I sent the following notice to all departments where I work because we have been forbidden to bid Merry Christmas. The logic behind this is that as a recepiant of Federal funds (Medicare and so forth) we would possibly be sued to do so....
In keeping with the new PC atmosphere engendered by our desire to continue to receive federal monies for our benevolent institution, I would like to wish everyone the following:
Happy Advent: 4 weeks leading up to Christmas
Happy St. Nicholas Day for all of our Dutch and German friends on December the 6th.
A Joyful Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe to our Catholic, Mexican friends on December 12th.
A Blissful St. Lucia Day for our Swedish, Norwiegan and Danish acquaintances on December 13th.
A Meaningful Las Posadas on December 16th to all of our Mexican friends (they get more parties, it just isn’t fair).
Happy Yule on December 20th to 22nd.
A Great Winter Solstice to our Wiccian buddies on December 21st..
For all you Hopi’s out there, Joyful Soyaluna on December 22nd.
Our Chinese friends would appreciate a happy DongZhi on December 21st – 23rd.
A warm and Cozy Christmas Eve on December 24th.
Merry Christmas! December 25th.
Start celebrating the 12 days of Christmas from December 25th – January 5th.
Then we can move to Happy Channukah from December 26th to January 2nd.
While we’re at it we should celebrate Kwanzaa from December 26th – January 1st.
The day after Christmas is Boxing Day.
And last but in now way to be interpreted as least, Omisoka for our Japanese friends.
Of course this meaningful holiday cheer will lead to increased call offs, depression, gluttony, and having to endure countless obnoxious relatives and attempting to act as if you are enjoying yourself. Finally, the middle of January rolls around and you now enjoy the guilt of over-eating, over-spending and over-drinking and you feverishly go back to work in an attempt to catch up what you’ve let go so that you may get ready for the most important day of the year!
Super Bowl Day! February 1st. Get your requests in early, call-offs for this day will actually have to pay their employers the amount that they would have received had they shown up for work.
Also part of Christmas: The Three Magic Kings Day (January 6). Very similar to Christmas itself, but with a few differences:
- The 3 Kings are the ones bringing the gifts instead of Santa.
- They left gifts below the child's bed instead of below the tree.
- You left grass and water for the camels instead of milk and cookies.
Having a multicultural family, my children get gifts by both Santa (Dec 25) and the Kings (Jan 6). Pretty sweet for everybody except of course for RubenX who's the one paying for it all.
A common joke about the three kings day goes as follows:
Dude 1 - Oh man, I'm so exited, I already left grass under my bed for the camels. I hope the kings bring me that new Xbox game to play it on the console I got on Christmas! What about you?
Dude 2 - I took the Xbox console I got on Christmas and put it under the bed.
Dude 1 - But, what for?
Dude 2 - Since my mom discovered my stash, I figured I could leave toys for the king's camels and they will bring me some grass.