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Old 08-23-08, 10:13 PM   #1
skinnyone
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Bust a move?

I have been seeing this girl for the past few weeks. We went our on a few dates, movies, etc. I really like her a lot, in fact I think I have fallen for her pretty good. She is easily the most beautiful, funny and well grounded girls I have gone out with the past few years. She also seems interested in me as well, given that we have been out 6 or 7 times.

Last week was a house party at her place and I went there and we hung out and I figured if there was a green light to be shown, it would be. Non. One of her friends hinted that she likes me but I got nothing more than a kiss on the cheek.

Today we went out during the day and I cooked her dinner but we both knew that she had to go back home to check on her pooch since her parents have been away for the past 2 weeks(she is living in burbs with her parents till she finds a job). Anyway again I got no hint of what was on her mind. I was going to actually go ahead and tell her how I feel about her but we watched superbad and after watching that movie I couldn't bring myself to, at the risk of sounding too corny.

While normally I would wait for sign from my romantic interests before I make any sort of overtures, I think in this case, she is definitely not the type that would hint at anything. I almost feel like if I want to make something out of this, I need to really facilitate things. I have 3/4ths of a mind to ask her to go out and hike tomorrow and speak my mind, tell her that I really like her and realize that while I am not pushy, I want this to go someplace.

Part of me wonders if this might be the wrong thing, that I might push to her to make a decision that she doesnt really feel comfortable making? Anyway, opine away.

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Old 08-23-08, 10:51 PM   #2
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I kept reading, but you never got to the part where you went on a date at the arcade and played Bust-A-Move for hours.



If you haven't done this yet, why not? The way to a woman's heart is through the coin slot.

Erm, the coin slot. In the arcade cabinet. At your local arcade.

Assuming it didn't shut down in 1995. Then you'll need a Neo-Geo, or an emulator of such.

Trust me on this. Would I lie?
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Old 08-23-08, 11:04 PM   #3
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Old 08-23-08, 11:11 PM   #4
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Old 08-23-08, 11:51 PM   #5
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I am usually the cold fish who doesn't show a sign- especially when I've decided I'm really interested in someone. And the more dates and the more I get to know a guy I'm interested in (and believe me, I'm a 'pleasure delayer' to begin with) the harder it is to make that move! I think its more that I'm afraid of scaring a decent, respectful guy away-- and a decent, respectful guy isn't going to lay it on fast (like I'm accustomed to, sometimes. ha).

The thought of sitting right down to "the talk" is intimidating.

When I think about the nice guys I've dated with the cute, sincere moves... its things like
he grabbed my hand while we were watching a movie-- or, he parked near a snowy dock-- we talked for hours. he eventually came came around to open the door so we could go for a walk, and he kissed me. Or another guy who stopped dead in his tracks on our way into a restaurant and pulled me in for a kiss with the comment "I just couldn't wait any longer" (yeah, I'd been holding out bigtime. poor guy. ha).

Anyway, a sweet, sincere and simple move of affection paired with an equally simple "I really like you" may actually be less intimidating than sitting right down to have "the talk". It makes your intentions clear, and it will leave a lasting impression she'll swoon over --case in point, I could name at least a dozen of those swooning moments and im not a big romantic. It could lead to a bigger conversation, or simply an "I like you too".. and breaking the ice for the next time.

I guess what I'm saying is baby steps- don't dive in too deep the firest time!
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Old 08-24-08, 03:44 AM   #6
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Hmmm, I think our Artifice is like our own relationship guru! We should have a sticky thread, 'Ask Artifice' for lovelorn cyclists...

I have nothing to add for advice, I like what she said for your situation.
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Old 08-24-08, 07:45 AM   #7
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You did not hit it in date #3 ... no chemistry

FAIL


bust a move ... to the next one
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Old 08-24-08, 07:56 AM   #8
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Make the move, (artifice style, see above)... no response ,,, walk away.... many fish in the sea!!!!
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Old 08-24-08, 08:04 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by x136 View Post
I kept reading, but you never got to the part where you went on a date at the arcade and played Bust-A-Move for hours.



If you haven't done this yet, why not? The way to a woman's heart is through the coin slot.

Erm, the coin slot. In the arcade cabinet. At your local arcade.

Assuming it didn't shut down in 1995. Then you'll need a Neo-Geo, or an emulator of such.

Trust me on this. Would I lie?
Ha. X nows how to really reach a woman's heart. She is actually mildly geeky so that might even work

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Hmmm, I think our Artifice is like our own relationship guru! We should have a sticky thread, 'Ask Artifice' for lovelorn cyclists...

