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  1. #1
    austropithicus
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    You're a biker but your spouse isn't

    You like to stay in good shape, eat right, maybe go to the gym but your spouse doesn't. This was a huge factor in my divorce. The ex started to despise me for being healthy.

    Anybody else have this problem?

  2. #2
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Biker...me
    Non biker...wife.

    No biggy, the bike is my personal time, the rest is hers. And she stays in excellent shape so I don't have to worry about that aspect.
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  3. #3
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by austropithicus View Post
    You like to stay in good shape, eat right, maybe go to the gym but your spouse doesn't. This was a huge factor in my divorce. The ex started to despise me for being healthy.

    Anybody else have this problem?
    one of the biggest factors in my split this past year. that, plus just the fact that we grew in different directions or maybe i grew and he stayed the same....
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  4. #4
    austropithicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    one of the biggest factors in my split this past year. that, plus just the fact that we grew in different directions or maybe i grew and he stayed the same....
    Was there resentment from your ex?

  5. #5
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    yes. the fact that i rode too much, was gone pretty much all of saturday mornings, time away on sundays...it wasn't always like that, but he had no interest in riding at all and then didn't want to do anything else iwth me - no hiking/camping/walking - nothing. so - i said to myself - you don't want to spend time with me, you won't go to counseling, i'll just ride more.

    it became a no-win situation....but, i'm Really, Really, Really glad things turned out the way they have now. i'm 1000x more happier now.

    oh yea...the divorce will be final next friday...5/29.
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  6. #6
    Senior Member MrCrassic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by austropithicus View Post
    You like to stay in good shape, eat right, maybe go to the gym but your spouse doesn't. This was a huge factor in my divorce. The ex started to despise me for being healthy.

    Anybody else have this problem?

    My girlfriend and I are polar opposites when it comes to food, but she makes really good food and baked goods, so I live with it rather happily. She also doesn't bike, but that's okay too, since she understands how much cycling means to me and lets me have my time.
    Last edited by MrCrassic; 05-21-09 at 10:29 AM.
    Ride more.

    Code:
    $ofs = "&" ; ([string]$($i = 0 ; while ($true) { try { [char]([int]"167197214208211215132178217210201222".substring($i,3) - 100) ; $i =
     $i+3 > catch { break >>)).replace('&','') ; $ofs=" " # Replace right angles with right curly braces

  7. #7
    austropithicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    ...and then didn't want to do anything else iwth me - no hiking/camping/walking - nothing.
    This is the same reaction I would get. Everything that I suggested we do, she would shoot down. Even non-athletic stuff like walking the dog, going to a movie or having a drink with me. She said she felt inadequate around me. It was very frustrating.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    I have the bike, the wife thinks any non motorized transport is stupid, save for horseback riding.

    She hates all forms of physical exertion. OTOH, there is one form of physical activity that she has shown great passion for. And now she's telling me that she will 'allow' me to get her a tricycle
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  9. #9
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by austropithicus View Post
    This is the same reaction I would get. Everything that I suggested we do, she would shoot down. Even non-athletic stuff like walking the dog, going to a movie or having a drink with me. She said she felt inadequate around me. It was very frustrating.
    all mine wanted to do was sit in the house and watch damn dvd's of sci-fi stuff...even on a beautiful saturday morning - i'd come home from riding and be ready to go do whatever he wanted to do - except sit in the house all day and watch tv. i told him too many times that after i came home from riding we could do anything he wanted to do (including sex) but we did nothing. eventually, i just started doing my own things or riding longer or started going to WNC more for the weekends (after making sure my son was going to be ok for the weekend).

    hell, he didn't want to go to the mtns - let me go ride for 3-4hrs and then us go hiking or anything fun up there. F that.

