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Old 02-05-09, 07:20 AM   #1
RubenX 
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Crapping his pants

I've been procrastinating this thread for a long time, hoping this issue goes away. But the 8yo boy over here keeps crapping his pants. We have tried every usual punishment (no tv, no games, etc) in periods of days to weeks. He starts using the toilet for a while and then crap his pants again.

He receives lots of attention. He didn't had this problem before, is been a few months of crap (pun intended). Usually, he's just in the couch watching TV. We remind him to go to the bathroom if he needs to and he says "I don't need right now" but some time later the living room starts smelling like crap, we check and yup, he crap his pants again. His excuse? "I was watching TV and I forgot to go to the toilet". WTF?

Lately he's been perma-punished because when a punishment is lifted, he manages to crap his pants that same day and gets a new punishment. He's transforming into a very sad little boy. Somehow he keeps saying is not his fault. I have to restrain myself so bad not to spank his sorry arse.

We have tried everything, even make him wear diapers around the house. Nothing seems to work. At this point I'm thinking about getting help. I don't know what should be appropriate here tho, a doc (pediatrician) or a therapist?

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Old 02-05-09, 07:25 AM   #2
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I would strongly suggest finding a behavioural therapist that specializes in play therapy, and be ready to take a long look at yourself and your wife as well.

I have anger management problems when I get frustrated. In work, social situations, it is not a problem as I can remove myself from the problem. At home, it is a problem for me, as leaving, not being involved is not an option. I have had to learn to control my anger, be a strong oak that can weather the storms by bending slowly and gently. I am still a sapling here, but I am growing

Anyway, my anger was causing our 6 year old to have anger issues, behavioural problems etc. We both needed and got help. I pray that you do the same. After a year, we got to the point where the therapist said we really did not need to come see her anymore.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-05-09, 08:07 AM   #3
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start with your pediatrician. let them recomend who to see.
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Old 02-05-09, 08:14 AM   #4
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start with your pediatrician. Let them recomend who to see.
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Old 02-05-09, 08:15 AM   #5
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^^^ those 2 give you good advice. I can add nothing more other than wish you luck.
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Old 02-05-09, 08:21 AM   #6
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Great, that shall be done. Wifey is scheduling an appointment with the pediatrician as we speak. THX for helping me with this crap (literary).
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Old 02-05-09, 08:28 AM   #7
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Question for you Ruben. Does this happen at school also?
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Old 02-05-09, 08:36 AM   #8
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I should have added that we did discusss this with our family practioner and others before choosing a behavioural therapist.

Best of luck in finding a solution that works for you and your family Ruben.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-05-09, 08:41 AM   #9
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Question for you Ruben. Does this happen at school also?
We have not received a note from the teacher about it, ergo we have assumed it doesn't happens at school. But honestly, we don't know. We haven't ask before because we didn't wanted to embarrass the boy. Maybe we should ask.
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Old 02-05-09, 08:50 AM   #10
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Maybe you could try some positive reinforcement?

Praise him when he stays in control of the situation..offer a reward. Give him a lot of love and positive attention. The negative stuff ain't working.
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Old 02-05-09, 09:16 AM   #11
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If it turns out not to be physical, the best thing to do might be just to let him deal with the consequences. Require that he cleans his clothes if he craps his pants. Treat him like anyone would treat someone who crapped his pants-- get away from the stench. Let him deal with the fact that no one will go near him if he smells like crap.

Punishments and behavioral stuff are all well and good, but ultimately his reason for remembering to use the toilet has to be the same as everyone else's: crapping your pants is inconvenient and disgusting, and no one wants to be around you once you've done it. A punishment is only useful for dealing with long-term behavior if you're willing to continue punishing indefinitely. If you want him to be able to not crap his pants without the constant threat of punishment, he's going to have to learn it himself.
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Old 02-05-09, 09:22 AM   #12
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Ms. MillCreek is an elementary school teacher with many years of experience. She tells me that if your son had this problem at school, the school would be telling you about it. I also second the advice about talking to your child's physician ASAP.
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Old 02-05-09, 09:31 AM   #13
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I have cleaned up this thread some. The last thing Ruben and his son need at this time is incorrect, insensitive advice. Let's keep our posts, helpful, germane and polite.

Spankings apparently have not worked, and Ruben is seeking advice.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-05-09, 09:52 AM   #14
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Old 02-05-09, 10:10 AM   #15
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Ruben have you had the chance to sit with him to discuss the importance of taking time out of TV time to go take care of his personal needs? I know it was a tv show but sometimes kids get so distracted.......especially with how the video games are set up nowadays, where you are playing with other people in other places. He might be trying to "hold it" and with no success.

