A little known fact about pirates is that their beard is closer to cat's whiskers than human hair. As such, they are able to "feel" where everything is, even with just one eye.
    Interesting, but why are they frequently missing a hand? From playing with swords while visually impaired, no doubt.
    "I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!" --David Letterman

  5. #5
    shaken, not stirred. gnome's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cal_gundert05 View Post
    Interesting, but why are they frequently missing a hand? From playing with swords while drunk on rum, no doubt.
    Fixed it for ya.
    Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. ~Mark Twain, "Taming the Bicycle"
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  6. #6
    Senior Member ritepath's Avatar
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    with one hook tied behind his back...don't forget that extra set of eyes and hard beak seated on his shoulder.
    Harmony, Spirit, Way

  7. #7
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    The eye patch was not to cover a bad eye. It was to keep the good eye shielded from light during the day. Come night fall, the pirate removes the eye patch to activate his primitive night vision, as that eye was already acclimated to darkness.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  8. #8
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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  9. #9
    Senior Member deraltekluge's Avatar
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    A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, and an eye patch walks into a bar. He sits down to have a beer and a stranger sitting next to him asks, “So what happened to the leg, if you don’t mind my asking?”

    “Argh,” the pirate answers, “a fierce storm tossed me overboard, and a shark bit it off.”

    “Oh,” the stranger says. “How about the hand?”

    “Argh, I boarded a ship and fought the captain, and he took me hand before I made him walk the plank.”

    The stranger then asks about the pirate’s eye. “Argh, a seagull pooped in me eye,” replies the pirate.

    “Poop made you lose your eye?” asks the confused stranger.

    “No,” the pirate answers, “’twas the first day with me hook.”

  10. #10
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  11. #11
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Those mean pirates stole that man's hair!
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  12. #12
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Those mean pirates stole that man's hair!
    but they gave him a funny t-shirt
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  13. #13
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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  14. #14
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  15. #15
    Squirrelly Member trsidn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post


    OT, but that Sex in the CIty/Matrix spoof was hilarious!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    Yet more proof that I'm.. well, pretty much right about everything.

  16. #16
    My name is Mike, not Cal
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    There seems to be a lot of myth and misunderstanding surrounding pirates. This clears up some things.
    "I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!" --David Letterman

  17. #17
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cal_gundert05 View Post
    There seems to be a lot of myth and misunderstanding surrounding pirates. This clears up some things.
    So does this

    http://www.veoh.com/videos/v447134Xwf5wM7p
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

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