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  1. #1
    1/2 man,1/2 bear,1/2 pig ManBearPig's Avatar
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    OK, since Foosters like dating questions...

    What do you do if you're impressed with a dating prospect in terms of character, educations, shared interests, etc., but the initial chemistry between you is not a homerun. It could go somewhere, but not on the fast-track to romance. Do you act accordingly, move extremely slowly, at the risk of being aloof? Or do you err on the side of protecting them and just say you're not interested?

    Maybe the real question is, does chemistry have begin with a clear and unmistakable spark, or is it generated slowly when it's the right person?
    ...

  2. #2
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ManBearPig View Post
    What do you do if you're impressed with a dating prospect in terms of character, educations, shared interests, etc., but the initial chemistry between you is not a homerun. It could go somewhere, but not on the fast-track to romance. Do you act accordingly, move extremely slowly, at the risk of being aloof? Or do you err on the side of protecting them and just say you're not interested?

    Maybe the real question is, does chemistry have begin with a clear and unmistakable spark, or is it generated slowly when it's the right person?
    I'm at the same point as you right now. I'm just gonna see where it leads, and if it's only friendship, that's great! But if it's something more, that's fine, too.

  3. #3
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    lol. looks like all 3 of us are at the same point...and i flew to NY to meet my guy...
    wolfpackcycles
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  4. #4
    Dude wheres my guads? skinnyone's Avatar
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    It can happen, the slow gradual build up. The only risk is being careful and not getting into the friends zone.

  5. #5
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    What's wrong with being just friends right now? If it happens, it happens.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  6. #6
    Administrator CbadRider's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skinnyone View Post
    It can happen, the slow gradual build up. The only risk is being careful and not getting into the friends zone.
    All of my long term relationships were with someone I knew for a while first. I'm generally not an instant chemistry type of person; for me it takes a while to develop.

    And by a while I mean a couple of weeks. Hey Skinnyone, are you busy tonight?
    Quote Originally Posted by toddles View Post
    So Tom only hires people that are nutty? Is part of the requirement to be a moderator on this site is that you have to be nuts??
    Forum Guidelines *click here*

  7. #7
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ efrobert's Avatar
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    My god. You people here on foo over analyze dating to death.

    Go out for a few drinks and hit the sheets! Stop thinking soo much.

  8. #8
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    i likes yo' style efrobert!!
    wolfpackcycles
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  9. #9
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by efrobert View Post
    My god. You people here on foo over analyze dating to death.

    Go out for a few drinks and hit the sheets! Stop thinking soo much.
    Says the guy with ZZZZZZZZZZZ under his name....
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  10. #10
    Bring May Flowers aprilm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ManBearPig View Post
    Do you act accordingly, move extremely slowly, at the risk of being aloof? Or do you err on the side of protecting them and just say you're not interested?
    That one. It's not fair to wait for a spark (or whatever it is that you're waiting for)... in my experience, if the spark will exist at all, it will be almost immediate. Don't wait. Move on.

    Edit: oftentimes, with someone I've know a while, I confuse "chemistry" with "comfort/familiarity". So I normally don't do the "friends first" stuff.

  11. #11
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ efrobert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    Says the guy with ZZZZZZZZZZZ under his name....

  12. #12
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    listen to the women, aprilm's got it right on. Be pro-active and intentional in your action and being. Don't pvssyfoot around and "hope", take control of the situation!!! As mentioned, if you're doing the "friends/comfort/familiarity" thing, that is ALL that will happen in like 99.9999% of cases; it's a death-blow for romance and anything more (I could write volumes on 'why', don't bother, move on if you're wanting more than 'just friends').

    As for a spark, what's wrong with bringing a gallon of gasoline and a lighter to the party, eh??? Live it up!!!*

    ----------------------------------------
    * BTW - this part can be figurative or literally. I met my girlfriend of 4-years in school while I was tossing molotov cocktails and spray-can bombs into dumpers during the crazy Isla Vista Halloween riots.
    Last edited by DannoXYZ; 10-09-08 at 09:25 PM.

  13. #13
    Dude wheres my guads? skinnyone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CbadRider View Post
    All of my long term relationships were with someone I knew for a while first. I'm generally not an instant chemistry type of person; for me it takes a while to develop.

    And by a while I mean a couple of weeks. Hey Skinnyone, are you busy tonight?
    I am actually busy.. Doing whatever you're doin.

  14. #14
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by efrobert View Post
    My god. You people here on foo over analyze dating to death.

    Go out for a few drinks and hit the sheets! Stop thinking soo much.
    Dooooood - I'm still working on the dating site funkeh e-mails to one another and reviewing profiles if they are there ....

    and if I respond - then that's what is the next request - WHEN CAN WE MEET!



