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Old 09-06-08, 11:32 PM   #1
nekohime
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Ever contacted an ex...

...and thought to yourself, "why did we break up again?"

I just said happy birthday to an ex a couple of days ago, and read his reply today. He's still the sweet lil charmer he is. And now I'm thinking that I broke up with him for a stupid reason, because all the problems I had with that relationship came from outside sources (basically people thinking that he was "too old" for me and therefore taking advantage of me and abusing me, which was totally NOT the case). We had no major issues with each other, and in fact, personality- and interest-wise he was as good as or probably a slightly better fit for me than teh bf.

Ah well, past is past, and I'm quite happy with teh bf. It's just sometimes, you just wonder how things would have gone if certain events happened differently.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 09-06-08, 11:39 PM   #2
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It takes a long adjustment to get over it all. After the dust settled, she said lets be friends and stay in contact. I said thanks, but what good would that do. No kids...wished her well. Next , we Moved away.. About a decade later, a grandfather's painting, i decided should stay with her family.. ...So, a belated Another phone call. And they still lived in my old town...I shipped it back to her... Friendly hello' s. How you's.. Never expect to communicate ever again.. ..What is a decade together.. ONly about 1/6 of your life.
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Old 09-06-08, 11:41 PM   #3
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I did Neko...


Not really an ex, but a "friend-that-was-a-girl". We used to go to clubs together all the time before I was married. Beautiful girl too, an aspiring actress, but nothing ever happened between us.

Later when I was single I tracked her down and called her...and instantly remembered one of her most annoying traits: Hypochondria. All she did was talk about her past and present ilnesses and maladies. I never called her again.
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Old 09-06-08, 11:57 PM   #4
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I did Neko...


Not really an ex, but a "friend-that-was-a-girl". We used to go to clubs together all the time before I was married. Beautiful girl too, an aspiring actress, but nothing ever happened between us.

Later when I was single I tracked her down and called her...and instantly remembered one of her most annoying traits: Hypochondria. All she did was talk about her past and present ilnesses and maladies. I never called her again.
Ah that IS annoying, although I some sympathy for hypochondriacs.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 09-07-08, 12:33 AM   #5
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Oh hey, ANOTHER ex who I broke up for a stupid reason (well, maybe not so stupid, I did move across the ocean after all) contacted me, and said he broke up with his gf.

Meh. This is the weekend of thinking about what might have been.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 09-07-08, 12:37 AM   #6
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Ah that IS annoying, although I some sympathy for hypochondriacs.
I hate when my gynocologist says to me, "Mr. Smith, stop being such a hypochondriac!"
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Old 09-07-08, 12:52 AM   #7
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I had a relationship with a woman over seven years, in between and sometimes during others. We tried on three or four occasions to get back to together. In the end, the time was wasted, and the emotional recovery for me was long-term. My mantra became: "There's no going back".
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Old 09-07-08, 01:11 AM   #8
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...and thought to yourself, "why did we break up again?"

I just said happy birthday to an ex a couple of days ago, and read his reply today. He's still the sweet lil charmer he is. And now I'm thinking that I broke up with him for a stupid reason, because all the problems I had with that relationship came from outside sources (basically people thinking that he was "too old" for me and therefore taking advantage of me and abusing me, which was totally NOT the case). We had no major issues with each other, and in fact, personality- and interest-wise he was as good as or probably a slightly better fit for me than teh bf.

Ah well, past is past, and I'm quite happy with teh bf. It's just sometimes, you just wonder how things would have gone if certain events happened differently.
The question of whether the relationship was abusive depends on how old you were when in began, and what the age spread was. If you were a teen, and he was in his thirties or older, I'd agree with your friends, and advise you to find someone closer to your own age. If you were in your twenties or above,
the age spread is your own business.

It sounds like you have regrets about breaking off the relationship. Bear in mind that globally there is more or less parity between women and men, so if you attracted a fellow who is charming and sweet, you'll quite likely attract another such guy at some point. I might add a few more traits on the checklist, though. Charming, sweet, responsible, reliable, and in love with you would be a good list to start with.
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Old 09-07-08, 01:21 AM   #9
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I had a relationship with a woman over seven years, in between and sometimes during others. We tried on three or four occasions to get back to together. In the end, the time was wasted, and the emotional recovery for me was long-term. My mantra became: "There's no going back".
Somebody should have told me that BEFORE re-marrying my ex-wife :S
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Old 09-07-08, 06:20 AM   #10
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I've never gotten "back together," but after 30 years, someone I dated when I was 18, found me on myspace and 3,000 miles away. She still lives in our hometown. We chat respectfully online at least twice a month.

I'm married now, she is not.
I was her first "love." We never "did it."

I know, TMI.

And yes, I think to myself everyday. Hard to avoid, but I am trying to stop. :-)

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Old 09-07-08, 06:34 AM   #11
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Sure..

Was dating a wonderful woman, but we were both young, and when things went long distance, it just wasn't working. We were arguing a lot, and the relationship lost all of its niceness to put it nicely. We broke things off, and didn't talk, nor plan on ever talking. (Wasn't exactly a nice break)

About a year and a half later, I was back in MN where we had started dating, was at a coffee shop we used to go to, and guess who shows up.

