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Old 01-08-09, 01:28 PM   #1
RubenX 
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I am sorry - (an Ex-Girlfriend thread)

I loved her deeply. During those two years she made me change my ways for the better, I learned a lot while I was with her. We never had an argument, she never raised her voice, not one single fight, ever. I felt truly blessed to have her by my side.

But sht happens. She broke up with me (probably my fault, probably not). She offered friendship (classical). But I loved her too much. I knew that if I keep seeing her, talking to her or even getting news about her, I would never let it go. I was going to be on a permanent depression unless I let go of that girl, it was a self-preservation issue.

I did the whole routine, I relocated, changed jobs... the works. But it wasn't enough. We were still talking on the phone every now and then. I was not strong enough as to reject her calls. But it takes two to tango. If I could make her hate me, she will refuse my calls. That could close every communication channel with the ex and I could start my healing process. I had one shoot, one opportunity to hurt her so bad, she will never want to talk to me again. Here I copy pasta what happened from a foo confessions thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
Oh, breakup/cheating confessions too? OK, here I go

Around 1996 fiance breaks up with me and tells me I need to move out. When I went to pick up my stuff, a buddy of mine had this fantastic idea of sending his pregnant wife with me. The pregnant girl had a talk with my ex-fiance while I was loading my stuff, a truly theatrical performance:

"I never contacted you before because I know he loves you deeply and I didn't wanted to screw up what he had with you. But the truth is, even tho we'd been together only once, I love him deeply and I always dreamed about marrying him so our child could grow up with both his parents....yada yada".

The Ex-fiance was really messed up after that.
The last memory I have my ex: She was on the porch, crying.

The plan worked, connection was severed and we never talked again. As expected, she avoided me like the plague. I eventually healed and moved on. But I always felt bad for letting her believe that awful lie.

I wish I could see her now. I want to tell her it was a lie, she was never cheated on, there was no need, she was awesome. I want her to know that. I want to tell her I'm sorry. God knows what happened to that girl's life because of that lie. From all my mistakes, I regret that one the most.

I could probably track her down. Last thing I knew she had an address in MA. I don't know if I should. Should I? Maybe she doesn't care by now. Maybe it would do more harm than good. I don't wanna scare her into thinking I'm a stalker that's still obsessed with her, that's not the case. But I'm afraid that's how it's gonna look like.
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Old 01-08-09, 01:31 PM   #2
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stay away from people

there are over 3 billion other females out there
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Old 01-08-09, 01:34 PM   #3
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Aren't you married, but apologizing to an ex-girlfriend from the last century?

I know this is FOO, but I get so lost in here every day...!
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Old 01-08-09, 01:36 PM   #4
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All that effort when an upper deck would've said it so much more effectively.
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Old 01-08-09, 01:40 PM   #5
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All that effort when an upper deck would've said it so much more effectively.
You mean these: (*)(*)

???
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Old 01-08-09, 01:43 PM   #6
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truncated
You know those times when you're making a great meal, but for some reason it fails to deliver, so you decide to turn up (or turn down) the heat, cook it faster, change this or that and then make a fail into a EPIC fail?

These are one of those times.

The damage is as done as a train wreck. Leave it alone.
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Old 01-08-09, 01:47 PM   #7
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You mean these: (*)(*)

???
No, this.
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Ski, bike and wish I was gay.
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Old 01-08-09, 01:48 PM   #8
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I was thinking this:

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Old 01-08-09, 01:50 PM   #9
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OUCH - that musta hurt.
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Old 01-08-09, 01:53 PM   #10
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So, you uh, want to poke the hive with a stick, eh?

Bad idea.
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Old 01-08-09, 02:01 PM   #11
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You're married (with issues, granted, but married none-the-less). Unless you are planning on rekindling the flame, you have no reason to do this. If you do this, then you are leaving yourself open to being unfaithful with your wife - which would then make you guilty of exactly the thing you weren't guilty of with her. Women that are worth holding onto, are generally very wary of guys who would leave someone they have a commitment to for someone else. In the back of the mind would be the nagging doubt - "will he do the same thing to me?"

As a married man, I admit to engaging in the occasional wondering "what if" about one of my former girlfriends, and also about some other women I've met since getting married, but the grass possibly being a bit greener on the other side is no reason to betray trust and faith by acting upon such thoughts.

Don't do it. It will not end well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
I loved her deeply. During those two years she made me change my ways for the better, I learned a lot while I was with her. We never had an argument, she never raised her voice, not one single fight, ever. I felt truly blessed to have her by my side.

But sht happens. She broke up with me (probably my fault, probably not). She offered friendship (classical). But I loved her too much. I knew that if I keep seeing her, talking to her or even getting news about her, I would never let it go. I was going to be on a permanent depression unless I let go of that girl, it was a self-preservation issue.

