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  1. #1
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    Why is this so difficult?

    I spent about a year being sober. It was my own choice after doing some thinking regarding the reasons why I was drinking so much.
    I had things under control. Didn't touch a drop of alcohol for nearly a year... So I thought, what damage could it do if I have a beer? Just a beer. That wasn't a problem. Until it was. About a month later (this past weekend) that "just one beer" had turned right back into a 6-pack and half-bottle of scotch. What the hell? If anyone can believe it, I really didn't see it becoming a problem again until I was taking out the weekend trash and surveyed the fallen soldiers piled up in the bag.

    So... I'm back to not touching the stuff anymore. Apparently that's the only safe choice I've got.

  2. #2
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    Sometimes it's the only way. Hang in there and be tough.

    "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off." Uh ... not literally. Just sayin' take care of the source. Don't let it take care of you.

  3. #3
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Hang in there, be tough, and don't be afraid to get some help if you need it.

  4. #4
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    What's difficult isn't staying away from it, thankfully. Much like when I smoked, I didn't have a problem just not buying them and that was the end of it. What's difficult is trying to wrap my brain around what malfunction I've got that shuts off the self-control center if I do drink. There only seem to be 2 modes of alcoholic beverage consumption: None, or quantities-that-kill-normal-people.

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    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
    What's difficult isn't staying away from it, thankfully. Much like when I smoked, I didn't have a problem just not buying them and that was the end of it. What's difficult is trying to wrap my brain around what malfunction I've got that shuts off the self-control center if I do drink. There only seem to be 2 modes of alcoholic beverage consumption: None, or quantities-that-kill-normal-people.
    sounds like me....I don't drink often, but when I do, I will stop when the bottle is empty.

  6. #6
    Hazardous Taerom's Avatar
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    What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Livers and brain cells are for wussies.

  7. #7
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    Friend of mine is a recovering heroin addict. She was messed up pretty young (14), by 18 she cleaned herself up of drugs and alcohol. At 22 she figured what the heck, it's one drink. In a few months she was in the worse shape of her life (drinking, heroin, crack). Just that one drink opened the floodgates and sent her in a steep and dramatic spiral.

    Congratulations for recognizing what your limitations are, most people discover that when they're in much worse shape. If you need support PM away!

  8. #8
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Just keep off it then, Jason. You've done good for a long time. When you feel an urge to go out and get some booze, take Ascii for a romp outside instead!
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  9. #9
    phony collective progress x136's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
    So... I'm back to not touching the stuff anymore. Apparently that's the only safe choice I've got.
    In general, I tend to not think of "cold turkey and never again" as the way to go about things. But since you've found very conclusively that moderation isn't something you can jive with, then by all means do what you need to do to get your life in the order that you desire.

    (Also, jesus, a six pack and a half bottle of scotch?)

  10. #10
    Senior Member downtube42's Avatar
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    I takes a dose of humility to accept that other people can but you can't. And humility takes great strength.
    What is bicycle touring?
    "So I kept looking and eventually found that a spark plug had same threads. So I cycled next two days until I got to Jackson, MS with a spark plug instead of right pedal." - mev

  11. #11
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    Thanx everyone for the support and encouragement.



    Quote Originally Posted by x136 View Post
    (Also, jesus, a six pack and a half bottle of scotch?)
    Kids, don't try this at home. I'm a professional.

    Quote Originally Posted by downtube42 View Post
    I takes a dose of humility to accept that other people can but you can't.
    And right now, I hate them all.
    Humility has never been a strong point of mine. This may take some getting used to.

  12. #12
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
    What's difficult isn't staying away from it, thankfully. Much like when I smoked, I didn't have a problem just not buying them and that was the end of it. What's difficult is trying to wrap my brain around what malfunction I've got that shuts off the self-control center if I do drink. There only seem to be 2 modes of alcoholic beverage consumption: None, or quantities-that-kill-normal-people.

    BINGO!!

    Because you know that you can stop without an issue, you do it again - you are trusting yourself. But what you didn't see till now is that it grows into a bigger problem.

    You'll be okay. It's not difficult. You see it now and that's all you need. You sound like a strong guy so I have confidence you will be able to not start again.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  13. #13
    aka Phil Jungels Wanderer's Avatar
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    Get your buttt to AA. They can really help!

  14. #14
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Good luck. My grandma used to say quitting smoking was the easiest thing she'd ever done. Hell, she did it a million times. Addictions are funny things. I have some alcoholism in my family, but I am a moderate drinker. I also occasionally smoke, but I've never been addicted. The brain is so complex that I think I'm the oddball out, and you're the normal one.

    It sounds like you can at least recognize it, and that's more than most people can do. We're pulling for you and don't hesitate to PM if you need to.

  15. #15
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    Something's got to replace that addiction. Whether it's AA, clubs, church or (in kicking painkillers) riding the heck out of bikes like mr. pcad. You know, the whole "idle hands..." thing. Bikes sure does make a lot of sense. You've just got to be able to ride outside in 17 degree weather this time of year. Have fun with that.

    Good luck in staying on the wagon!

  16. #16
    Senior Member thomson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UnsafeAlpine View Post
    Good luck. My grandma used to say quitting smoking was the easiest thing she'd ever done. Hell, she did it a million times. ---.
    Mark Twain stole that quote from your grandma and he didn't even get it right

    “It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.” Mark Twain

    CliftonGK1, congratulations on recognizing the situation. I don't really understand the attraction to alcohol so I really have nothing else to say except congratulations and good luck.

