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Old 03-02-09, 10:03 PM   #1
Tinuz
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Venting....

Well, venting....because venting helps...or at least it temporarily relieves the problem.

A little history first....I have recently come a long way in my life. I was always shy, dependent on my parents, not outgoing, etc. Didn't really go anywhere in life. At some point, I decided that this phase was over, and that change needed to come about. Well, insane amounts of therapy later, after alienating some family members and getting kicked out of the house, I feel my life is finally going the way it should. That means, opportunities are opening up, I feel self confident, I move about socially with ease, the whole lot.

Now, I managed to obtain a very good PhD, I am financially secure and self dependent (save a good sized study loan, but okay). I can manage what life throws at me(or so it seems) and I am moving towards my longterm goals (for now, get a PhD).

So, you ask, what the hell is wrong? Well, I worry....I worry my ass off. First, I worried about my future carreer...now that I have a PhD position, I worry about finances, if I don't worry about that, I worry about my love life and what not.... Furthermore, although I have shown tob be able to cope with life, I don't feel that way. I feel like whatever comes my way is all luck. Even things like my PhD which are evidently not something you get through luck(I was accepted within 6 days of application, without interview, and they got me a really good scholarship because they were 'convinced they needed to hire me').

While it is not serious enough to disrupt my life, it takes away my energy and, more importantly, my inner peace. I have been meditating about it, taken therapy for it, thought about it, talked about it....and nothing seems to help.

Well, as said venting....feel free to share your misery with random people on the internet or tell others how it's all not that bad (or maybe it is).
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Old 03-02-09, 10:25 PM   #2
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As a fellow "worry-er," I think that over-worrying can be a good thing so long as you don't let it take control of your life.

While I'm not as far in life as you are, I would like to think that I'm somewhat successful. I go to two great universities (well, one right now, but only because of scheduling) and am doing (relatively) well, have held impressive internship positions (since most of the employers I've shown my resume to have been pretty impressed), have a nice consulting job on the side with some powerful connections, and manage to have a close circle of friends and a (now-great) love life.

But I still worry. What if I can't get a good job after I graduate? What if I can't find a good job and bounce from place to place? What if my girlfriend and I aren't meant to be? What iff...what if...what if...

On top of being a bit worrisome, there has been this one stupid ideology that I would really love to stop thinking, but I can't make a direct reference to it without being flamed or getting labeled as a racist for thinking it. Some of my past posts make hints to it, though.

A large part of being confident is knowing that you'll get through. I worry, but I know that I'll be alright someway or another. If anything, it helps keep my head on the ground and set realistic goals for myself instead of putting my mind in an unpredictable future ahead. Those things can't bring you down; think of them as checkpoints to keep your head aligned.

I wouldn't be surprised if lots of successful people also had completely unrealistic worries to deal with.
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Old 03-02-09, 10:31 PM   #3
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Old 03-02-09, 10:42 PM   #4
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I've found the more you educate yourself, the more you think. The more you think, the more you worry, because you are able to think abstractly and look at "what if" in an analytical manner, weighing risk vs. cost, which reinforces the worrying. In short, you're perfectly normal.
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Old 03-02-09, 10:59 PM   #5
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The best thing you can do for your love life is to become happy with yourself first. Failing that, you can always pick up undergrads fairly easily so it's definitely not something to let plague you.
Or take it a step further and date high school chicks ala Clerks 2

They like guys with money, so I hear.
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Old 03-02-09, 11:10 PM   #6
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You know, there's just something about certain academic types...we just worry too much because with our training we have been taught that nothing is 100%--there's always some margin of error. I know, because I'm like that too. I drive teh bf nuts sometimes with my worrying and constant asking of "what if....?" It's weird because many people say perceive me as a confident, knowledgeable young woman who knows what she wants and how to get it, but I still worry. A lot. CONSTANTLY.

Crassic is right: you should not let it control your life. Accept that some worrying is normal. I can't say very much on how to deal with the excess worrying, as I'm still figuring out how to best do so myself. But what seems to help for me is, oddly enough, a dose of ego-stroking, whether from others or from myself. (Yes, I am slightly narcissistic, which is probably why I love Dr. Isis so much.) By bringing attention to what I can do, I take away some of the worrying because I find that I have the skills to get over what I was worrying about. Or something like that.

Good luck with dealing with your worrying! I think you're definitely taking a step in the right direction with the therapy, meditation, etc.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 03-02-09, 11:22 PM   #7
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Thinking = Good.

Overthinking = Bad.

There's not much more to it. Buy some beer.
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Old 03-02-09, 11:27 PM   #8
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*raises hand* Another excessive worrier checking in. I have no advice on the subject, but you're not alone.
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Old 03-02-09, 11:28 PM   #9
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Thinking = Good.

Overthinking = Bad.
It's a slippery slope, no doubt for some more than others. It's not like you can just say "Okay, that's enough." and wipe your mind clear.
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Old 03-02-09, 11:31 PM   #10
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It's a slippery slope, no doubt for some more than others. It's not like you can just say "Okay, that's enough." and wipe your mind clear.
Durr...that's what the beer's for.
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Old 03-02-09, 11:42 PM   #11
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Durr...that's what the beer's for.
Helpful, but a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
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Old 03-03-09, 12:08 AM   #12
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Just make sure that you drink Guinness, okay?
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Old 03-03-09, 12:10 AM   #13
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I worry too much as well. My greatest worry is to reach the golden age still being broke. Gotta save money...
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Old 03-03-09, 12:16 AM   #14
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Hi, I'm Dannihilator and I used to be a worrier.

During the day time I was perfectly fine but I used to really worry about things come time to sleep. What helped me was reading something or listened to something that took my mind off of what I was worrying about and 5 minutes later, I was fast asleep. I've also come to grips to just accept what happens and realize it will all sort itself out one way or another.
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