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Old 02-02-09, 05:16 PM   #1
kpug505
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The shiznit has teh fan in my family

First of all I wasn't exactly sure where to post this but I decided this was the best place. It's more of a rant on my part so bare with me if you will.....

I had a call today from my somewhat estranged father who lives in California. He was frantic and built up the hysteria 'til he finally broke down nearly in tears and asked me for money. I know it was painful for him.
So I ask.....What happened? He tells me his car broke down on his way to work (which he just started last week). He has a 99 Monte Carlo with 43,000 miles on it and now it's got a blown head gasket and the tranny chewed itself up. $2500 he tells me.....
He was in real estate but the market dropped out and being commission with no funds coming in he than ran up huge amounts of credit card debt to live off of and present the homes he was trying to sell plus a second mortgage to cover the cards..... He hasn't sold a house in 1.5 years.
Meanwhile his new house dropped in value so he is making payments on a house that's not worth as much as he owes. He went to school for a bit and got certified to do commercial real estate loans which again pays commission. He says he has deals on the books but his track record says otherwise.

I work for a non-profit organization and therefore make virtually no profit from my work other than feeling good at the end of the day and being able to keep food on the table, pay my bills and have a bit left over for my bike obsession. I don't have much in savings but I do put the max in my matched 403(b) at work so I am working towards retirement in another 40 years or so.....
I'm also a car free individual and I seriously despise the situation he has gotten himself into. He drives 75 miles a day round trip to work. He lives in a gated community and the nearest bus stop is an hours walk away. Same with the store....I purposely hunted for a long while 'til I found a house within blocks of work and a short jaunt down the MUP to my nearest store....I've never lived more than 15 miles from work which has saved my ass many a time.

In short I'm pissed. I'm youngish and just getting started in life as a responsible contributing member of society. I have no debt, kids, and good health. It pains me to think of what is ahead. His savings and retirement are gone. He is in poor health. One very large part of me wants to tell him to piss off because of a whole spectrum of things he has caused to happen to me over the years. However, he is my father so I have to do what I can to make this work. It's just that what he has gotten himself into makes my blood boil on so many different levels....

Anyone believe in synchronicity? It strikes me that yesterday I decided I would sell off a portion of my collection for no apparent reason. It just so happens my W-2 showed up today 10 minutes after my call from my pops. I just got paid 2 days ago too. I think I may be able to bail him out....I really wanted a custom made for me lugged steel frame though! Damn!

The unselfish higher ground sucks.....

I think a lot of people are going to see situations like this. It will be interesting to see how people react. Will we have large roaming mobs of homeless retirees? Will people step up and take care of their extended families, friends and neighbors? I sure hope so....Either way. The floor is dropping from beneath our feet. It's gonna be a wild ride!
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Old 02-02-09, 05:21 PM   #2
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sorry you're going through this... in my case when there was no money, i was sent to an orphanage (at the age of 9)

trying to maintain a house with upside-down payments is ludicrous - tell him to foreclose

if someone is one car repair away from financial disaster that should tell you something?

you could always take him in temporarily?

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Old 02-02-09, 05:21 PM   #3
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Tough call...but he is your dad. You've already got bikes that will work for you. I'd lend it to him but possibly give him a stern lecture to find work that is closer and/or sell his house and move to somewhere smaller that he can afford better.
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Old 02-02-09, 05:24 PM   #4
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He lives 2 states away......Lending him a bike is out of the question. He's banking on the housing market swinging up so he can sell his house and get out from under it but that's not a bet I'd be willing to make....In his area anyways.
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Old 02-02-09, 05:25 PM   #5
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Take this for what it's worth: random advice from an internet forum.

If it were me...I'd help him. Blood is thicker than water and all that, and we're talking about the man that at least in part raised you from the beginning of your life. I'd also be talking to him about the wise choices you've made for your own life and about what he can do to get himself out of the situation he's in.

re: the money...make it a gift, not a loan. No need to complicate things and tie yourself to someone you don't wish to be tied to, but it can also be let known that it is all you can afford to do and that there won't be any more.

I hope your Dad gets back on his feet.
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Old 02-02-09, 05:31 PM   #6
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re: the money...make it a gift, not a loan.
when it's family it's *always* a gift and never a loan

good advice from other fooster posters here so far!
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Old 02-02-09, 05:34 PM   #7
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when it's family it's *always* a gift and never a loan

good advice from other fooster posters here so far!
True....I misspoke, make it a gift, not a loan.

Possibly tell him to get a closer job and you'll give him a bike.
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Old 02-02-09, 05:43 PM   #8
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Take this for what it's worth: random advice from an internet forum.

If it were me...I'd help him. Blood is thicker than water and all that, and we're talking about the man that at least in part raised you from the beginning of your life. I'd also be talking to him about the wise choices you've made for your own life and about what he can do to get himself out of the situation he's in.

re: the money...make it a gift, not a loan. No need to complicate things and tie yourself to someone you don't wish to be tied to, but it can also be let known that it is all you can afford to do and that there won't be any more.

I hope your Dad gets back on his feet.
Yes, a gift. Tell him that when he can afford to do so, to pay it forward.

You are fortunate to be in a position to help him, and you are a good man for doing it.

