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View Poll Results: Have you ever cheated on a spouse?
No 105 77.78%
Yes, ongoing affair, sexual intercourse 12 8.89%
Yes, ongoing affair, emotional support only 2 1.48%
Yes, one time, sexual intercourse 7 5.19%
Yes, one time, NO actual intercourse 2 1.48%
Yes, other, explain 7 5.19%
Voters: 135. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-02-09, 02:21 PM   #1
austropithicus
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NEW Cheating Thread

Have you ever cheated on a spouse or long-term, significant other?
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Old 06-02-09, 02:22 PM   #2
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no
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Old 06-02-09, 02:23 PM   #3
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nope
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Old 06-02-09, 02:24 PM   #4
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Old 06-02-09, 02:27 PM   #5
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hey, someone has some explainin to do.
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Old 06-02-09, 02:28 PM   #6
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When my ex-wife announced she wanted to see other people, and started doing so, I went out and made some friends. Some of those friends were women. After a while I started seeing those women friends without their clothes on. They knew the exact situation, that my wife was out "exploring" and that her and I were no longer intimate, and she did as she pleased and didn't care if I did or didn't do as I pleased. We were living together but for all intentions separated, and officially separated not longer after. It was a heartbreaking situation and surrounding myself with women who were interested in me made me feel better. I NEVER had an interest in going outside my marriage until after she did and said "do whatever you want, im doing this". I thought it was a reaction to her family breaking up, and the bad influence of her mother (who cheated on her dad before leaving).

Turns out i was right.

Looking back, I should have just kicked her out and made her realize that sleeping with other guys means you get to be homeless. But I never expected to be divorcing so I had no idea how to react.
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Old 06-02-09, 02:29 PM   #7
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umm, you missed "yes, emotional support, but ended"

just sayin'
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Old 06-02-09, 02:31 PM   #8
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When my ex-wife announced she wanted to see other people, and started doing so, I went out and made some friends. Some of those friends were women. After a while I started seeing those women friends without their clothes on. They knew the exact situation, that my wife was out "exploring" and that her and I were no longer intimate, and she did as she pleased and didn't care if I did or didn't do as I pleased. We were living together but for all intentions separated, and officially separated not longer after. It was a heartbreaking situation and surrounding myself with women who were interested in me made me feel better. I NEVER had an interest in going outside my marriage until after she did and said "do whatever you want, im doing this". I thought it was a reaction to her family breaking up, and the bad influence of her mother (who cheated on her dad before leaving).

Turns out i was right.

Looking back, I should have just kicked her out and made her realize that sleeping with other guys means you get to be homeless. But I never expected to be divorcing so I had no idea how to react.
How old were you and her at the time? How long had you been married?
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Old 06-02-09, 02:44 PM   #9
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How old were you and her at the time? How long had you been married?
2 years married late and mid 20's respectively.

Within 3 months she had a complete family breakdown. I was there for her every step of the way, but whatever her mom was telling her was overriding what I was saying.

I look back and I see what happened to her family and it still shocks me that this all happened inside 3 months time, like some gigantic crack in reality:

Mom - feeling ignored by dad, spent all day after work in chat rooms, went to some dudes family reunion that she met on the internet. Mom came back with a bandaid on her chin, bruises on her legs, and chat logs (that the ex broke into with my help) that talked about the disgusting things that caused all that. She left her dad for a guy with 1 foot that lived in a trailer with no running water. Seriously.

Dad - Liked to look at barely legal sites on the web (who doesn't? But it ties in later), and eventually shacked up with the woman across the street - whose ex-husband STILL LIVES WITH HER.

Older sister - Left her husband because she decided she was a lesbian. moved in with a woman who frankly, looked a lot like the husband she left. The husband had his faults (he pulled me into the computer room one time to show me internet porn of a chick giving a BJ... in the middle of his daughters 2nd birthday party). Claimed that Dad sexually molested her. Ex Wife has no memories of such an event, but Dad is just weird enough its remotely possible, but seems unlikely.

Younger brother - ADHD on Ritalin or Lithium (cannot remember anymore). When Dad moved across the street, the family home was deeded to him at 18. He promptly moved in his 15 yr old, pregnant girlfriend, and quit his job.

It's like the worst episode of jerry springer ever, and while Im loathe to give the Ex Wife any latitude for what she did to my heart, I've come to understand she didnt have a chance in hell of escaping that sinking ship. Hell, Im lucky I didnt put a gun in my mouth the way it went.

Case in point: 30th birthday, we had a trip planned (and paid for) to chicago, all sorts of fun, to reconnect, spend some money, relax. She gets a text that morning, and decides she isnt going, needs space, acts all upset, and tells me to go visit my folks. Desperately needing to get away, I do, as im told we'll talk that night. She doesnt answer the phone the 3 times i call her over the course of 4 hours. I rush home in the morning worried, come to find out she went out dinner and clubbing with some guy (and this was before the "im doing whatever I want" phase)
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Old 06-02-09, 02:55 PM   #10
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2 years married late and mid 20's respectively.

Within 3 months she had a complete family breakdown. I was there for her every step of the way, but whatever her mom was telling her was overriding what I was saying.

