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Old 09-22-08, 08:50 AM   #1
Sixty Fiver
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Kids say the darnedest things...

So I'm braiding my daughter's hair this morning and asked her how I was doing in the dad ratings and after a moment she said I got an 8.5...

I replied that I should have gotten a better score since I hadn't beaten her with the hairbrush this week and she tells me, "that's what the .5 is for".

While taking the kids to school my youngest daughter says, "they have to let women chew gum on the plane" and when I asked why she said ""it's so their earrings don't pop off".

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Old 09-22-08, 09:26 AM   #2
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My son's spent breakfast this mornging explaining in details how their submarines operate. My four year old son's can dive to 60 miles deep. My 7 year olds can dive all they way past the coral reef to the giant clam.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-22-08, 09:36 AM   #3
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Co-worker's story but I love it so much, I keep retelling it:

My co-worker has a 4 year old sone who always gets up before mom and dad. One morning, co-worker wakes up and notices something on his son's face. He goes "son, what's on your face?" (there was a chocolate cake on the counter) Son replies,"...nothing." Co-worker can smell it on his breath so he asks again, "son, what's on your face?"

Son replies," Well...since you didn't wake up to make me breakfast..."

Took all of coworker's energy not to start laughing hysterically.
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Old 09-22-08, 09:38 AM   #4
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My four year old daughter was acting up a few months ago, so I asked her to sit on the couch for a while in time-out.

Her response (yelled to mother in the kitchen): "Mommy, I'm fired!"
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Old 09-22-08, 09:40 AM   #5
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We were out on Saturday and were going for dinner with my friend who told us she had to be home by 7.

My oldest daughter asked her how old she was and Becks (my friend) said she was 28.

My daughter then said, "If you are that old why do you have to be home by 7 ?"
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Old 09-22-08, 09:43 AM   #6
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I was out riding with my 8 year old and we hit the climb that takes us off the bridge...it's a 12 percent grade for a short distance.

She takes off singing and ringing that bell and passes several people on the way up and I caught up to her a few seconds later.

The people she passed had dismounted and were walking their bikes up the last little bit and she says, "it's okay...my dad tells me a lot of people have to walk up this hill".
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Old 09-22-08, 09:51 AM   #7
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I was out riding with my 8 year old and we hit the climb that takes us off the bridge...it's a 12 percent grade for a short distance.

She takes off singing and ringing that bell and passes several people on the way up and I caught up to her a few seconds later.

The people she passed had dismounted and were walking their bikes up the last little bit and she says, "it's okay...my dad tells me a lot of people have to walk up this hill".



When I was little my dad took me to the barber shop to get a hair cut. We had to wait because there was an older man still in the chair. Being a child, and having very little control over the volume of my voice, I stated to my dad, "THAT MAN HAS A BIG NOSE!!!"
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Old 09-22-08, 09:56 AM   #8
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Dad's also say the darnedest things.

When i was about three, I was running across the house, tripped and fell, and landed cheek first on the corner of a wooden block. My mother swears that I have two dimples on one side of my smile and one on the other due to this.

Anyway, the impact turned one side of my face into a swollen black and blue mess. Soon after said event, my father and I wear in the check out line at the grocery store, in front of two women who were whispering back and forth about what ever could have happened to that poor boys face.

I think my father got tired of the topic of conversation, since he turned to them and explained that he had hit me in the face with a baseball bat. They quit talking, so his ploy worked, and as this occurred in 1966 or so, he did not even end up in jail.
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Quote:
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-22-08, 10:01 AM   #9
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So, last night in the mail we recieved an American Girl catalogue. Well, Maddy loved it! She kept looking at it and then the begging started. "Mommy, I want one! Please Mommy" Well, the cheapest doll that I saw was over 90.00 so, of course, I said "NO". She kept on and on. So, I explained to her that she was welcome to save up her money and when she had 90.00 I would gladly order a doll for her using her money...Well, she instantly burst into tears. Big, fat tears... "But, Mommy, I don't have 90 teeth!" lol... while she gets money for school and such, the only money she has ever really saved has been "tooth fairy" money! lol

A post my wife made last week, about our 6yo Daughter.
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Old 09-22-08, 10:04 AM   #10
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90 teeth... priceless.

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Old 06-21-13, 08:47 AM   #11
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Had to bring this one back to add, my youngest son who is going on 14 said last night after the farmers spread manure, that it smelled like, 'the deep end of the b-hole outside'

I never laughed so hard.
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Old 06-21-13, 10:23 AM   #12
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My daughter had a lot feeding issues when she was a toddler. When she was 3 and had a difficult lunch session my wife let her have a time out on the high chair. She was crying and then said "Claire sad."
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Old 06-21-13, 10:56 AM   #13
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I have been making a little collection, especially from my youngest daughter who is now 13 and still saying the darndest things and she always precedes her comments with "Seriously... "

This will be the title of her memoirs.

