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  1. #1
    Squirrel solveg's Avatar
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    I'm laughing so hard right now.

    So, I have this really powerful remote for my van. It has really really good reach. Longer than you'd expect a remote to have. One of my best friends lives next door to me, and I can see her front door from where I sit in the living room. So, she's doing a lot of chores, getting ready to go to Maryland for a week.

    This morning I started by tapping the remote every time she left the house to go to the garage or run an errand. Which was a lot, because she's getting ready for a trip.

    Everytime the horn beeped, she would stop and stare at the car, wondering if it made that noise. The stares have grown longer and longer all day, and the look on her face cracks me up. She hasn't told* me about the beeping yet, so I'm not sure she's convinced she's heard it.

    Tomorrow she has to go a bunch of places, and I'm going to move my car back about 5 feet every time she leaves, but continue with the beeping. At some point, I'll remotely open the side door and then watch her walk over to investigate. But I'll close it before she actually gets there.

    The car will edge closer and closer to her house and at the end of the day while she's inside, I'll set the intruder alarm off.

  2. #2
    AEO
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    Senior Member AEO's Avatar
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    rofl
    Food for thought: if you aren't dead by 2050, you and your entire family will be within a few years from starvation. Now that is a cruel gift to leave for your offspring. ;)
    http://sanfrancisco.ibtimes.com/arti...ger-photos.htm

  3. #3
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    You're super evil! I like it

  4. #4
    sniffin' glue zoltani's Avatar
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    I wish I had time like that on my hands. Sounds fun!

  5. #5
    superArti artifice's Avatar
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    LOVE IT!
    you must be retired, or work from home. I don't have time to think of things that evil.

  6. #6
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    I was just as bad.

    At my old work we had a camera over the main door entrance. People would have to ring the bell and then wait for me to buzz them in. I wouldn't buzz them in right away, because I knew that if I waited, they would back up so that they would be more prominent in the camera view and then start waving like crazy. Well as soon as they started to wave, I'd buzz. But it wasn't "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"...........it was "BZZZ". Just enough to make then dash and the push hard on a locked door.

    They'd ring again, go back into camera view and then "BZZZ". They would hella run back trying to catch it, this time pushing harder and actually hitting the door pretty hard. Sometimes I'd even "BZZ" it as soon as they ring it but they are walking back to be in view. By the time they turned around it's locked again.

    OMG!! I'd do that for like four times before I actually let them in. Heehee!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  7. #7
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    I was just as bad.

    At my old work we had a camera over the main door entrance. People would have to ring the bell and then wait for me to buzz them in. I wouldn't buzz them in right away, because I knew that if I waited, they would back up so that they would be more prominent in the camera view and then start waving like crazy. Well as soon as they started to wave, I'd buzz. But it wasn't "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"...........it was "BZZZ". Just enough to make then dash and the push hard on a locked door.

    They'd ring again, go back into camera view and then "BZZZ". They would hella run back trying to catch it, this time pushing harder and actually hitting the door pretty hard.

    OMG!! I'd do that for like four times before I actually let them in. Heehee!!


    OMG that's horrible....

  8. #8
    Squirrel solveg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    I was just as bad.

    At my old work we had a camera over the main door entrance. People would have to ring the bell and then wait for me to buzz them in. I wouldn't buzz them in right away, because I knew that if I waited, they would back up so that they would be more prominent in the camera view and then start waving like crazy. Well as soon as they started to wave, I'd buzz. But it wasn't "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"...........it was "BZZZ". Just enough to make then dash and the push hard on a locked door.

    They'd ring again, go back into camera view and then "BZZZ". They would hella run back trying to catch it, this time pushing harder and actually hitting the door pretty hard. Sometimes I'd even "BZZ" it as soon as they ring it but they are walking back to be in view. By the time they turned around it's locked again.

    OMG!! I'd do that for like four times before I actually let them in. Heehee!!
    We would be SUCH good friends!!!!

  9. #9
    Squirrel solveg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by artifice View Post
    LOVE IT!
    you must be retired, or work from home. I don't have time to think of things that evil.
    Yeah, I'm just sitting here, working from home with her front door in the middle of my window. I'll try and take a photo tomorrow.

  10. #10
    Crushing souls Hickeydog's Avatar
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    you guys are awful, awful people.




