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Old 01-24-09, 10:21 AM   #1
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Told my family to "F" off! Do I suck for it?

We had a little "family meeting" last night, and things were said by my nephew that all knew were untrue, but no one had the courage to stand up and tell him that he was FOS, so I did, and thats when everyone turned on me and defended him! From my dad down to my sis. He's been the lying, drug addict, drug dealing, drop out, disrespecful, piece "O" crap he's alway been and they defended him!? Why you might ask? because he tried to get his GED! How did he try? He called Temple U one time and gave up because in his words,"They're stupid!" so after they turned on me they praised him for "trying to get his GED!" WTF! THEN he had the nerve to ask my dad to buy him a car! I was like, @#$% @#$% @#$$%$#! and futher more! #@@$%! @#$%$#@! @#$% %$#@#$ %$#@#$! and I basically told them ALL that I didnt want to hear or see any of them ever again and that they should prepare to enjoy each others company when they all meet up in the bowels of satans arsehole! Then I went ahead and pointed at them each! one by one, and said,"F you!, F you!, F you!, F you!, and F you! (Yes, that included my dad I then put my jacket on and walked out while they all looked at each other with the biggest look of surprise on ALL their faces. I slept good last night.
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Old 01-24-09, 10:28 AM   #2
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Sometimes, you just need blow up and let the world know how you feel.

And no, you don't suck for it.
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Old 01-24-09, 10:32 AM   #3
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wait so your going to abandon your family because your nephew didn't finish H.S. and wants a car?
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Old 01-24-09, 10:32 AM   #4
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He called Temple U one time and gave up because in his words,"They're stupid!"
As a Temple student, I agree with your nephew wholeheartedly.
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Old 01-24-09, 10:34 AM   #5
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Nah, you don't suck for it. You're an ass, but you don't suck. Just make sure you talk to them about it when you aren't feeling so frustrated. Communication is key, buddy.
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Old 01-24-09, 10:34 AM   #6
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I'm not going to judge you. From what you have posted, I would say that your family is in denial of the problems your nephew has and are enabling him to get a way with what he does...so that he doesn't sink further down the hole of addiction.

If what you say is true, he probably won't get in rear in gear until he hits bottom...your family won't let him hit bottom. I'm not suggesting this but if were arrested and incarcerated then it may be the swift kick in the realize the drama he is causing everyone.

You burned a bridge and over time, it can be rebuilt. BTDT.

But what do I know, I'm, not a counselor nor am I a psychologist. Just some guy with an internet connection.

Go out and have a long ride and mull things over.
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Old 01-24-09, 10:39 AM   #7
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nah, you don't suck for it. You're an ass, but you don't suck. just make sure you talk to them about it when you aren't feeling so frustrated. Communication is key, buddy.
+1
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Old 01-24-09, 10:45 AM   #8
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Sounds like you got a little emotional on the topic...

While a GED is a good first step, it is hardly the end... a GED is only the first step toward something, and hardly something worthy of piling praise on someone for (unless the person has learning disabilities or something).

While I may disagree with the method, there is a part of me that is sitting back and thinking, "Give 'em Hell Harry!"

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Old 01-24-09, 10:48 AM   #9
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I agree, kick 'em to the curb. I have no contact with my extended family anymore, and at most see my parents once a month (they are a 45 min drive away). Even that bugs the crap out of me and I try to go several months without seeing them.

Only reason I stop by to see my parents is because I don't have any place to work on my motorcycle at my apartment. I don't let my father touch the bike, and try to stop by when my parents are not at home but since my mom refuses to get a job they are pretty unavoidable.
Sorry, lauren, that's pretty sad. I'm not sure what it would take to kick my fam to the curb, but I can't imagine that anything that would be said or would happen wouldn't be repairable or at least worth the effort.
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Old 01-24-09, 10:50 AM   #10
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everyone loses it from time to time. Sounds like the family is full of enanblers. When someone has a substance abuse problem you cannot help support the behavior. It seems your family is in denial and that is very common.

So you told everyone to F off....it happens.........

The family will have to help by not enabling your nephew....I suggest Alanon.....

Best of luck!
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Old 01-24-09, 11:12 AM   #11
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i love family drama
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Old 01-24-09, 11:19 AM   #12
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I think there are some parts missing to the story? You don't suck for saying how you feel, but I would try to come to some sort of a compromise. If he really is drug addicted, I can see how he failed to get a GED. Obviously, that's not his high (heh) priority right now, and it sounds like your family is just trying to encourage more of this "responsible" type behavior.

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Old 01-24-09, 11:38 AM   #13
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You might have gone a little overboard, but it just might have been what the family needed. Point out to the family that being a drop out is not necessarily a bad thing. There probably a few drop outs out there that became very successful. Degrees/diploma's do not make a person any better, it's just paper. We all have known people who graduated from here/there with this/that, and are still complete morons. Anyways...