  17. #17
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thomson View Post
    Mark Twain stole that quote from your grandma and he didn't even get it right

    “It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times.” Mark Twain
    That jerk!


    Apparently, I was born into a family of plagerizers.

  18. #18
    Packfodding 3 caloso's Avatar
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    You might want to find a meeting.
    Cyclists of the world, unite! You have nothing to lube but your chains!

  19. #19
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
    Get your buttt to AA. They can really help!
    Quote Originally Posted by caloso View Post
    You might want to find a meeting.
    Not to bag on the program, because I know it helps a lot of people, but it's not what I need. It's not a daily struggle that I contend with, trying to quit. A couple days ago I looked at the situation, said "Well damn, I really don't have this under control like I thought I could" and that's that.
    It's not like I "accidentally" started drinking again. I honestly thought that after a year of staying dry I would have the appropriate self control. As it turns out, I was very wrong. This is same as when I put it down a little over a year ago, just this time I know I can't pick it back up. Ever.

  20. #20
    shaken, not stirred. gnome's Avatar
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    Good luck to dealing with it and don't be afraid to ask for professional help.
    Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live. ~Mark Twain, "Taming the Bicycle"
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  21. #21
    Has opinion, will express
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    I think, CliftonGK1, you have reached that vital decision. The first one was based on giving up, but a maybe going back in the future. Now you've got to the BIG one, the most important one. That you can't pick it back up, ever (as you say).

    I'm lucky, I can moderate my drinking these days to a few nice wines with Machka when we are together, or some drinks with work colleagues at Christmas time. Otherwise, I hardly drink at all... compared with up to three litres of wine a night back in the day.

    It's the realisation of the very real damage it can do to you and others. You don't mention if there are significant other people in your life, but I do know that Machka is one person I do not ever, ever want to hurt with drinking... and that is a great motivator to keep a very tight rein on it.

    Plus, the financial rewards mean more money to spend on bikes and travel. I rationalised giving up smoking, drinking and petrol (as in cars) by convincing myself that all I was doing when buying that stuff was to line the pockets of faceless billionaires and a high-taxing government all of whom couldn't give a rat's root about my personal wellbeing.

    It's worked well so far!

    Good luck. Keep looking for inspiration. Know that you can do it. I did it by myself with no outside help. I think you're quite capable of doing the same thing.
    Dream. Dare. Do.

  22. #22
    free mallocs
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    Quote Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
    What's difficult isn't staying away from it, thankfully. Much like when I smoked, I didn't have a problem just not buying them and that was the end of it. What's difficult is trying to wrap my brain around what malfunction I've got that shuts off the self-control center if I do drink. There only seem to be 2 modes of alcoholic beverage consumption: None, or quantities-that-kill-normal-people.
    I don't know if that self-control centre can be trained with practice, or if it's something that's either there or not. If you have someone you trust to keep you in control when you're not, you might consider consciously trying to train yourself with their support. Since you apparently don't have any trouble stopping altogether and staying stopped when you do notice things are getting out of hand, the risks might be low enough to be worth trying it out, particularly if you do enjoy a beverage now and then.

    I would counsel that such a decision be made in consultation with the person you're relying on for support, so they're fully aware of what's going on and aren't going to be all "oh it'll be alright this one time..." or whatever.

  23. #23
    Senior Member AnthonyG's Avatar
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    I may ramble on here so here we go. I gave up alcohol about 15 years ago now because my health just couldn't deal with it and it was the right decision. I have enough toxic things to deal with in my life and my liver doesn't need the extra load from alcohol. I never intended to give up forever. I still feel that one day I may drink a low amount of alcohol again in social situations but to be honest I NEVER missed alcohol. I'm just not sitting here thinking, gee I would like a drink about now.

    The only issue I have with my decision is that i make a social pariah of myself by not drinking and ultimately when I'm well again its the social implications that may make me drink again but at the moment my health requirements are strong enough to make me stick to my guns although in the last 15 years I may have had a few drinks once every couple of years.

    Anyway I've got to say that as someone who only has a couple of drinks it doesn't really do ANYTHING for me at all. Nothing but make me feel drowsy and slow. To me its not a social lubricant.

    So I can easily understand that when you went to have a few it suddenly turned into a lot. Just a couple of drinks doesn't do it.

    So, if you also find that a couple of drinks isn't really a social lubricant and you just want to sit on your own and get drunk then maybe alcohol really isn't for you.

    Anthony

  24. #24
    Senior Member thomson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UnsafeAlpine View Post
    ---


    Apparently, I was born into a family of plagerizers.
    Oh, I don't think so..I am sure she developed it on her own, I bet a lot of people have (some even before Twain). It is a great quote.

  25. #25
    The Site Administrator: Currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes,please contact my assistnt admins for forum issues Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CliftonGK1 View Post
    Not to bag on the program, because I know it helps a lot of people, but it's not what I need. It's not a daily struggle that I contend with, trying to quit. A couple days ago I looked at the situation, said "Well damn, I really don't have this under control like I thought I could" and that's that.
    It's not like I "accidentally" started drinking again. I honestly thought that after a year of staying dry I would have the appropriate self control. As it turns out, I was very wrong. This is same as when I put it down a little over a year ago, just this time I know I can't pick it back up. Ever.
    Sounds like you have a handle on things, and good on ya! I'm also only a PM away.
    on light duty due to illness; please contact my assistants for forum issues. They are Siu Blue Wind, or CbadRider or the other 3 star folk. I am currently at home recovering from a couple of strokes. I am making good progress, happily.


    . “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

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