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Old 02-02-09, 05:43 PM   #9
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With only 43 thousand on the car, the engine may be under warranty. Have him check.

Other than that, I'm sorry to hear about you and your dad's position. It sucks. Stay as upbeat as you can, things will change.
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Old 02-02-09, 05:50 PM   #10
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kpug, I would like to commend you for having your life in such good shape at your age.
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Old 02-02-09, 06:01 PM   #11
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Thanks all for the helpful advise and kind words......I'll def tell him anything I give him will be a gift.

I just did some checking online and called his local bus company and it's looking grim. Public transportation sucks in so many parts of this country.....To think he can't make a quick trip to the next city over without walking miles and having a kazillion transfers....It's just plain stupidity. He lives right smack dab in the middle of urban sprawl! I guess people in gated communities don't need buses and trains.....

The bit of insight from Linux Author hit the predicament on the head......Paying on an upside down mortgage and a car repair away from living on the streets....It's a tough situation. And stupid!
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Old 02-02-09, 06:07 PM   #12
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He lives 2 states away......Lending him a bike is out of the question. He's banking on the housing market swinging up so he can sell his house and get out from under it but that's not a bet I'd be willing to make....In his area anyways.
That won't be happening for a long time.
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Old 02-02-09, 06:08 PM   #13
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That won't be happening for a long time.
Agreed....
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Old 02-02-09, 06:26 PM   #14
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Good on you on taking care of dad. Perhaps when things calm down a bit the two of you can sit down and figure out a plan that would help his situation. Although a victim of circumstance, he's done good if he has a son like you.
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Old 02-02-09, 06:36 PM   #15
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I am of two minds (yes that is normal for me) If YOU want to make a gift, do so. But be prepared for more requests. I have one brother that cannot hold a job. He has multiple college degrees and is always coming home to roost and bum. I let him stay at my place ONCE, and made it clear that it was a one time deal. Sorry your dad isn't capable of making sound financial decisions, but is it really your place to bail him out?

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Old 02-02-09, 06:37 PM   #16
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Like the others, I think you should help him out. However, I definitely wouldn't just send checks. The way you describe things, he needs to make some serious lifestyle and attitude adjustments or else he's just going to have the same problems again. I think you should give him the help he needs. Part of that help includes conditions that will get him pointed in the right direction. I hope for the best for the two of you.

p.s. how the heck do you get a blown head gasket and a trashed tranny at 43K miles? I could see one of those things happening out of bad luck, but both?
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Old 02-02-09, 06:43 PM   #17
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p.s. how the heck do you get a blown head gasket and a trashed tranny at 43K miles? I could see one of those things happening out of bad luck, but both?
My first thought as well. Both result in an undriveable car so there is really no way to blow a head gasket if the car is sitting from a blown tranny and it is pretty hard to blow a tranny if the car is sitting from a blown head gasket.
With that said.....He is your dad. I am sure he had some part in making you who you are today. Be a good son and help pops out ONCE.
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Old 02-02-09, 06:47 PM   #18
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Unless the engine was a rebuild. The tranny would have more miles on it.
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Old 02-02-09, 06:51 PM   #19
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Public transportation sucks in so many parts of this country.
That's an understatement.
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Old 02-02-09, 06:58 PM   #20
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Concerning the car.....Yes it has 43,000 original miles he bought it new for his wife in '99. It has seen minimal use and basically sat in the garage. He had a '02 Ford F-150 that was nice with leather and back doors he used for transporting potential customers in for work but when the work dried up he sold it.
That being said.....The auto problems sound a bit fishy to me too.....The dealership told him he had oil in the coolant and a somethin' or rather in the tranny was causing havoc. He took it in 'cause of a high pitched noise and crappy shifts. If I were him in that situation I'd probably try to fix it, sell it and buy a $2000 used Camry.
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Old 02-02-09, 07:02 PM   #21
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True, but mileage goes by the frame and who would drop a high mileage engine/tranny in a low mileage frame unless the first engine went kaput, or a previous owner bought it as a parts car to switch out their junk engine and tranny with a good low mileage one from the car the dad now has. Not too likely, but possible I guess.

Even little ninja 250 engines that have to rev really high all the time make it to 60 to 80k with proper care. But here I am comparing apples (domestic) to oranges (import). Guess I'm turning into a snob, only bought my car because it has the police package and the engines have been thrashed thoroughly all around the US for decades and have a fairly decent reliability record.
I only said that because around here, people will sell their car saying it's low mileage but then as a buyer you have to ask "original or rebuild?".

Well I guess for this case it doesn't matter. Seems like it was the original engine that sat. Possible that seals dried up, and loss of oils could have been an issue.
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Old 02-02-09, 07:04 PM   #22
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Ha ha!! Two women discussing cars and motorcycles.

*nods head*

Yeah we badass.
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Old 02-02-09, 07:05 PM   #23
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Ha ha!! Two women discussing cars and motorcycles.

*nods head*

Yeah we badass.
That's hot. :tongue:
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Old 02-02-09, 07:21 PM   #24
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Even little ninja 250 engines that have to rev really high all the time
Ah, you mean the ones that go on the freeway.

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Old 02-02-09, 09:11 PM   #25
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Well I just sold my first rig towards my dads bailout......



This sucks!
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