A quick internet search uncovers more than 2,500 online degree programs, but not one in cycling.
Move over, University of Phoenix. Introducing Merckx University, home of the Fightin' Eddys.
Here at MU, time-crunched working adults such as yourself can become well-rounded, productive, successful cyclists by completing our nationally acclaimed degree program conferring a Bachelor of Riding Education (BORE).
Are you ready to break away from your dead-end, low-gear, Shimano-105 existence? Enroll today!
Here are some of the exciting courses you'll be taking:
In this advanced philosophy seminar, students ponder age-old questions, such as: "If a rider gets dropped and no one notices, did he really get dropped?" and "Wheelsucking: Moral imperative or bourgeois facade?" Required reading includes Machiavelli's The Prince, Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil and Nixon's I Am (Still) Not a Crook.
Students travel to a remote archaeological dig (known to our ancestors as a "cellar") to experience firsthand the origins of revered artifacts, like the mysterious Toe Strap of Binda and a pair of down-tube shifting levers said to operate a system of gears using antiquated "friction" technology. Back in the classroom, students explore why experts believe these levers are inscribed with the name of this primitive people's god, SunTour.
Distinguished visiting professors Fuentes and Ferrari teach this popular lab on performance enhancement. Pre-requisite: Ethics.
Students learn how the world works in this rigorous course that asks: If 2 cyclists 3 miles apart are traveling toward each other, one at 22 mph and the other at 15 mph, and one has deep-dish carbon rims and the other has box-section alloy rims, at what point will they meet -- and which one will refuse to acknowledge the other's presence?