One minute I held the key...next minute the walls were closed on me. . .
I have always been a mellow, if not lazy, person.
When I entered law school this fall, my goal was to do as well as I could while still maintaining balance in my life. I was confident that I could do it. My brother, who graduated from law school many years ago, told me again and again that it wasn't that hard, that people make it into a bigger deal than it really is, and that if I just kept up on the readings I would be ok.
I worked hard at maintaining that balance. I took one or two evenings off a week, and usually most of one of the weekend days. I kept up in all my classes and prepared my course outlines for the finals before the last week of class began. That was about the time when I decided I had to be the best in my class.
I think, after one week of exams down and another week to go, that I will not be the best in my class. I want to believe that I did well, but truth be told I know I could have written much better exams. I will not be surprised if I receive very average grades. In an era of grade inflation, this can be a very big blow to the ego. . .
But I don't think it should be. The achievement ethic which has gripped my school, as I'm sure it grips many students at most professional schools, is hollow if not supported by substance. I believe there are many people who seek to achieve in order to do great things, and I support them in their hard work. But I have much humbler goals for my life, and being a leader--even in my community--is not one of them. It is hard to remember my personal goals while surrounded with people who have much different goals than I do, who seek positions of power and leadership in the state, the region, or maybe the nation and world.
It is difficult, but I am trying to regain my focus. Exams and the fever that surrounds them have enveloped my world, and I want to emerge from that clear headed and re-focused. Has anyone else ever been swept up in a wave that they did not believe was right, either for them or absolutely? It is a suffocating feeling.
. . . who would ever want to be king?