    No wonder I hand out with you.lol1lol1
    Quote Originally Posted by Wordbiker View Post

    What's frightening is how coherent Hickey was in posting that.

  11. #11
    Squirrel solveg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siu Blue Wind View Post
    I was just as bad.

    At my old work we had a camera over the main door entrance. People would have to ring the bell and then wait for me to buzz them in. I wouldn't buzz them in right away, because I knew that if I waited, they would back up so that they would be more prominent in the camera view and then start waving like crazy. Well as soon as they started to wave, I'd buzz. But it wasn't "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"...........it was "BZZZ". Just enough to make then dash and the push hard on a locked door.

    They'd ring again, go back into camera view and then "BZZZ". They would hella run back trying to catch it, this time pushing harder and actually hitting the door pretty hard. Sometimes I'd even "BZZ" it as soon as they ring it but they are walking back to be in view. By the time they turned around it's locked again.

    OMG!! I'd do that for like four times before I actually let them in. Heehee!!
    See, now what would be fun to do is to train the UPS guy. Instead of buzzing on the just the wave, you shape a behavior. So, first you beep for the wave until he does it right away, assuming he has to. Then you stop buzzing the wave, and wait for him to wave and do something else, like, move to the left, or hop up and down. You buzz that. After you've trained that in....well, you get the point. Pretty soon you have a waving, hopping, winking, yawning UPS guy.

  12. #12
    Senior Member TromboneAl's Avatar
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    On a trip there were two drinking fountains next to each other. I noticed that when one was on, the flow would decrease to almost nothing in the other. Each time my wife would bend down, I'd turn on my fountain. Took her about five tries before she figured it out.

    -----

    Howie Mandell was traveling with a fellow comedian. When his friend bought a pair of shoes, Howie went back and bought several more that were exactly the same, but different sizes. Then each night he'd secretly replace the shoes with a smaller pair. Friend went nuts.
    My Book: Drive, Ride, Repeat: The Mostly-True Account of a Cross-Country Car and Bicycle Adventure

  13. #13
    Dude wheres my guads? skinnyone's Avatar
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    You guys are all evil!

  14. #14
    Senior Member Marrock's Avatar
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    That's where a remote starter comes in handy, back when I had a dodge van with one I was standing in line to use an indoor ATM machine at the bank, a guy on a motor cycle pulls into the parking space next to it as he gets off his bike he happens to look into the van window for reasons I never figured out... so while he's standing in front of my van sorting out his helmet, gloves, and bank paperwork I hit the remote starter.

    When the engine caught he went about three feet into the air.
    "Engineering! It's like math, but louder."

  15. #15
    Squirrel solveg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marrock View Post
    That's where a remote starter comes in handy, back when I had a dodge van with one I was standing in line to use an indoor ATM machine at the bank, a guy on a motor cycle pulls into the parking space next to it as he gets off his bike he happens to look into the van window for reasons I never figured out... so while he's standing in front of my van sorting out his helmet, gloves, and bank paperwork I hit the remote starter.

    When the engine caught he went about three feet into the air.


    Well, I'm all bummed out now. I have no concept of what day it is when I'm out in the country like this. The days all blend together. So I thought it was Thursday, but it's Friday. So she's leaving tomorrow, and I'll have no way to continue my plot.

    The last time I beeped her, she did call me.

    "Are you beeping me?"
    "What?"
    "Well, (she explains the the situation)"
    "That's really wierd. Are you sure? Maybe my puppy has one of the remotes! Thanks for telling me!"

    And then later I reported that the puppy did not have one of the remotes, but that maybe there was a storm coming in, as sometimes lightning and electricity in the air can set things off like that.

  16. #16
    Barbieri Telefonico huhenio's Avatar
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    New motorcycle helmet with a trick latch?

    Just shut it close and walk away from the customer ...
    Giving Haircuts Over The Phone

  17. #17
    It is what it is... Minesbroken's Avatar
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    Today I had a peterbuilt dump truck pulled all the way up the the hallway door that goes up front to the showroom of my store. I was working on a navigation system in the truck and my boss and another employee were arguing in front of the truck for a good 10 minutes when I got sick of it and pulled the air horn cord for a good minute... like train horns this thing is. they both practically jumped out of there skins at the same time
    best part of my day...
    sign here so we can do stuff to your stuff...