I have nothing to add for advice, I like what she said for your situation.
Thanks overthere.I am pretty sure the single men of FOO, if they read this thread, are taking notes and booking flights to
MN as I type ..
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Originally Posted by artifice View Post
I am usually the cold fish who doesn't show a sign- especially when I've decided I'm really interested in someone. And the more dates and the more I get to know a guy I'm interested in (and believe me, I'm a 'pleasure delayer' to begin with) the harder it is to make that move! I think its more that I'm afraid of scaring a decent, respectful guy away-- and a decent, respectful guy isn't going to lay it on fast (like I'm accustomed to, sometimes. ha).

The thought of sitting right down to "the talk" is intimidating.

When I think about the nice guys I've dated with the cute, sincere moves... its things like
he grabbed my hand while we were watching a movie-- or, he parked near a snowy dock-- we talked for hours. he eventually came came around to open the door so we could go for a walk, and he kissed me. Or another guy who stopped dead in his tracks on our way into a restaurant and pulled me in for a kiss with the comment "I just couldn't wait any longer" (yeah, I'd been holding out bigtime. poor guy. ha).

Anyway, a sweet, sincere and simple move of affection paired with an equally simple "I really like you" may actually be less intimidating than sitting right down to have "the talk". It makes your intentions clear, and it will leave a lasting impression she'll swoon over --case in point, I could name at least a dozen of those swooning moments and im not a big romantic. It could lead to a bigger conversation, or simply an "I like you too".. and breaking the ice for the next time.

I guess what I'm saying is baby steps- don't dive in too deep the firest time!
Oh I was not meaning to lay on a fast one. Its just I am a romantic and that its driving me nuts . To be honest I cant say that I have fallen for a girl this hard in a while.

But good points on slow-playing the hand being dealt with. I just didnt want it to seem like I was wavering or that I was not interested. But then again I really wouldnt be asking her to go out, would I? So what you are saying is bust a small and calculated move and take it from there. She did wanna learn to golf so I might take her to the driving range sometime this week.. or today.
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Old 08-24-08, 08:05 AM   #10
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-24-08, 08:09 AM   #11
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Old 08-24-08, 08:22 AM   #12
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I could feel my manly forces decreasing as I watched that. Thanks.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-24-08, 08:50 AM   #13
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but we watched superbad
You watched a movie about a bunch of teenagers trying to get laid and you wonder why maybe, just maybe she wasn't sending out signals afterwards.



At least you quit while you were ahead there. There's really no good movie that lends itself to a kiss afterwards. Romantic comedy - too corny and expected. Drama - too depressed. Action - maybe for a handful but otherwise good luck. Comedy - not the right mood. A movie as a jumping off point towards somewhere else (movie THEN you make dinner) is a whole other story, the movie gives you something to talk about and helps to ease any of that tension.

What do you guys talk about? Does she talk about past relationships? About one or two particular guys? Say how great it is to have a friend like you? Girl talk? If so those are signals that the traffic gates down - this will not go anywhere.

Does she absently touch you in some way? Pick off a piece of lint, playfully push you away if you say something funny/crude/etc....? Brush against you on the way someplace when she didn't have to? Those are REALLY good signs (though some women are naturally flirty and that doesn't mean anything so good signs doesn't always mean coast is clear).

To the third date rule - meh. If both parties are shy and want to take it slow it may more but if you don't make a move she'll think it's just friends and move on.

Find an activity that facilitates touching. A hike with a little rough terrain, dancing (not meat market boom-boom but salsa/swing/tango). Have her help you make dinner (think kneading bread, cutting stuff, close proximity). Some sort of lesson or new thing for both of you to try. You want to break down the barriers that make being close to each other uncomfortable.

Once those barriers come down that kiss will just happen - but YOU will have to go for it. Women want a strong guy, not the 'nice' guy who's so respectful and laid back that they have no spine. The 'nice' guys are the ones looking for a mommy to take care of them and tell them what to do - you want to be a man. At the end of the day women don't want a jerk but they want someone who can stand up, have confidence, and go after what they want. One of the reasons for the perception of women dropping the safe guy and running away with the tattooed guy on a motorcycle. The latter is confident - you have to show her that.

That said I wouldn't make the first kiss a sailor type As Arti said don't make it a big talk - if you look in her eyes and move towards her she's either going to reciprocate or turn away.

Do a search for DannoXYZ talking about dating - he's got some great advice here on Foo.
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Old 08-24-08, 10:58 AM   #14
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yes
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Old 08-24-08, 11:21 AM   #15
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... One of the reasons for the perception of women dropping the safe guy and running away with the tattooed guy on a motorcycle. ...
Oh, so that's what happened! Uh, sorry, got distracted...

