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Old 03-03-09, 09:02 AM   #1
pgoat
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Politically McIncorrect

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
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Old 03-03-09, 09:03 AM   #2
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
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Old 03-03-09, 09:03 AM   #3
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Paddy was in New York .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
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Old 03-03-09, 09:04 AM   #4
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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
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Old 03-03-09, 09:04 AM   #5
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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

'Just water,' says the priest.

The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
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Old 03-03-09, 10:21 AM   #6
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- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 03-03-09, 10:43 AM   #7
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these are awesome
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.... Other than being completely wrong, you're correct.
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Old 03-03-09, 10:46 AM   #8
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Q: What's green, and only comes out on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Patio furniture!
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Old 03-03-09, 10:58 AM   #9
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An Irish man and a minister were sitting beside each other on an airline flight when the attendant approached and asked if they would like anything.

The Irish man asked for a whisky.

The attendant asked the minister if he would also like one.

The minister replied that he would would rather be ravaged by bunch of w hores than to ever let alcohol touch his lips.

The Irish man got the attention of the attendant and handed the whisky back.

"Something wrong sir" the attendant replied.

"I didn't know I had a choice"
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