I did the whole routine, I relocated, changed jobs... the works. But it wasn't enough. We were still talking on the phone every now and then. I was not strong enough as to reject her calls. But it takes two to tango. If I could make her hate me, she will refuse my calls. That could close every communication channel with the ex and I could start my healing process. I had one shoot, one opportunity to hurt her so bad, she will never want to talk to me again. Here I copy pasta what happened from a foo confessions thread:



The last memory I have my ex: She was on the porch, crying.

The plan worked, connection was severed and we never talked again. As expected, she avoided me like the plague. I eventually healed and moved on. But I always felt bad for letting her believe that awful lie.

I wish I could see her now. I want to tell her it was a lie, she was never cheated on, there was no need, she was awesome. I want her to know that. I want to tell her I'm sorry. God knows what happened to that girl's life because of that lie. From all my mistakes, I regret that one the most.

I could probably track her down. Last thing I knew she had an address in MA. I don't know if I should. Should I? Maybe she doesn't care by now. Maybe it would do more harm than good. I don't wanna scare her into thinking I'm a stalker that's still obsessed with her, that's not the case. But I'm afraid that's how it's gonna look like.
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Old 01-08-09, 02:28 PM   #12
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Quote:
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-snip-

I could probably track her down.
Don't even think about it. You make a mistake. Don't compound it.
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.... Other than being completely wrong, you're correct.
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Old 01-08-09, 03:57 PM   #13
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Don't do it, Ruben. Let it go. Back away from the telephone, the email, the text message whatever. Go play with one of your kids or have a sandwich or something. The past is the past so leave it there. That and your wife will probably take a strip off you. The misery will be hideous.
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Old 01-08-09, 06:26 PM   #14
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A 100% unanimous Foo advice can't be wrong and shall not be ignored. Ex's address has been deleted.

The Foo forums... Protecting it's members from self-destructive stupidity.

THX...
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Old 01-08-09, 06:36 PM   #15
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No, this.

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Old 01-08-09, 06:44 PM   #16
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I really think that honesty is always the best option and telling her that you just had to cut things off because you just couldn't stand it would have been far better than fabricating this very hurtful lie.

I know this lovely and beautiful lady (and we have known each other for more than a decade) and I know that she has some very strong feelings for me... because she has been honest.

She is also the most honourable of people and because I do adore her so understood that we can't be around each other because it causes her a great deal of turmoil and pain (she is very religious) to have such thoughts.

My feelings for her are as a friend and she knows this and part of loving other people means that even if it hurts you, you must always protect their hearts before your own.

Truth is always the best way... I miss my friend and we do see each other from time to time but even though I am technically single I don't call her up to see if she wants to hang out or do stuff. If we do get together it's usually at larger group functions where we both just happen to be.

Anyways...

I almost think it would be the right thing to do...to contact this lady and let her know you lied to her and that you were always faithful but could not think of any other way to end things.

Things should also stay ended as you have both moved on and have different lives.
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Old 01-08-09, 06:49 PM   #17
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I kind of think the 'x' deserves the gratification of knowing that this lie has plagued you so long.
Sadly, I think it would make my day to find out news like this.
(sorry to be the single, adverse voice.)
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Old 01-08-09, 06:56 PM   #18
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^^^

I disagree. Imagine if she were just starting to let go of it all, and then Mr. X comes back with the news that everything was a lie to get rid of her...

Talk about starting over!
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Old 01-08-09, 06:56 PM   #19
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You are engaging in euphoric memory and self-pity. Stop it! Go out and volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other way to help others. The grass is always greener on the other side. Besides, she may look like Kathy Bates now!
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Old 01-08-09, 06:59 PM   #20
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I kind of think the 'x' deserves the gratification of knowing that this lie has plagued you so long.
Sadly, I think it would make my day to find out news like this.
(sorry to be the single, adverse voice.)
Would you follow it up with a restraining order?
I think I may spend the next day getting a restraining order sworn up after being tracked down by a tortured ex.

Sorry Ruben.
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Old 01-08-09, 07:04 PM   #21
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10' pole...don't touch that situation with one.
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Old 01-08-09, 08:01 PM   #22
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Moveth on.
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Old 01-08-09, 08:08 PM   #23
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Chances are you'd probably make more mistakes if you saw her again.
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Old 01-08-09, 08:27 PM   #24
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This is the only thing I'll add. I don't know how it is for others but on the occasion I've fallen in love it is permanent. There are ghost that always rattle chains in the basement.
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Old 01-08-09, 08:31 PM   #25
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I was thinking this:

what a neat picture btw.
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