Take the emotion out. Your nephew doesn't want to further his academic career, fine. His chosen career does not require one. Point out that the drug trafficking business is VERY lucrative for some people, legal/moral issues aside. But your nephew can't be all that good as a *businessman* if he needs your dad to provide investment capital for transportational improvements.

Better yet, have the family chip in and buy the nephew a one way ticket to Istanbul. They are a helluva lot tougher on the drug dealers over there. By the time the U.S. State Dept. could get him out, he probably won't ever want to have anything to do with drugs again...
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Old 01-24-09, 11:39 AM   #14
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I think are some parts missing to the story? You don't suck for saying how you feel, but I would try to come to some sort of a compromise. If he really is drug addicted, I can see how he failed to get a GED. Obviously, that's not his high (heh) priority right now, and it sounds like your family is just trying to encourage more of this "responsible" type behavior.


And I don't blame you for blowing up...not the best way to handle things But I have done it on occasion with mixed results. Sometimes you have to get your point across. I have a brother that is in a similar situation and is being enabled by his wife and my mother I cut to the chase a long time ago and told him I loved him dearly but that was it, no loans, references, handouts or whatever the cause of the day was. Other brother did pretty much the same thing, and my sister is on the fence...

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Old 01-24-09, 11:39 AM   #15
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How about looking up the nephew and having a one on one talk with him, a serious man to man type of talk. Explain to him in no uncertain terms that he should stay away from your family from now on or things will fall.

Hope you can repair the family damage.

Steven
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Old 01-24-09, 12:12 PM   #16
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Well Done! And don't stop there, make some predictions too... that way you could enjoy some "I told you so" moments... those are priceless.
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Old 01-24-09, 12:15 PM   #17
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It's been lots of little and not so little things. I got tired of the BS and my parents trying to control me. Southern baptist parents and I'm in grad school for biomedical engineering, like motorcycles, had my tubes tied, got a tatt, don't go to church, etc. I've been so sick I can barely get out of bed, but one of the things that motivated me for a long time was that if I quit grad school I'd have to move in with my parents. Doesn't help that my parents have said they'd give me about $3,500 ($3k I gave them and they said they'd give back, and offered to pay for grad school applications) and then "forgot" and when I mention it, they ***** about how "poor" they are even though I couldn't afford a car, and they just bought a brand new minivan and other BS that makes me want to hurt them.

My extended family is more of the same. Neither of us like the other's lifestyle. I sent my grandparents a card a week ago, try to do that about once a year and that's all the extended family contact I have.
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Old 01-24-09, 01:54 PM   #18
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I feel like an event very similar to this one may come up with my eldest son.

Like your situation, he's been struggling with drugs and underemployment for years now. The last smrt move he made was somewhere outside of Reno where he's sponging off a family that is apparently as enabling as they come...even to kids that aren't their own.

The "point" of the move last December was that there's "no work here at all" and with a job out there he'd be able to pay his court restitution. The family sent him a bus ticket (WTF?) so he went. Well...over a month now and still no job. He called me a week ago saying that he'd be moving back soon....to what or where I have no idea, but it was obvious he was trolling for someone to offer him yet more charity. I can tell you...it's not going to be me.

He's fought me over his independence his entire life...now he has it. He's 19, has no job, no money saved, no car, no house and only graduated after transferring to secondary school where you can be stoned every day and they'll still give you a diploma. Color me unimpressed.
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Old 01-24-09, 02:04 PM   #19
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I am guessing that I am a bit older than the OP. Not certain though.

The day may come when you miss your family. I suggest mending rifts before they get too large.
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Old 01-24-09, 02:25 PM   #20
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The problem is this: You told each and every one of them to F off. That is about the emotionally strongest way to reject a person I know of. If you want to mend fences, you better start now. If you have no intention of mending fences, you better start looking at apartments.
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Old 01-24-09, 02:26 PM   #21
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No suck here. With the information you gave, I would have done the exact same.
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Old 01-24-09, 02:39 PM   #22
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I have no real advice for you, as my family relationships (outside of the parents) are definitely nothing to brag about. My choice though. I would say that its worth at least trying to talk it over with the parents and find out what they are thinking. And if you can, encourage your nephew to do better for himself....dealing and using is no way to live.
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Old 01-24-09, 02:40 PM   #23
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Look for a new family.
They might be better then your first one.
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Old 01-24-09, 05:39 PM   #24
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I am guessing that I am a bit older than the OP. Not certain though.

The day may come when you miss your family. I suggest mending rifts before they get too large.
Im 43, and Ive learned to be "without" long ago.
Doohickie, Ive owned my own home going on 20 years.
ModoVincere, Ive been trying to help this kid since he was 12, no positive response. Im done.
10 Wheels, I do have a new family, going on 25 years they're the cats pajamas
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Old 01-24-09, 08:18 PM   #25
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No you don't suck for doing that. It's probably just what they needed for enabling a dropout and drug addict. Them allowing him drag them down with him by no means, means you have to go too.
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