To keep the long story short, we were married 5 years later (and have now been married for a bit over 3 years).

We both had to grow up quite a bit, and in that year and a half, we did. We both say, the best thing we ever did for our relationship was break up, as we have been nothing but happy since we got back together.
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Old 09-07-08, 07:02 AM   #12
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Humm....where to start.

Oh let's just say an ex contacted me once 15 years after we broke up. I'll leave it at that.
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Old 09-07-08, 07:09 AM   #13
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...and thought to yourself, "why did we break up again?"

I just said happy birthday to an ex a couple of days ago, and read his reply today. He's still the sweet lil charmer he is. And now I'm thinking that I broke up with him for a stupid reason, because all the problems I had with that relationship came from outside sources (basically people thinking that he was "too old" for me and therefore taking advantage of me and abusing me, which was totally NOT the case). We had no major issues with each other, and in fact, personality- and interest-wise he was as good as or probably a slightly better fit for me than teh bf.

Ah well, past is past, and I'm quite happy with teh bf. It's just sometimes, you just wonder how things would have gone if certain events happened differently.
When you are in your twenties you are a constant Work in Progress.
I wouldnt consider anything serious until 30 or later. Stuff you did,
say you will never do, wish you did, etc all changes in the third decade.
Go out in the world, be a folder riding pirate grrrrl and take everything
life has to offer. If stuff does/doesnt happen, so be it. Dont dwell
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Old 09-07-08, 08:16 AM   #14
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Ah that IS annoying, although I some sympathy for hypochondriacs.
It would've driven me up the wall.

Besides, things didn't work out before because we were too close as friends. We shared all our dating and personal experiences. The one time it did get "romantic"...it felt like I was kissing my sister.
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I hate when my gynocologist says to me, "Mr. Smith, stop being such a hypochondriac!"
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Old 09-07-08, 09:50 AM   #15
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...and thought to yourself, "why did we break up again?"
Yeah. We broke up after high school, did the single thing for a while, got to be even better friends than we were when we were dating...and now we're married.

The End
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Old 09-07-08, 10:05 AM   #16
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No, I never wonder that
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Old 09-07-08, 10:29 AM   #17
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The question of whether the relationship was abusive depends on how old you were when in began, and what the age spread was. If you were a teen, and he was in his thirties or older, I'd agree with your friends, and advise you to find someone closer to your own age. If you were in your twenties or above,
the age spread is your own business.

It sounds like you have regrets about breaking off the relationship. Bear in mind that globally there is more or less parity between women and men, so if you attracted a fellow who is charming and sweet, you'll quite likely attract another such guy at some point. I might add a few more traits on the checklist, though. Charming, sweet, responsible, reliable, and in love with you would be a good list to start with.
I met him a couple of days before my 20th bday, and he was in his late 30s. I seriously thought he was 27-ish until he showed me his ID

I'm pretty open about age as long as both parties are of legal consenting age, which we were. I guess the one biggest prejudice about our relationship, aside from age difference, was that we met online. "OMG internet predator!!!" everyone said, but he was just a nice, regular, non-creepy guy, if a tad too old for me.

I do have some regrets about breaking it off, like most people who break their relationships off amiably. On the whole, I'm better off now; it's just sometimes, the what-ifs pop up like mushrooms after the rain.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 09-07-08, 11:47 AM   #18
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...and thought to yourself, "why did we break up again?"
No, there was always a good reason for my breakups. Although, with some, the timing was just off. Heck, I'd probably be married by now if I had taken things slow with one in particular. I'm happy where I'm at now, though.
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Old 09-08-08, 09:16 AM   #19
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I did Neko...


Not really an ex, but a "friend-that-was-a-girl". We used to go to clubs together all the time before I was married. Beautiful girl too, an aspiring actress, but nothing ever happened between us.

Later when I was single I tracked her down and called her...and instantly remembered one of her most annoying traits: Hypochondria. All she did was talk about her past and present ilnesses and maladies. I never called her again.
Man, that's hilarious!
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Old 09-08-08, 09:20 AM   #20
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No, 1st sentence - going good!, 2nd sentence - ok, and usually on the third sentence I realize why I had broken up.
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Old 09-08-08, 02:30 PM   #21
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No.
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Old 09-08-08, 02:43 PM   #22
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Ever contacted an ex...
No, but I have been contacted BY the EX before and wondered to myself.......how the hell did they get my new number?
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Old 09-08-08, 03:09 PM   #23
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*sigh* When we seperated, we had left on good terms. We'd still see each other afterwards but soon finalized the divorce and went our seperate ways.Instead of dragging the house into the divorce, we made a friendly agreement to let me stay in it and if I ever sell, I'd pay her for her share (her name was still on the deed). We'd still call each other on birthdays to wish each other Happy Birthdays.
2 years later I called the ex to let her know that I wished to keep the house, refinance and to buy her out of her half of the house. The house was still in hers and mines name. We had lunch to discuss the refinance terms and see what would be a fair share of the money for her (she had put alot into the house before we seperated**. We then went to the bank to sign papers, we seemed to click so well, just like old times. I gave her, her money for her half of the house and we haven't talked since.
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Old 09-08-08, 03:11 PM   #24
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Only when required to by a court order and some lab test results.
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