Cycling and bicycle discussion forums. 
   Click here to join our community Log in to access your Control Panel  


Go Back   > >

Foo Off-Topic chit chat with no general subject.

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-16-09, 10:32 AM   #1
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
Thread Starter
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE
Posts: 3,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Anger Management

An oldie, but a goodie....
------------------------------------

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone,

don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you
don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Mark.

Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f*** ing
number! and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an ******* !'
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an *******!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic *******
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the
telephone company.

I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an
*******!' and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but The idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign
in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had
his number on speed dial),

I thought that I'd better, call the BMW *******, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is..'

I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow
rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're an *******!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when
I had a problem, I had two *******s to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called ******* #1.

He said, 'Hello.'

I said, 'You're an *******!'

(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah.'

He screamed, ' Stop calling me!'

I said, 'Make me.'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, '*******, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow
rambler,

I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.

And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******,' and hung up.

Then I called ******* No. 2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, ******* .'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'

I answered, 'Well, *******, here's your chance.

I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way
over to kill me.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree
Blvd. In Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there
just in time to watch two *******s beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded
by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better

Anger management really works!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 12:25 PM   #2
pgoat
BatŁwŁ Griekgriek
 
pgoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NYC - for the moment...
Bikes: 1985 Trek 500, 1986 Trek 500 Tri Series, 2002 Orbea Team Euskaltel, 2005 Cannondale R1000
Posts: 2,900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
omg


thank you

thank you

thank you


__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.
pgoat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 12:43 PM   #3
ILUVUK
en fuego
 
ILUVUK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Davenport, IA
Bikes: Trek Madone 3.1
Posts: 2,685
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
awesome!
ILUVUK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 12:44 PM   #4
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
Thread Starter
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE
Posts: 3,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
omg


thank you

thank you

thank you


Did you just get nefarious ideas to pull?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 12:47 PM   #5
pgoat
BatŁwŁ Griekgriek
 
pgoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NYC - for the moment...
Bikes: 1985 Trek 500, 1986 Trek 500 Tri Series, 2002 Orbea Team Euskaltel, 2005 Cannondale R1000
Posts: 2,900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
Did you just get nefarious ideas to pull?
let's just say it's nice to see your fantasies fulfilled.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.
pgoat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:19 PM   #6
AEO
Senior Member
 
AEO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: A Coffin Called Earth. or Toronto, ON
Bikes: Bianchi, Miyata, Dahon, Rossin
Posts: 12,258
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
makes me want to do the same to these machine sales callers calling from american numbers.
__________________
Food for thought: if you aren't dead by 2050, you and your entire family will be within a few years from starvation. Now that is a cruel gift to leave for your offspring. ;)
http://sanfrancisco.ibtimes.com/arti...ger-photos.htm
AEO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:23 PM   #7
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
for a few pennies a month, you can block your number from caller id
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:24 PM   #8
pgoat
BatŁwŁ Griekgriek
 
pgoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NYC - for the moment...
Bikes: 1985 Trek 500, 1986 Trek 500 Tri Series, 2002 Orbea Team Euskaltel, 2005 Cannondale R1000
Posts: 2,900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
can't they still *69 you, tho?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.
pgoat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:25 PM   #9
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
Thread Starter
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE
Posts: 3,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
can't they still *69 you, tho?
Only in MV's dreams! He dreams about *69s all the time.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:25 PM   #10
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
can't they still *69 you, tho?
who cares...if you use a prepaid, its untraceable.
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:27 PM   #11
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
Thread Starter
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE
Posts: 3,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
who cares...if you use a prepaid, its untraceable.
Are you saying you prepaid for a 69?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:29 PM   #12
ModoVincere
Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour
 
ModoVincere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 1,675
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
Are you saying you prepaid for a 69?
I'll leave that up to your imagination......but I'm sure you can guess.
__________________
1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold
ModoVincere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:29 PM   #13
coasting 
Still can't climb
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Limey in Taiwan
Bikes:
Posts: 22,645
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
this is the first time i have read a long OP and not regretted it.
coasting is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:31 PM   #14
KingTermite 
On my TARDIScycle!
Thread Starter
 
KingTermite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Eastside Seattlite Termite Mound
Bikes: Trek 520, Trek Navigator 300, Peugeot Versailles PE10DE
Posts: 3,924
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
I'll leave that up to your imagination......but I'm sure you can guess.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
KingTermite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 03:43 PM   #15
MrCrassic 
Senior Member
 
MrCrassic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Bikes: 2008 Giant OCR1 (with panda bear on the back!)
Posts: 3,650
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Who is the genius comedian that did/fathomed that? Freakin' amazing.
__________________
Ride more.

Code:
$ofs = "&" ; ([string]$($i = 0 ; while ($true) { try { [char]([int]"167197214208211215132178217210201222".substring($i,3) - 100) ; $i =
 $i+3 > catch { break >>)).replace('&','') ; $ofs=" " # Replace right angles with right curly braces
MrCrassic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-09, 07:11 PM   #16
FlyingAnchor
Senior Member
 
FlyingAnchor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Humboldt County Ca
Bikes: All Recumbent, Strada and TT Tour
Posts: 301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Flying Anchor steps up and takes a bow. Then after it is found out that he wasn't even an actor he gets thrown off the stage.

I was giggling throughout the telling and my son told me he didn't even want to know.
FlyingAnchor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-09, 04:18 AM   #17
mlts22 
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Bikes:
Posts: 998
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Two words: Rock on.
mlts22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-09, 05:35 AM   #18
pgoat
BatŁwŁ Griekgriek
 
pgoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NYC - for the moment...
Bikes: 1985 Trek 500, 1986 Trek 500 Tri Series, 2002 Orbea Team Euskaltel, 2005 Cannondale R1000
Posts: 2,900
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
STR (Shadiyah's Thread Rule): sex for this one.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.
pgoat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-09, 10:41 AM   #19
banerjek
Portland Fred
 
banerjek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Bikes: Custom Winter, Challenge Seiran SL, Fuji Team Pro, Cattrike Road/Velokit, РOS hybrid
Posts: 11,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 28 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
for a few pennies a month, you can block your number from caller id
Friends, family, and legitimate businesses don't care if I have their number (and probably want me to have it). I'm not interested in talking to anyone else, so if someone doesn't feel comfortable letting me know their number, I don't want them calling mine.

Obviously, I take blocked calls at work. But that's a very different dynamic than trying to reach me on personal time.
banerjek is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:02 AM.