I look back and I see what happened to her family and it still shocks me that this all happened inside 3 months time, like some gigantic crack in reality:

Mom - feeling ignored by dad, spent all day after work in chat rooms, went to some dudes family reunion that she met on the internet. Mom came back with a bandaid on her chin, bruises on her legs, and chat logs (that the ex broke into with my help) that talked about the disgusting things that caused all that. She left her dad for a guy with 1 foot that lived in a trailer with no running water. Seriously.

Dad - Liked to look at barely legal sites on the web (who doesn't? But it ties in later), and eventually shacked up with the woman across the street - whose ex-husband STILL LIVES WITH HER.

Older sister - Left her husband because she decided she was a lesbian. moved in with a woman who frankly, looked a lot like the husband she left. The husband had his faults (he pulled me into the computer room one time to show me internet porn of a chick giving a BJ... in the middle of his daughters 2nd birthday party). Claimed that Dad sexually molested her. Ex Wife has no memories of such an event, but Dad is just weird enough its remotely possible, but seems unlikely.

Younger brother - ADHD on Ritalin or Lithium (cannot remember anymore). When Dad moved across the street, the family home was deeded to him at 18. He promptly moved in his 15 yr old, pregnant girlfriend, and quit his job.

It's like the worst episode of jerry springer ever, and while Im loathe to give the Ex Wife any latitude for what she did to my heart, I've come to understand she didnt have a chance in hell of escaping that sinking ship. Hell, Im lucky I didnt put a gun in my mouth the way it went.

Case in point: 30th birthday, we had a trip planned (and paid for) to chicago, all sorts of fun, to reconnect, spend some money, relax. She gets a text that morning, and decides she isnt going, needs space, acts all upset, and tells me to go visit my folks. Desperately needing to get away, I do, as im told we'll talk that night. She doesnt answer the phone the 3 times i call her over the course of 4 hours. I rush home in the morning worried, come to find out she went out dinner and clubbing with some guy (and this was before the "im doing whatever I want" phase)
Wow. I think the internet is ruining a lot of marriages.
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Old 06-02-09, 03:03 PM   #11
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TechKnowGN, really sorry to hear of that situation and glad that you've gotten through and over it.

I think you have a point there austropithicus. The internet can be a dangerous place for all types of relationships. I think the key is to ensure that your sig other/spouse is fully aware of any friendships that are struck up and is comfortable with them. Honesty is always the best thing.
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Old 06-02-09, 03:04 PM   #12
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No, but it seems a lot of women I've dated later told me about relationships with married men they had in the past (or were still having).
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Old 06-02-09, 03:04 PM   #13
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No emotional intercourse?
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Old 06-02-09, 03:05 PM   #14
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No; I had many opportunities to do so, though.

The one time that a woman other than my girlfriend caught my eye, I broke up with her to pursue the other woman.

From an experiential point of view, it was a very good idea.
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Old 06-02-09, 03:05 PM   #15
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TechKnowGN, really sorry to hear of that situation and glad that you've gotten through and over it.

I think you have a point there austropithicus. The internet can be a dangerous place for all types of relationships. I think the key is to ensure that your sig other/spouse is fully aware of any friendships that are struck up and is comfortable with them. Honesty is always the best thing.
The internet like everything else is a tool. Its all in how you use it. For particularly shy people, its a way to open up and feel a freedom of expression and acceptance, and she used it to open up to guys about things shed never tell me, even though I did my best to be totally accepting. Hell, i married her for chrissake. LOL
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Old 06-02-09, 03:06 PM   #16
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Do girlfriends count or is this just for marrie.... I'm having deja-vu.

Yes, ongoing affair (I'm assuming you mean when this happened cuz it ain't happening now), get my freak on kinda thing.
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Old 06-02-09, 03:08 PM   #17
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@ TechknowGN I guess people are looking for a best friend relationship beyond their spousal relationship and perhaps things go wrong. I can see how it'd be easy to develop something like that.
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Old 06-02-09, 03:08 PM   #18
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......Looking back, I should have just kicked her out and made her realize that sleeping with other guys means you get to be homeless....
Words to live by...

and "no" I have never cheated
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Old 06-02-09, 03:09 PM   #19
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Words to live by...
it depends on who you are, what your definition of cheating is...
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Old 06-02-09, 03:10 PM   #20
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it depends on who you are, what your definition of cheating is...
Oh no didnt we go thru this in the "Marriage Thread" a few weeks ago.
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Old 06-02-09, 03:46 PM   #21
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I've never cheated.
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Old 06-02-09, 04:16 PM   #22
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Does eating cookies late at night and then denying it the next day count?

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Old 06-02-09, 04:20 PM   #23
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Yes. After the path was clearly leading to divorce and the marriage was over (intimacy with the spouse had ended long before the affair).
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Old 06-02-09, 04:52 PM   #24
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Yes.

I was 23 (I think) and she had left town for 3 months. We were emotionally distant and I didn't realize just quite how distant we were until I cheated.

I tried to repair the relationship, but she ended up wanting too much change from me to be emotionally supportive (she wouldn't support me and what I wanted unless I moved to LA with her...which I decidedly did not want to do). It was a poor relationship, and I didn't realize how manipulative she was until I was out of it.

Cheating: a symptom of the problem.
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Old 06-02-09, 04:52 PM   #25
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I got married in 1973. My wife made a deal with me. I don't cheat on her and she doesn't shoot me.
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