Hello bike forums,
Mr. Couch asked me to tell you another tale of our wild and crazy youth. Let me take you all on a trip to November of 1993
Me, couch and our friend who doesn't play with us on the Internet were getting ready for a night out on the town. Unfortunately, Microsoft had just released Windows 3.11, so our friend stayed home. (This friend is a real dork. We assumed that he was masturbating to the new "About" screen. Later on, our assumptions were proven true.)
It was just me and couch out for a wild and crazy night. Our original plan was to steal underwear from the local laundry-mat, Three Sheets to the Wind. Little did we know that our lives would be dealt a cruel and bitter twist.
As we were heading to the laundry-mat, a tanker truck flipped off of the turnpike and burst into flames. The truck almost hit a car carrying three Catholic school girls. This is where couchie sprung into action.
He jumped over the flaming truck, ignoring the screams of the trucker (who was an orphaned nun) and the puppies trapped inside. He made his way over to the slightly dinged 1987 Ford Escort. He grabbed the door handle began rescuing the young ladies.
As the first girl stumbled out of the car, couch immediately began doing mouth to mouth. She protested the entire time, but he kept it up for three whole minutes. It must be really hard to do mouth to mouth when someone is pushing you away the entire time, but he persisted. Eventually she was saved and pushed him to the ground so he could rescue the others. I thought he was a hero for this alone.
The second girl was ugly, so there was nothing couch could do for her.
The third girl jumped out of the car and began running toward the flaming tanker truck. As she crossed the street, she stubbed her big toe. Once again, couch sprung into action. He quickly tore off the Catholic school girl's shirt, leaving her only in a lacy bra, and wrapped it around her toe to stop the bleeding. All of the surropunding men cheered him for his quick thinking.
Couchie was featured in all of the local papers. One of the headlines was, "Local Idiot 'helps' at accident." They misspelled "hero," but we did not let that hinder our celebration.
Coming soon... In the trenches with couch.