...and I've been feeling like this for the last few weeks now, possibly even slightly before I left my job on the 19th of December. This has been on and off, but I think it's mostly on.
Thankfully, I'm fine physically (or so I think). Unfortunately, I'm definitely not okay mentally or emotionally. I really don't know why this is, or what initiated this state of being, but all that I know is that on most days, I'm very irritable, unmotivated to do anything, let alone ride, and have been unwilling to talk to or visit anyone. It's an overwhelming feeling of apathy that I used to feel when I worked at another job that I absolutely hated a year ago. I didn't like my job towards the end this year, but it was the long-ish commute that prevented me from feeling so gloomy all of the time (though I'm unsure if that has something to do with my current mood).
I really don't want to be like this. I hate being so stoic to people that I love and really care about, or just people in general. I hate being so empty for no damned good reason at all. In fact, I have everything going for me right now. Incredible girlfriend, new semester on its way, all the electronics I could ever need, health, family, enough money to last at least until I get a temporary source of income...nothing to really complain about. I'm usually a very amiable and easy-going person, but these last few days has really shown the darker side of me. I'm trying to kick whatever this is by finding stuff to go so that I can go out again. Tonight, I'm going to a show at some bar in Brooklyn. Initially, I was going to go alone, but I think I'm going to bring my girlfriend (or at least someone) with me. I'm already doing something I'm looking forward to on Saturday, but I might take a nice train trip on Sunday and bring my camera along with me.
Sorry that this was so long. Thanks for reading.