    Hmmm - one e-mail response and WHEN!!!!!! Nooooooo!

  15. #15
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ efrobert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
    Dooooood - I'm still working on the dating site funkeh e-mails to one another and reviewing profiles if they are there ....

    and if I respond - then that's what is the next request - WHEN CAN WE MEET!



    Hmmm - one e-mail response and WHEN!!!!!! Nooooooo!
    That's interesting. We should meet up and talk about that some more. Shoot me an email and let me know when you're free.





  16. #16
    superArti artifice's Avatar
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    I chuck em into the friend category. Usually, its a one-way street, but occasionally someone pulls a dangerous move and drives through the wrong way.
    i woke up one morning and i stepped out of bed | had to get a bike, had to paint it red
    Of all the treasures I have, itís the memories that are the most precious.

  17. #17
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by artifice View Post
    I chuck em into the friend category. Usually, its a one-way street, but occasionally someone pulls a dangerous move and drives through the wrong way.
    crap. I'm pretty well screwed, huh...

  18. #18
    BF's Level 12 Wizard SingingSabre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    What's wrong with being just friends right now? If it happens, it happens.
    +1

    I've known my gf for two years...been dating almost two months now.
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    Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.

  19. #19
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by siu blue wind View Post
    what's wrong with being just friends right now? If it happens, it happens.
    +1
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  20. #20
    T-Shirt Guy ehidle's Avatar
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    I highly recommend following my philosophy of simply not dating. It isn't worth the hassle.
    Yellow + Blue Jerseys!

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  21. #21
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    What's wrong with being just friends right now? If it happens, it happens.
    so, does anyone think that meeting someone and maybe the sparkys are quite flying but you are still interested in getting to know the person is not the street to go down?? who's to say that once you get to know them a little better that the sparkys won't be there?? why should you throw them to the curb just because the sparkys don't immediately happen when you first meet them????

    just askin' cause i've been out of the dating scene far too long and have no idea......
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  22. #22
    Boffin TitaniuMerlin's Avatar
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    So far I am 0 - 2 on those dating site emails. No response. Of course, I'm never sure what to say in a first email to catch their attention. Sadly, I think that obligatory picture that is required sends them running.
    Titanium Merlin ~ Matt

  23. #23
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    dunno about the dating site place...i don't really know what to say either in an initial email and i'm also not sure as to whether i should be emailing the guys or waiting on them to email me...i tell ya what did work for nyguy though...he just wanted to ask a silly question and didnt ask until i said sure. he asked, i answered and we hit it off then and have just gone from there...just working on a friendship right now because, despite what some may say, i think having a good friend is important and if that friendship develops into something else, then great..if not, well, at least you have a good friend from it....maybe that's the wrong attitude to have, i don't know.

    i think i've got a good pic up, the profile is pretty good - it represents who i am, what i'm looking for, but not much luck so far; except for nyguy...and a couple of guys who i seem to talk to regularly but they are 1) too far away at this time, 2) at least 10yrs younger, and 3) maybe they're just friends right now...but then that 3rd one falls right into my theory that you should be friends first.....who the hell knows???
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  24. #24
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    so, does anyone think that meeting someone and maybe the sparkys are quite flying but you are still interested in getting to know the person is not the street to go down?? who's to say that once you get to know them a little better that the sparkys won't be there?? why should you throw them to the curb just because the sparkys don't immediately happen when you first meet them????

    just askin' cause i've been out of the dating scene far too long and have no idea......
    I'm not saying to give up on it or not try. I'm just the type the believes a true friendship is the strong base for a romantic relationship. And that with that type of relationship is a very deep trust - trust with feelings, trust with emotions, trust with that ability to help each other grow without judgment. Trust with the comfort of each other. Oh the sparks will be there, of course - and even more so with a true friendship, true love for that person. And then the romantic relationship will come naturally.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  25. #25
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    I'm not saying to give up on it or not try. I'm just the type the believes a true friendship is the strong base for a romantic relationship. And that with that type of relationship is a very deep trust - trust with feelings, trust with emotions, trust with that ability to help each other grow without judgment. Trust with the comfort of each other. Oh the sparks will be there, of course - and even more so with a true friendship, true love for that person. And then the romantic relationship will come naturally.
    +10000000000000000000000000000000000 that's exactly how i feel. and, fortunately, that's the way nyguy feels too. we've agreed to give it a try. i just think, as you do, that to have a strong romantic relationship, one needs a good solid foundation - and that foundation being a strong, true friendship.
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

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