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  1. #1
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Anger Management

    An oldie, but a goodie....
    ------------------------------------

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
    take it out on someone,

    don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you
    don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten
    to make.

    I found the number and dialed it.

    A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

    I politely said, 'This is Mark.

    Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f*** ing
    number! and the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
    had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an ******* !'
    and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to
    it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
    paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
    'You're an *******!'

    It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic *******
    calling would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the
    telephone company.

    I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

    He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

    I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an
    *******!' and hung up.

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
    Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
    patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
    for that spot, but The idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign
    in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had
    his number on speed dial),

    I thought that I'd better, call the BMW *******, too.

    I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

    He said, 'Yes, it is..'

    I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

    He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow
    rambler, and the car's parked right out in front.'

    I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

    I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

    He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

    I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

    He said, 'Yes?'

    I said, 'Don, you're an *******!'

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when
    I had a problem, I had two *******s to call.

    Then I came up with an idea.

    I called ******* #1.

    He said, 'Hello.'

    I said, 'You're an *******!'

    (But I didn't hang up.)

    He asked, 'Are you still there?'

    I said, 'Yeah.'

    He screamed, ' Stop calling me!'

    I said, 'Make me.'

    He asked, 'Who are you?'

    I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

    He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

    I said, '*******, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax, a yellow
    rambler,

    I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

    He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.

    And you had better start saying your prayers.'

    I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******,' and hung up.

    Then I called ******* No. 2.

    He said, 'Hello?'

    I said, 'Hello, ******* .'

    He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

    I said, 'You'll what?'

    He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'

    I answered, 'Well, *******, here's your chance.

    I'm coming over right now.'

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
    at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that my gay lover was on his way
    over to kill me.

    Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree
    Blvd. In Fairfax .

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there
    just in time to watch two *******s beating the crap out of each other
    in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded
    by a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better

    Anger management really works!
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  2. #2
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    omg


    thank you

    thank you

    thank you


    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  3. #3
    en fuego ILUVUK's Avatar
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    awesome!

  4. #4
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
    omg


    thank you

    thank you

    thank you


    Did you just get nefarious ideas to pull?
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  5. #5
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    Did you just get nefarious ideas to pull?
    let's just say it's nice to see your fantasies fulfilled.
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  6. #6
    AEO
    AEO is offline
    Senior Member AEO's Avatar
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    makes me want to do the same to these machine sales callers calling from american numbers.
    Food for thought: if you aren't dead by 2050, you and your entire family will be within a few years from starvation. Now that is a cruel gift to leave for your offspring. ;)
    http://sanfrancisco.ibtimes.com/arti...ger-photos.htm

  7. #7
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    for a few pennies a month, you can block your number from caller id

  8. #8
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    can't they still *69 you, tho?
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  9. #9
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
    can't they still *69 you, tho?
    Only in MV's dreams! He dreams about *69s all the time.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  10. #10
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
    can't they still *69 you, tho?
    who cares...if you use a prepaid, its untraceable.

  11. #11
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    who cares...if you use a prepaid, its untraceable.
    Are you saying you prepaid for a 69?
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  12. #12
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    Are you saying you prepaid for a 69?
    I'll leave that up to your imagination......but I'm sure you can guess.

  13. #13
    Still can't climb
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    this is the first time i have read a long OP and not regretted it.

  14. #14
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    I'll leave that up to your imagination......but I'm sure you can guess.
    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  15. #15
    Senior Member MrCrassic's Avatar
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    Who is the genius comedian that did/fathomed that? Freakin' amazing.
    Ride more.

    Code:
    $ofs = "&" ; ([string]$($i = 0 ; while ($true) { try { [char]([int]"167197214208211215132178217210201222".substring($i,3) - 100) ; $i =
     $i+3 > catch { break >>)).replace('&','') ; $ofs=" " # Replace right angles with right curly braces

  16. #16
    Senior Member FlyingAnchor's Avatar
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    Flying Anchor steps up and takes a bow. Then after it is found out that he wasn't even an actor he gets thrown off the stage.

    I was giggling throughout the telling and my son told me he didn't even want to know.
    Dragging Anchor

  17. #17
    Senior Member
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    Two words: Rock on.

  18. #18
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    STR (Shadiyah's Thread Rule): sex for this one.
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  19. #19
    Portland Fred banerjek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    for a few pennies a month, you can block your number from caller id
    Friends, family, and legitimate businesses don't care if I have their number (and probably want me to have it). I'm not interested in talking to anyone else, so if someone doesn't feel comfortable letting me know their number, I don't want them calling mine.

    Obviously, I take blocked calls at work. But that's a very different dynamic than trying to reach me on personal time.

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