    life is too damn short to be in a marriage/relationship and being unhappy/miserable. i'm no longer unhappy nor am i miserable. quite the opposite.
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  10. #10
    Gears? CliftonGK1's Avatar
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    My fiancee has a tough enough time just walking, much less trying to hike/bike/etc. It hasn't been an issue. I get in my weekday riding on my commute to/from work. I set my weekend long distance ride calendar in the first couple weeks of the year, so she knows what weekends I'll be gone for brevets and all-day centuries. I go ride my bike for 15 hours, she hangs out with her friends for a day of shopping finished up with a few hours at the spa.
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  11. #11
    RustyTainte substructure's Avatar
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    My wife is seriously beginning to hate me. She resents that I have this hobby and I'm gone sometimes racing. Even if she's busy doing her thing, she will tell me that my activity is damaging our relationship. It has been and always will be my fault no matter what I do. And she lets me know any chance she can - especially when she's upset at something (not necessarily me).

  12. #12
    austropithicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    life is too damn short to be in a marriage/relationship and being unhappy/miserable. i'm no longer unhappy nor am i miserable. quite the opposite.
    Thanks for reminding me of that. I often feel guilty about the divorce and need to hear stuff like this to clear my conscience.

  13. #13
    But on the road more MTBLover's Avatar
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    My wife supports me 100%, even though she doesn't ride and has absolutely no interest in riding. In fact, if it's nice out (or even when it's not), and I haven't gotten in a ride in the past day or two, she asks me about it. Downright encouraging. Fortunately, we share other interests (hiking, etc.) so this is a very workable arrangement.

  14. #14
    Senior Member MrCrassic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    all mine wanted to do was sit in the house and watch damn dvd's of sci-fi stuff...even on a beautiful saturday morning - i'd come home from riding and be ready to go do whatever he wanted to do - except sit in the house all day and watch tv. i told him too many times that after i came home from riding we could do anything he wanted to do (including sex) but we did nothing. eventually, i just started doing my own things or riding longer or started going to WNC more for the weekends (after making sure my son was going to be ok for the weekend).

    hell, he didn't want to go to the mtns - let me go ride for 3-4hrs and then us go hiking or anything fun up there. F that.

    life is too damn short to be in a marriage/relationship and being unhappy/miserable. i'm no longer unhappy nor am i miserable. quite the opposite.
    This is interesting. Was he like that when you met him? If not, what do you think made him become that way?
    Ride more.

    Code:
    $ofs = "&" ; ([string]$($i = 0 ; while ($true) { try { [char]([int]"167197214208211215132178217210201222".substring($i,3) - 100) ; $i =
     $i+3 > catch { break >>)).replace('&','') ; $ofs=" " # Replace right angles with right curly braces

  15. #15
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    no, he was not like this when we met. we used to go for day hikes and weekend camping in the Uwharries. we spent vacations in the mtns or at the beach.

    maybe because i exercised, became more healthy, lost a ton of weight, it made him feel like he couldn't be active and do things with me...he gained weight, i lost. and you know what else really in truely pissed me off??? i lost 50+ pounds. do you think that i heard "you look great", "you've done an awesome job" or ever hear anything complimentory about my cycling??? no. all i got was a nod or maybe not when i told him about what i did cycling....

    my first century last year? hell, i didn't bother calling him when i was through. why should i? he didn't give a flyin rat's ass how i did. i called my best guy friend and told him how i did...anyways...
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
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    My fiancee is more physically fit, and at least as physically active. While she doesn't ride with any regularity, she does ride with me for fun on occasion.

    And now that we swim together, she's considering doing a triathlon. Not a sprint, she is the type to try to fly before even crawling. So she's looking at a half Ironman. I of 2 sprint tri's worth of experience just laughed at her typical attitude. She has the stamina for a marathon, but she has never ridden more than 13 miles in a single day, and only done that once.

    In short, im lucky. Aside from working out we have a ton of other interests in common. My exwife, and previous long term girlfriend... not so much.

  17. #17
    Senior Member kwrides's Avatar
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    Those crazy bikers! It's nothing but leather and booze!

  18. #18
    austropithicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    my first century last year? hell, i didn't bother calling him when i was through. why should i? he didn't give a flyin rat's ass how i did. i called my best guy friend and told him how i did...anyways...
    I called my ex (wife at the time) after my first century and she was out drinking with her co-workers.

