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Old 05-21-09, 11:10 PM   #1
RubenX 
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And divorce is finally here....

Separated at the moment... she took the kids and left. First offer of terms was unreasonable and unacceptable. Trying to agree on something that will work for everybody (specially for the kids).

Timing sucks lots... it's only 5 days before my finals @ college. I'll most probably fail the curses because I don't have time to study for the finals nor finish the final projects. And to think that 2 weeks ago I had near perfect grades on all 3 curses... sucks lots.

Missing my kids, but nothing I could do at this time. I know is gonna get better. But it's gonna get a lot worst before it gets any better.

This one is final... enough is enough... it was about time.

PS: I slept like a baby today, no whining, no yelling, nobody waking me up to fight... just silence and peace.

Wish me luck... wish happiness for my children.
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Old 05-21-09, 11:15 PM   #2
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Separated at the moment... she took the kids and left. First offer of terms was unreasonable and unacceptable. Trying to agree on something that will work for everybody (specially for the kids).

Timing sucks lots... it's only 5 days before my finals @ college. I'll most probably fail the curses because I don't have time to study for the finals nor finish the final projects. And to think that 2 weeks ago I had near perfect grades on all 3 curses... sucks lots.

Missing my kids, but nothing I could do at this time. I know is gonna get better. But it's gonna get a lot worst before it gets any better.

This one is final... enough is enough... it was about time.

PS: I slept like a baby today, no whining, no yelling, nobody waking me up to fight... just silence and peace.

Wish me luck... wish happiness for my children.
I wish total happiness for your children, but there are two sides to every story my friend, till I hear your wifes side your on your own.
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Old 05-21-09, 11:38 PM   #3
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I wish total happiness for your children, but there are two sides to every story my friend, till I hear your wifes side your on your own.
There is no story. She just don't love me. Actually I have not heard an "I love you" in more than a decade... and I've asked. But that's irrelevant now, what's important at this time is my kids stability. This can get real messy real easy.
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Old 05-21-09, 11:38 PM   #4
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Dude... I can't say I'm surprised, but I'm sorry to hear about it. You'll figure something out with the kids. Kids are tough, they'll survive.

As far as school, can you talk to your professors? Sometimes they'll be able to work something out. If not, study for the classes you think you may have trouble with when you get any free time, and just do your best.

Good luck Ruben. Let us know if we can do anything.
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Old 05-21-09, 11:47 PM   #5
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Yup I'm gonna try talking to the professors on Monday... see if I can get an extension (an incomplete?) or something. I'm not surprised either, I knew divorce was coming. The only questions were when and how.

...Looking forward to get out of this mess.

PS: and by "mess" a meant the marriage... but I'm sure you all got that one.

Last edited by RubenX; 05-22-09 at 02:05 AM.
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Old 05-22-09, 04:15 AM   #6
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sorry to hear this. do what's best for the kids and yourself.
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Old 05-22-09, 04:27 AM   #7
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sorry!

If you can't get an extension, try to put the emotional blinders one - only a little while and you'll be done and can deal fully with the divorce.


I don't know what her side is but unless something catastrophic occurred, that was pretty crappy to up and leave right before your semester ended.
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Old 05-22-09, 06:20 AM   #8
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Sorry to hear it.
Best wishes for you and the kids.
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Old 05-22-09, 06:43 AM   #9
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Thx Foo.... still dealing here with the terms, seeing apartments (don't want a 4 bedroom house all by myself). Many variables at play... like for example, if I get a small 2 bedroom apt, will a judge deny my the visitation days because I don't have a room for the girl and a 2nd room for the boy? Where is she going to live? how far away from her I'm I allowed to be? This and all kinds of questions must be answered but is getting really expensive to get the answers....

See ya later Foo, is gonna be a bussy day today.
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Old 05-22-09, 06:45 AM   #10
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Do what's best for the kids, always. When you do get to spend some time with them, don't unwittingly use them as allies against her. Take the high road, even if she won't. You'll thank yourself later on, and so will the little ones. Above all, keep your head above water. Kids first!
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Old 05-22-09, 06:48 AM   #11
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Expensive is right. In our local Bar Association newsletter, there was a recent article about many local divorce attorneys seeing a big drop in business. In the current Seattle economy, many couples simply cannot afford to get divorced or set up a new household.

Best of luck to you, and try your best to minimize the impact upon your kids.
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Old 05-22-09, 06:48 AM   #12
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Thx Foo.... still dealing here with the terms, seeing apartments (don't want a 4 bedroom house all by myself). Many variables at play... like for example, if I get a small 2 bedroom apt, will a judge deny my the visitation days because I don't have a room for the girl and a 2nd room for the boy? Where is she going to live? how far away from her I'm I allowed to be? This and all kinds of questions must be answered but is getting really expensive to get the answers....