And I also agree with alpacalypse that he may benefit him to clean up his own mistakes.
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Old 02-05-09, 10:22 AM   #16
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Yes Siu, I sat down with the boy many times with some success, but one or two weeks later we have the problem again. Every time he says he "got distracted" and "didn't noticed". Last night we had another episode, we send him to take a bath and to clean his underwear, then straight to bed with no TV or games. He woke up in the morning, with the sad puppy face, I sat down with him and talk a little more. I told him he love him but the punishment stands because he needs to learn to use the toilet like everybody else. And he said: "I wish there was a technology for some self-poop-cleaning-underwear". I replied that we already have a technology and is called "the toilet" and he needs to use it.

I feel so bad for the boy... but I can't let it slide.
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Old 02-05-09, 10:27 AM   #17
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Agreed, you cannot let it slide. Your family needs for you to be strong and unwavering. Children need consistency in order to learn. Consult with your family practitioner and get their advice.

Always deal with your children with love and compassion. If punishment is needed, esp. corporal punishment, take the time to make sure you are doing it when calm, after the anger is gone.

And BE consistent. Let the child know, in advance, what your expectations are and what the consequences of not meeting them are. Then follow through with what you said. Nothing more, nothing less, all the time.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 02-05-09, 10:28 AM   #18
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Ruben have you had the chance to sit with him to discuss the importance of taking time out of TV time to go take care of his personal needs? I know it was a tv show but sometimes kids get so distracted.......especially with how the video games are set up nowadays, where you are playing with other people in other places. He might be trying to "hold it" and with no success.
Hmm that's a great thought!

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that gave me an idea. when i was a kid, I'd get a small stack of coins from my parents. If there was something I wasn't supposed to do (like leave my toys lying around) my parents would take away 1 coin for each thing I did and wasn't supposed to. If I was good, I got to keep all the change. It helped me learn the value of money, and it was both positive and negative reinforcement.
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Old 02-05-09, 11:00 AM   #19
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Ruben have you had the chance to sit with him to discuss the importance of taking time out of TV time to go take care of his personal needs? I know it was a tv show but sometimes kids get so distracted.......especially with how the video games are set up nowadays, where you are playing with other people in other places. He might be trying to "hold it" and with no success.
This might or might not be the problem Ruben's son is experiencing, but I know My nephew who is typically infatuated with all things video game related was reportedly having mini wettings because he'd be so engrossed in the games he'd "forget" he had to go. I'm wondering if the plethora of time-occupying devices kids have these days will lead to more of this sort of thing.

In any case, Ruben I hope your doctor can help point you in the right direction so you may get this resolved soon. It sounds like you are a sensitive caring parent, so that's a very good start.
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Old 02-05-09, 11:15 AM   #20
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I knew a cousin of a friend that had a similar problem and he was a teenager. I second the vote on a behavioral specialist.
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Old 02-05-09, 11:17 AM   #21
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How about forgoing the tv and video games and having some good old fashioned family fun? Board games and story telling time (where you can sit in a circle and each take turns adding to the story) seem to be good imagination and family bonding time. Even your daughter can get in on it and add some silly stuff to the story!

One thing we used to do during the evenings (usually during dinner) is we'd go around and tell the rest of the family what our high point and low point of the day was. Then we'd celebrate the good point and then help someone with their bad point - suggesting good ways to overcome it. I know your daughter is kind of young to come up with solutions to add but at least you can ask her what the fun part of her day was and the yucky part of her day. It helps to build family relationships and support system. A positive fun family thing. And it gets them away from the tv...
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Old 02-05-09, 11:22 AM   #22
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MD first...it could be a medical issue like crohn's or allergies.
If that pans out, then you can help him medically.
If it turns out not to be a medical issue, get a referral to a therapist for help.
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Old 02-05-09, 11:24 AM   #23
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I actually had a problem like this when I was 8-10 years old, as well as bed wetting. With crapping my pants it always seemed like I was in a situation that I couldn't escape, such as on a bus or in a classroom where I was too embarrassed to ask to leave. I'd try very hard to hold it in but a little would always squeeze out eventually. With bed wetting it was usually in a dream, but it got to the point where I realized I was dreaming, I realized I was peeing in my bed, and I just was too lazy/tired to care.

That was 15+ years ago, I had forgotten until now. My parents never did anything specifically to address it, I just eventually outgrew it.
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Old 02-05-09, 11:25 AM   #24
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I knew a cousin of a friend that had a similar problem and he was a teenager. I second the vote on a behavioral specialist.
Is this "cousin of a friend" named Air too?

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Old 02-05-09, 11:26 AM   #25
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^^^ those 2 give you good advice. I can add nothing more other than wish you luck.
^^^Yup^^^
add Denny Kolls advise and you guys should be right as rain in no time
Good luck
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