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Old 01-29-09, 10:41 PM   #1
StupidlyBrave 
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Not dateless losers: But Marriage is the chief cause of divorce?



Inspired by this...

It's been suggested that the married folks can't relate to relationship problems in the context of single and alone.

What works? What doesn't work?

In May, I'll be married 25 years. I can't answer either question definitively. I wake up and I start over.

What's your secret? How do you keep it together? What mine-fields have you successfully navigated?

Discuss...
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Old 01-29-09, 10:48 PM   #2
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Mine-fields... I've divorced ... and re-married my wife. Some serious minefields avoidance here. It's been 13 years (compound) and still going. Lately, living far far away from both families have helped IMHO. But that's only my case. Some people get along with their in-laws pretty well and my technique does not apply.

I honestly think that most people give up way too easy.
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Old 01-29-09, 10:51 PM   #3
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my boyfriend did not think the idea of getting married in a pedobear costume with me in a schoolgirl outfit was funny, so I will not be able to post in this thread. Don't want to get married, and now that he has turned down all my ideas I won't.
You need to dump him if he keeps turning all your ideas down...
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Old 01-29-09, 10:52 PM   #4
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my boyfriend did not think the idea of getting married in a pedobear costume with me in a schoolgirl outfit was funny, so I will not be able to post in this thread. Don't want to get married, and now that he has turned down all my ideas I won't.
I'm pleased that the whole compromise thing is been resolved here.

Perhaps the "schoolgirl" part was OK, but the pedobear was over the top. What was his suggestion?

(Note that any interest groom has in actually planning part of the wedding is pretty foreign...)
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Old 01-29-09, 10:53 PM   #5
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my boyfriend did not think the idea of getting married in a pedobear costume with me in a schoolgirl outfit was funny, so I will not be able to post in this thread. Don't want to get married, and now that he has turned down all my ideas I won't.
Clearly, he needs to dress as the schoolgirl, and you need to don the pedobear.
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Old 01-29-09, 10:55 PM   #6
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Clearly, he needs to dress as the schoolgirl, and you need to don the pedobear.
Thinking outside of the box...
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Old 01-29-09, 10:59 PM   #7
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In May, I'll be married 25 years. I can't answer either question definitively. I wake up and I start over.

What's your secret? How do you keep it together? What mine-fields have you successfully navigated?
Congratulations on such a successful marriage! I think the part you mentioned about starting over is the important part a lot of people forget or don't even know about. Each and every single day you wake up, you have to re-dedicate yourself to your goals and commitments.

In a way, it's like having a clean car or a clean kitchen sink. There's no "one" ceremony or "event" that you can do just once that'll guarantee you'll have a clean car or sink "forever". You have to set up a structure, a schedule or a plan regularly clean your car and wash your dishes. THAT is the only way to have a clean car or sink on-goingly. So... same with a marriage, you have to re-commit yourself to your partner and your marriage each and every single day.

As for what works for us? Lots fighting!!! A lot of folks try to be too "nice" and not rock the boat. They end up building up a lot of pent-up resentment and anger that ends up destroying them and the other person. And we discuss what the fight was about and how we can resolve the issues we were fighting about. The next time that same problem comes up, it's handled easily, quickly with no drama.
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Old 01-29-09, 11:03 PM   #8
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Elvis. I convinced him it was much more common than he thought because I hated the idea (and we both want it to be crazy and unique).

Then I suggested star wars

Then he countered with star trek. Trekkies are in general socially inept and smelly, so I refuse to let anyone think I am one.

Then I suggested getting married at a MotoGP race. No objections, except that someone else might go and do it first now that there's the new race at Indy, and it has to be done at a specific time (we'll probably just do it whenever one of us needs health insurance, or I'm about to publish some articles so I can have his unique last name on all of them, there are lots of people with my current first, middle AND last name so it'll be annoying since most are younger than me).

Then I suggested pedobear and schoolgirl. He didn't take me seriously, and has not offered a better idea.
Suggest a Betazoid wedding...
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Old 01-29-09, 11:05 PM   #9
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A lot of folks try to be too "nice" and not rock the boat.
BTW, that works for 20 years. YMMV.
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Old 01-29-09, 11:13 PM   #10
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I am the older one.
That makes it even better, see?
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Old 01-29-09, 11:17 PM   #11
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I'm with the "him as a school girl bit", but the pedobear doesn't do it for me.

Unless...

The pedobear would have a weapon called "the fudge covered butt-dart"...


Hmm...
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