She has taken issue with the dress code at her school, not for her own sake but for other girls who do not feel that it is fair or balanced and one rule says you cannot have spaghetti straps on your dress or shirt and that these must be three fingers wide. Hems on dresses and shorts must not be higher than your fingertips.

"Seriously... one of these days I will have a butt as big as my sister (ha ha ha) and maybe some cleavage... but does a 2 inch strap on your shirt prevent boys from losing their minds ?"

"Seriously... it's a bra... get over it."

"Seriously... they will tell me I can't wear this dress because it is a few centimetres too short ? Other than that it is downright Amish."

"Seriously... my sister is gorgeous and nothing can hide that."

Her school is going to be dealing with quite the handful here in the next few years... she is organizing a movement.
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Old 06-21-13, 11:22 AM   #14
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I always remember this...

Sitting at the dinner table with my sister, her husband and their 3 kids... the oldest (about 5) was done eating and antsy to go outside and play. He kept pestering dad whose back was to the front door. Dad said "no you can't go outside right now. I am eating and can't watch you..." and the son replied "yes you can Dad, you can watch me with the eyes in the back of your head..."

At that point dinner stopped and we all went outside...
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Old 06-21-13, 11:39 AM   #15
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My son on the topic of cursing:

"It's okay to say Jesus. But it's not okay to say - JESUS!"
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Old 06-21-13, 11:43 AM   #16
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i used to torment (or is it mentor?) 2 siblings, the girl being almost 3 years older than her brother.
we were on a day road trip to cabela's in sidney, nebraska and stopped at a nice mom 'n' pop tastee freeze-type place for lunch.
the young man tore of a chunk of burger bun and threw it at his sister.

she snapped, 'stop throwing food! this isn't mcdonald's!' (gee, and i was just tearing off a chunk myself....)

then there were the embarrassing questions:

we were watching 'goldeneye' one night. 007 gets jumped by a psycho chick in a bathhouse.
she's got her legs wrapped around him, screeching and thrashing, getting mucho se* pleasure whilst
trying to kill him.
the young lady mentioned above asks, 'why is that lady making all that noise?'

right between the eyes. i said, 'because she is wild and crazy'.
'oh'.
dodged a bullet.

this forum is going far!
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Old 06-21-13, 11:51 AM   #17
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Two years ago now my Dad died. He was in the casket and my my 3 year old niece was on a little stand looking at him.

She turned to her mom and asked why didn't pawpaw wake up. My sister said he was in a better place. My niece took on a puzzled look and said back, "Bob Evans?"

...

For those not around the Ohio part of the Midwest, Bob Evans is chain of "country cooking" type restaurants, and they are everywhere around here. I think they are crap, but many people, including my parents, love it. Actually their breakfast is ok, but everything else tastes the same as if they have a seasoning they use on everything

Anyway my family now calls "Bob's" "A Better Place".
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Old 06-21-13, 12:01 PM   #18
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I have no kids, but I do have a lot of nieces and nephews. I hear about them a lot.

My brother and his wife took their kids, a four year old boy and two year old girl to a sit down dinner with his coworkers. Or maybe they were 3 and 5, anyway...

During the meal, his son belched loudly. Everyone laughed and my embarrassed sister in law told him it must be a guy thing.

A few minutes later, their girl, my niece, stood up on her chair, held her arms out as to get everyone's attention. Once she got it, she squatted just a little and let a huge fart rip out. She took a bow and sat down. Everyone just about passed out laughing. My brother learned over and told his wife, "I guess it's a girl thing".

My brother decided they needed to be a little more mature as parents from now on. The kids were learning too much.
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Old 06-21-13, 02:10 PM   #19
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A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.
She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked
them to come up with the rest.

Here is what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than..................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the........................bug is close.
It's always darkest before..............daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of........termites.
You can lead a horse to water but ......how?
Don't bite the hand that................looks dirty.
No news is..............................impossible.
A miss is as good as a..................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog..............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you....... will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust........................ me.
The pen is mightier than................the pigs.
An idle mind is...................... the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there's...........pollution.
Happy is the bride who................. gets all the presents.
A penny saved is........................not much.
Two is company, three's.................The Musketeers.
None are so blind as....................Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed...........get new batteries.
You get out of something what you.......see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind...........get out of the way.
There is no fool like...................Aunt Jshar.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and.....you have to blow your nose.
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