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Old 09-02-08, 01:00 AM   #1
RubenX 
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My friend the stupid (longish)

Background:

My friend was born and raised on a VERY rural area where jobs were scarce. Everybody was very very poor and survived with very little. I met those people, they really wanted to work, but there weren't any jobs and being so poor, they could not escape (relocate or whatever). They had no education, no skills... really the bottom of the barrel.

The Hope:

It troubles me to see good people with potential being stuck like that. When I noticed that my friend had a lot of interest in computers I saw the light. "This is my friend's ticket to get a life" I thought. I took him as my padawan and teach him the trade of PC repair. He became surprisingly good at it and started making some money from it. But that was only the beginning. I convinced him that he could go to college and get a computer related degree. It wasn't easy, he was a high school drop-out. He thought his chance of getting an education was already lost.

The Education:

I made some research and found a high school equivalence program that he could attend. He went and aced it in only 6 months. Then we went college hunting, filling grant applications everywhere till he got accepted. He was afraid of moving 150 miles away from his family but I kept encouraging him "dude, you gonna make lots of friends, you wont be alone, you gonna be OK". I even took him apt hunting and he found one just 2 blocks away from college. He worked hard and finished the BS degree in just 3 years. It was a great success.

The Woman:

There was this couple, friends of my wife and me. We introduced them to my friend and that turn out to be a mistake. My friend started dating this married woman and I was very embarrassed. My friend was still in college at the time and had really nothing to offer to this woman, except some occasional fun. The woman's husband was a VERY wealthy guy, with summer house, yacht, etc.. you get the picture. Later on, the woman divorces the guy... from selling their main house alone she got 750k. She ended up very well you could say. She continued the occasional fun with my friend for years, living together for a month or two on occasions. But nothing permanent ever realized. Her complain: "My friend was not making enough money".

The Jobs:

After college, my friend and I talked about the salary situation on our crappy city. Salaries were decent, but the great jobs were always elsewhere. Even I, with a good job and a decent salary, wanted to relocate. We both decided to go and follow the great jobs. He did a lot better than me and ended up in Texas making 100k on the first shot. But six months later, he went back home because "he miss the woman". The woman trows him out for being jobless, he went job hunting again, end up in cali making 85k, few months later, same story... he resigns because he miss the woman. And the same thing keeps happening a few more times. He wants to marry this woman but she does not.

The Present:

My buddy ends up here in Florida few months ago. It was hard for him to get a good job now, due to his history of quitting everywhere before the year. He's not doing great, but he's doing fine. Just last week, my wife and I helped him go car-shopping. He has wheels now. Now he can move around, try to get a better job, work his way up the ladder. He joined a local rock band (music was always his hobby) and is playing every other weekend on local clubs. Gee, he could have an harem by now if he wants to.

and then... last weekend, the woman shows up, stays with him for the night and tells him to quit everything and go back home (to our crappy home city) to live with her.

The Future:

My stupid friend accepted the offer and yet again is going to leave everything behind. It is clear that this woman is gonna trow him out in 3 months tops. He will be jobless, car less, homeless and in pretty bad shape. And with the crappy salaries down there it's gonna be a long way till he could save enough money to relocate again to a nicer place. It is, yet a gain, a very bad move.

I've tried to talk him out of this with no success. First of all, this woman won't marry him, ever. She wants something he can not provide. At least not on that city he wont. Maybe if she relocates with him to where the money is... but she will never do that either. She has 3 teenage sons and she will not move her family. She is an older woman, her oldest son is just 10 years younger than my friend. She has all the money she will ever need and no reason at all to relocate. This is just so stupid. Like the /facepalm pics say: words are not enough to express my dismay.

And I know I'm not the best one to talk about this, God knows I have taken a lot of BS in the name of love (reference all my nut-case wife threads at this point). But still, I feel bad for my friend. I hope he finds happiness somehow, someday... same goes to all of you Fosters that are suffering from a broken heart ATM, maybe doing some stupid things too as a result. Hope you find happiness too.
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Old 09-02-08, 05:23 AM   #2
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Definitely did a good thing for your friend, but he will have to resolve his own issues with that woman. More than likely, it seems that it's heading in a direction where he'll have to get hurt a few times before he finally 'gets it.' I hope that he does soon; it sucks to be in a situation like that!

Most of what you tell him may not quite sink in, unless he's already on the fence (which it seems like he's not).

Good luck!
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Old 09-02-08, 08:03 AM   #3
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Women. . .Can't live with them and can't shoot em.

Seriously, your friend has a problem with. . . the female sexual organ. In other words, he thinks this is all he will ever get.

A person needs three things in order to have consummate love: Commitment, Intamacy, and Passion. You can have any combination of two of the traits, such as 'Fatuous love' with only commitment and passion. 'Romantic love' with only intimacy and passion. or 'Companionate love' with commitment and intimacy.

Even deeper would be having only one trait such as just 'passion' for infatuation. Empty love only having commitment, or 'liking' just by having only intimacy.

Your friend AND this woman suffer from some combination of the above. It is deeper than anything you can do to help him. He needs to realize on his own that this woman is only a "roll in the hay".
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Old 09-02-08, 09:33 AM   #4
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Tell him he's an idiot, and that you're tired of the soap opera, and good luck, and we'll see ya.
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Old 09-02-08, 09:54 AM   #5
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this is what's wrong with this country, sissified men that just bow down to women. hell, with 100k he could get just about any decent woman he'd want. your friend has won the darwin award. these idiots need to stop propogating.
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Old 09-02-08, 10:29 AM   #6
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Tell him you've been doing her to, as is her neighbor. Maybe that will make him stop?
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Old 09-02-08, 10:39 AM   #7
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Sounds like shes the first woman he's met who is better than all the hick-chicks back home.
Tell him how disappointed you are in him and that you expected better from someone who
clearly is capable of self-discipline.
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Old 09-02-08, 11:39 AM   #8
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There is just so much you can do. I pretty much gave up on one of my best friends. The dude always *****es about his job and wants to get a better one, etc. Problem is that never goes anywhere. Few months back he sent me his resume to look at. It was horrible! I made some suggestions on how to improve it. He still haven't touched it....
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Old 09-02-08, 05:42 PM   #9
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OP here,

I talked with my friend today. He returned the can he just got back to the dealership, lost 1500 on that deal and you know he just screwed up his credit for a long long time. He also turned in his letter of resignation at a time when the company needed him the most, pretty much shot himself on the foot there too. Last thing I knew, he was on expedia.com buying the airplane tickets... What an idiot.

So many local girls, his age, college students, with no kids, interested in him. He could even sit back and pick one for each month, he's lucky on that department... and yet, trowing his life out the window for that "love of his life" as he calls her...

I already started the countdown... like I said, 3 months tops.
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Old 09-02-08, 06:44 PM   #10
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Now I am a smart guy! I find poor girl, poor girl and poor guy are happy with bikes!
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