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  18. #18
    Senior Member FlyingAnchor's Avatar
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    Can I play.

    Before I married my only wife I worked as a firefighter and was able to salvage an alarm klaxon from the crash shack (firehouse). It had short wire from being ripped off a wall so I hotwired a short plug and wire to it, about 3 feet long. I mailed it to my girl friend (now wife) in Boise Id. and told her it was a closet dehumidifier and it would do a great job.
    I also told her that it would take awhile to "warm up" so not to worry if it made some small noise. Let me tell you, that thing was loud, it was designed to wake up a sleeping fire station.

    Anyway, she and her mother got the package and went into her room to install it in the closet. Because the cord was so short she had to kneel over it as she plugged it in. She told me she almost jumped out of her skin when it went off because it was so loud. Her mother and her had no clue at this point that this was a trick, so they thought it just needed to warm up a little bit. She (now wife) plugged it in again and let it blare for awhile before it dawned on them that it wasn't going to stop.

    Strange that she did marry me.

    Steven
    Dragging Anchor

  19. #19
    (((Fully Awake))) Serendipper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingAnchor View Post
    Can I play.



    Steven

    Wow. You really don't like your mother-in-law, huh?
    __________________________________________________________________________________________________

    無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持

  20. #20
    Squirrel solveg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FlyingAnchor View Post
    Can I play.

    Before I married my only wife I worked as a firefighter and was able to salvage an alarm klaxon from the crash shack (firehouse). It had short wire from being ripped off a wall so I hotwired a short plug and wire to it, about 3 feet long. I mailed it to my girl friend (now wife) in Boise Id. and told her it was a closet dehumidifier and it would do a great job.
    I also told her that it would take awhile to "warm up" so not to worry if it made some small noise. Let me tell you, that thing was loud, it was designed to wake up a sleeping fire station.

    Anyway, she and her mother got the package and went into her room to install it in the closet. Because the cord was so short she had to kneel over it as she plugged it in. She told me she almost jumped out of her skin when it went off because it was so loud. Her mother and her had no clue at this point that this was a trick, so they thought it just needed to warm up a little bit. She (now wife) plugged it in again and let it blare for awhile before it dawned on them that it wasn't going to stop.

    Strange that she did marry me.

    Steven

  21. #21
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Oh that's messed up.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Marrock's Avatar
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    Hmmm... well now, there's always one of the tales of the "Hole in the Head Gang" I am wont to tell from time to time...

    An old friend of mine used to drive a van for the Herr's company, delivering chips and all to stores all over the place, he'd, of course, leave his car at the depot when he'd be at work and, being his best friend, I knew where he parked and where he kept the spare key...

    So one day I stop by to leave him a gentle reminder of the tenuousness of life, I popped the rotor arm out of his distributor and left it on the dash just out of the direct line of sight, so he wouldn't notice it right away but would see it once he realized his car wasn't starting.

    And inside his distributor cap I stuck a small note telling him that when he tried to start his car he managed to trigger the five pound block of C4 under the driver's seat.

    Shortly after I got home I received a singularly vitriolic phone call from him expressing his displeasure at being immolated before he could have a proper dinner.
    "Engineering! It's like math, but louder."

  23. #23
    (((Fully Awake))) Serendipper's Avatar
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    Father, it's been many years since my last confession:

    I wanted a friend to stop smoking, so I rolled a cigarette with crushed red peppers and waited for him to jones. It was especially effective to tell him not to smoke it. Then he was determined so set his head on fire. He was successful. He turned beet red and vomited for five minutes.
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    無上甚深微妙法 .... 百千萬劫難遭遇..... 我今見聞得受持

  24. #24
    Senior Member
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    My neighbor and I had the same cable company, same remote for the cable box. I used to stand on my porch and change the channel on him. Another time I looked out my front door window and saw him having a cigarette, so I called his home phone. He would go inside and I would hang up. He would come back out, smoke some, then I would call again. Did that a few times, till he said screw it.
    "harder" is not a very good safeword.

  25. #25
    Conquer Cancer rider Boudicca's Avatar
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    Remind me never to live next door to any of you.

    Or even in the same city/state/country perhaps.
    Zero gallons to the mile

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