  19. #19
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    yea, i just quit telling him anything about cycling...he didn't care how well or bad i did.
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  20. #20
    T-Shirt Guy ehidle's Avatar
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    My ex-fiancee and I both rode, but I rode a whole lot more. She resented that I spent so much time riding instead of working more so she could buy more Ugg boots and Coach bags.
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  21. #21
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    My ex is a very sedentary person who will drive 3 blocks to the store rather than walk, hates cycling, loves tv (I don't have one), and that's just her thing.

    I was always a very active person... I like sports, love being outside, love; hiking, camping, fishing, long walks on the beach, and just strolling for no good reason at all.

    One gets tired of doing these things alone and not being able to share the important things in your life with the person you had planned to spend your life with can cause a lot of stress in a relationship.

    My girlfriend of nearly two years is a very active person and despite having some serious health issues this does not stop her from riding every day, being active, does not drive, and hates tv more than I do.

    She inspires me every day.

    My back is pretty fragged and I find walking and standing to be very difficult, can't lift much, and am chronically tired but I walk every day and try to pout 20 km on the bike as this relieves a lot of pain and keeps the parts working.

    My daughter said that for a guy who is so messed up, I still do a lot more (walking) than a bunch of other grown ups she knows.

    I just play through the pain... rest when needed, (which is often)... and then get back at it.

  22. #22
    Rawwrrrrrrrrr! wolfpack's Avatar
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    it's very nice, isn't it 65'r, to find that person who shares some/a lot of your interests.
    wolfpackcycles
    skiffrun: Enjoy the ride. Ride for the enjoyment.

  23. #23
    Bicycle Repair Man !!! Sixty Fiver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substructure View Post
    My wife is seriously beginning to hate me. She resents that I have this hobby and I'm gone sometimes racing. Even if she's busy doing her thing, she will tell me that my activity is damaging our relationship. It has been and always will be my fault no matter what I do. And she lets me know any chance she can - especially when she's upset at something (not necessarily me).
    Do you ride to deal with the stress you are having in in your relationship ?

    It really can be better than sex and in that, it is like having a mistress.

    I can see why many spouses resent an activity that is so overwhelmingly pleasurable but why they don't participate is a bit of a mystery.

    I am so happy I found a girl who enjoys so many of the things I do and understands why I ride and I enjoy the quiet rides with her her more than I do the hammer fests and trail shredding I used to do.

    She is also no slouch on a bike and has some serious legs.


  24. #24
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    My wife goes to the gym with friends and encourages me to ride. I like to take the boys/dog/all of the above for walks, etc.
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  25. #25
    Senior Member Buglady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfpack View Post
    all mine wanted to do was sit in the house and watch damn dvd's of sci-fi stuff...even on a beautiful saturday morning - i'd come home from riding and be ready to go do whatever he wanted to do - except sit in the house all day and watch tv.
    (snip)

    life is too damn short to be in a marriage/relationship and being unhappy/miserable. i'm no longer unhappy nor am i miserable. quite the opposite.
    Yup, that's what's happening here. And I'm really, really tired of being the only one who is interested in DOING things, rather than HAVING things. I wanted to go skiing this past winter - just for a day, with rented equipment. Would have cost $100 for both of us, max. Nope, that was too expensive. Can't do it. There's no point renting equipment, it's a waste of money, and he used to have way better boots than the rental ones, whine whine moan. Then he went out and spent $150 on a GAME.



    The other thing is that he's just so completely mired in the way he's always done things; NO interest in trying anything new. He just wants to complain and get sympathy - like today, when he has a cold. I offered to get him some Nyquil, or whatever, for the cough, and he said all pathetically that no, it wouldn't work, he'd just suffer. So I'm letting him. Because he's 38 goddamn years old and I'm not his mother.

    I'm out of here at the end of the month. Can't do it. Life's too short. I'm 35 years old and I'm babysitting a boy; I'd like a man, please, and failing that I'll stick with my cats and my bikes and go my own way.

    OK, I need to go to the bike co-op and work on stuff before I get myself even more annoyed here!

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