+1 on making some indication that you're interested in her, verbally or physically. Recent girltalk had a friend wondering what was 'wrong' with the guy she was seeing for the past 3 dates because he hasn't even tried to kiss her, and worried something was wrong with her (edit: I remembered wrong. She started asking about his past girlfriends, and I wondered what was wrong with him, because she's attractive/athletic/long blond hair!) ...but we're ALOT older than you, so keep that in mind too...
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Old 08-24-08, 01:15 PM   #16
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But good points on slow-playing the hand being dealt with. I just didnt want it to seem like I was wavering or that I was not interested. But then again I really wouldnt be asking her to go out, would I? So what you are saying is bust a small and calculated move and take it from there. She did wanna learn to golf so I might take her to the driving range sometime this week.. or today.
yes

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Hmmm, I think our Artifice is like our own relationship guru! We should have a sticky thread, 'Ask Artifice' for lovelorn cyclists...

I have nothing to add for advice, I like what she said for your situation.
you know, im kinda concerned here I keep hearing my advice is good, yet I end up with the fore mentioned 'dill holes'... hmm must be an error in my selection process (or lack there of)

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Once those barriers come down that kiss will just happen - but YOU will have to go for it. Women want a strong guy, not the 'nice' guy who's so respectful and laid back that they have no spine. The 'nice' guys are the ones looking for a mommy to take care of them and tell them what to do - you want to be a man. At the end of the day women don't want a jerk but they want someone who can stand up, have confidence, and go after what they want. One of the reasons for the perception of women dropping the safe guy and running away with the tattooed guy on a motorcycle. The latter is confident - you have to show her that.
nm, air just pretty much nailed it on the head. i'm really attracted to confidence- which is often disguising for an intolerable, over-inflated ego.
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Old 08-24-08, 01:47 PM   #17
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You watched a movie about a bunch of teenagers trying to get laid and you wonder why maybe, just maybe she wasn't sending out signals afterwards.

That thought came to mind, just as we were going half way through the movie.

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What do you guys talk about? Does she talk about past relationships? About one or two particular guys? Say how great it is to have a friend like you? Girl talk? If so those are signals that the traffic gates down - this will not go anywhere.
There is no relationship talk that we have ever dredged up . No girl talk. We talk a lot about traveling, people, society, politics, where we wanna go and life in general. I am by nature a flirt and I keep conversation playful. Not to say that I have not gone off on a serious note once in a while though. I have actually found, through my extensive spy network, that she is not the most confident when it comes to guys. (her sister is a friend of mine but even better friend of one my friendly girls and she found that nugget for me).
Quote:
Does she absently touch you in some way? Pick off a piece of lint, playfully push you away if you say something funny/crude/etc....? Brush against you on the way someplace when she didn't have to? Those are REALLY good signs (though some women are naturally flirty and that doesn't mean anything so good signs doesn't always mean coast is clear).
She is not a touchy feely person as far as I have observed. There is the occasional bump into each other as walk, you know just walking too close. She tends to go for the hug/kiss on a cheek with a catlike reflexes so I gotta anticipate that!
Quote:
Once those barriers come down that kiss will just happen - but YOU will have to go for it. Women want a strong guy, not the 'nice' guy who's so respectful and laid back that they have no spine. The 'nice' guys are the ones looking for a mommy to take care of them and tell them what to do - you want to be a man. At the end of the day women don't want a jerk but they want someone who can stand up, have confidence, and go after what they want. One of the reasons for the perception of women dropping the safe guy and running away with the tattooed guy on a motorcycle. The latter is confident - you have to show her that.

That said I wouldn't make the first kiss a sailor type As Arti said don't make it a big talk - if you look in her eyes and move towards her she's either going to reciprocate or turn away.

Do a search for DannoXYZ talking about dating - he's got some great advice here on Foo.
I guess I try to be the nice guy by default, but I speak enough crap and use enough innuendo that I get the point across and I can pick up on the cues. Typically, I go for assertive confident women so this is kinda new ground for me.
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Old 08-24-08, 02:45 PM   #18
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There are way too many posts in this thread over twelve words.
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Old 08-24-08, 03:21 PM   #19
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You've been out with her 6-7 times, and you haven't kissed her yet? I probably would have been bored long ago.

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Once those barriers come down that kiss will just happen - but YOU will have to go for it. Women want a strong guy, not the 'nice' guy who's so respectful and laid back that they have no spine. The 'nice' guys are the ones looking for a mommy to take care of them and tell them what to do - you want to be a man. At the end of the day women don't want a jerk but they want someone who can stand up, have confidence, and go after what they want. One of the reasons for the perception of women dropping the safe guy and running away with the tattooed guy on a motorcycle. The latter is confident - you have to show her that.
EXACTLY.
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Old 08-24-08, 04:21 PM   #20
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you know, im kinda concerned here I keep hearing my advice is good, yet I end up with the fore mentioned 'dill holes'...
Like Miss Manners farting at the dinner table and the tragically single matchmaker in every cliche-ridden romantic comedy ever made, you can dole out advice with the best of them, without necessarily being the expert in the field you're advising in. You're a relationship consultant.
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