See ya later Foo, is gonna be a bussy day today.
One thing at a time, man. Hang in there.
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Old 05-22-09, 07:10 AM   #13
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Divorce does not have to be expensive or involve slinging mud at each other.
It is what we make of it. I have no hard feelings anymore. It is what it is.
Life is easier for the children if the parents aren't acting like idiots and treating each other like crap.

My 2 cents. Take with a large grain of salt since I am all of 3 weeks into mine.
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Old 05-22-09, 07:29 AM   #14
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it was not expensive for me either time. no lawyers...did it ourselves both times. of course, it helps tremendously, if you can remain on friendly terms...mine will be final next friday.
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Old 05-22-09, 07:55 AM   #15
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Divorce does not have to be expensive or involve slinging mud at each other.
It is what we make of it. I have no hard feelings anymore. It is what it is.
Life is easier for the children if the parents aren't acting like idiots and treating each other like crap.

My 2 cents. Take with a large grain of salt since I am all of 3 weeks into mine.
+1

I'm sorry that you have to go through this Ruben. This is a very stressful time and you need to be compassionate to yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and the kiddos. Make the choice to be the bigger person and not argue in front of the kiddos. I've been reading and using a really great book to help me figure it all out.

"Mom's house, Dad's house" by Isolina Ricci

It talks about that stages of healing and how to make the process and outcome liveable for everyone and how to create a happy life for you and your children afterward. I highly recommend it.
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Old 05-22-09, 08:35 AM   #16
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Frankly, Ruben, I wish you'd done this yourself a while ago. Her leaving puts you at a disadvantage.

Here are some ground rules to live by for at least the next two weeks from my own personal experience:

1. FINISH SCHOOL. Don't let this get in the way of that. Tell her if she is going to expect alimony, you getting through college is going to make that easier to accomplish, and will in the long run be better for your kids.

2. DO NOT TRUST MUTUAL FRIENDS. You don't have to stop hanging out with them, but don't share A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G you worry could be a negative in the proceedings. You're better doing it here semi-anonymously unless she knows you post here. If you have couple friends, the guy might be on your side, but if he tells his wife something, it'll get back to yours.

3. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE EXPENSIVE. It sounds like she's the type to make it that way. But look for a dissolution option if your home state has it. It's a little more time consuming, but can save several thousand dollars.

4. ANYTHING FEDERAL WILL MOSTLY IGNORE THE DIVORCE. If you filed taxes together, even if the divorce has the tax bill being assigned to one partner, unless the other partner is eligible for innocent spouse protection, you're both tied to that tax bill no matter what. Better to either not list it in the decree, or have it listed as equal responsibility and who pays how much until its gone (if theres a bill that is)
4. REMEMBER IT WILL PASS. You will find someone else, you, her, and the kids will all be happier later.
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Old 05-22-09, 08:42 AM   #17
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...4. REMEMBER IT WILL PASS. You will find someone else, you, her, and the kids will all be happier later.
one of my very good friends, Vega Vixen, has told me this too many times over the past year, as i was going through the separation/divorce.

very good advice...."and, this too, shall pass". remember it...it will get better...
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Old 05-22-09, 09:31 AM   #18
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Congrats! (not sarcastic)
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Old 05-22-09, 09:35 AM   #19
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Old 05-22-09, 09:37 AM   #20
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Sorry you're going through all this. I'm sure it's tough. I've been blessed and fortunate to be going through and extremely smooth divorce and can't imagine what it would be like if it went foul.
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Old 05-22-09, 10:00 AM   #21
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Seems to have been a rash of divorces lately. Lets blame the economy.
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Old 05-22-09, 10:00 AM   #22
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Gosh y'all. I kinda hate it for everyone who has to go through one. I really don't want to. I love my wife but sometimes it seems like she's not happy no matter what I do. She's unhappy with herself and I think that's the center of our problems. I don't want to lose her.

But I hope the best for you all. Really. You guys are in my heart.
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Old 05-22-09, 10:14 AM   #23
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About friggin time!

Seen a lot of your posts, and the reason why we have divorce is for relationships like this!

Divorce probably sucks, but can't be worse than living in a loveless marriage.
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Old 05-22-09, 04:52 PM   #24
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My divorce = 600 dollars

Lost my shirt on it ... but it was worth it.
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Old 05-22-09, 05:51 PM   #25
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+1 on about time.

You and that substructure dude- I don't know if he is divorced yet, but all he seems to have is problems.
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