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Old 06-03-09, 04:46 AM   #1
austropithicus
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Relationship Self-Help

I thought of a great idea for couples to communicate better. I think it would work great and be a non-stressful way to understand each other and get what you want out of your partner.

You would need four shoe boxes, two for each person. These shoe boxes would be used to hold little notes. One box would be the "I love (my spouse's name) because..." box, the other would be the "I wish (my spouse's name) would..." box. These boxes would be filled with notes which could be added to at any time. The "I love" notes would have not only the reason that you love the other person but also an explanation of how it makes you feel. The same for the "I wish" box. "I wish that ___ would _____. That would make me feel _______." Then once a week, the partners would get together and take one note out of each box. They would not read the notes out loud. I think it would be best to keep that to themselves so that the other person did not know which "love" and "wish" had just been selected. It would add some mystery and eliminate any possibility of conflict at that moment. The important thing is that once the note was selected and read, the selector would look into their partner's eyes and smile and give a warm hug. That's all. There would be no need for discussion and therefore no tension or feelings of being criticized.

I think this idea is pure genius! "I wish I was a writer so I could write a self-help book based on this". Woo hoo!
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Old 06-03-09, 06:21 AM   #2
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This sounds like a really good idea, but then there's the part about getting your significant other to actually go with it.
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Old 06-03-09, 06:40 AM   #3
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If your partner is not willing to try it, you're too far along down the "lack of communcition" road for the technique to help (i.e. they're not willing to try something to help communicate).

Ongoing relationships are about choosing to make the relationship continue. This could be a less threatening way to make it easier to see what the choices are.
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Old 06-03-09, 06:43 AM   #4
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I wish my wife earned a million dollars a year after taxes.
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Old 06-03-09, 07:14 AM   #5
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I wish my wife earned a million dollars a year after taxes.
You forgot to state how that would make you feel.
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Old 06-03-09, 07:59 AM   #6
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I would feel envious of Zorro
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Old 06-03-09, 12:32 PM   #7
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Hmmm...suggest this over at the folks in your nearest relationship research psych lab. Then we can see if this works. If I may, I'll suggest it to our social psych research labs too, with your permission.
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Old 06-03-09, 12:44 PM   #8
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Great. An excuse for her to buy four more pairs of shoes.
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Old 06-03-09, 12:45 PM   #9
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Hmmm...suggest this over at the folks in your nearest relationship research psych lab. Then we can see if this works. If I may, I'll suggest it to our social psych research labs too, with your permission.
I've never tried it but my ex and I had terrible communication and I think something like this would have helped. Please, do with it what you want.
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Old 06-03-09, 12:48 PM   #10
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I've never tried it but my ex and I had terrible communication and I think something like this would have helped. Please, do with it what you want.
Make sure you get the credit though!
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Old 06-03-09, 12:49 PM   #11
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Make sure you get the credit though!
I'd rather have my ex back.
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Old 06-03-09, 01:30 PM   #12
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I've never tried it but my ex and I had terrible communication and I think something like this would have helped. Please, do with it what you want.
Ok, just dialed my friend over at the social area and told her about it. She does marital research.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 06-03-09, 02:01 PM   #13
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Ok, just dialed my friend over at the social area and told her about it. She does marital research.
Wow! Maybe my ex will be so impressed she gives us another go. Thank you!
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Old 06-03-09, 02:29 PM   #14
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The experiment seemed to be going well, until one day a card was pulled that read:

"I wish that [Janine] would [stop being a total ***** all the time]. That would make me feel [like I don't have to keep boning the secretary at work]."

Mark claimed that it was a joke and that he was drunk at the time, but Janine chose not to accept this apology.
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Old 06-03-09, 04:28 PM   #15
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Wow! Maybe my ex will be so impressed she gives us another go. Thank you!
Her research is actually closely related to the suggestion--she studies how married couples describe each other in several relationship roles (e.g. lover, husband, father, caregiver, etc.) and how positively or negatively they feel about how the partner fulfills those roles, and how this affects marital satisfaction. She definitely could use the suggestion for future studies if she wished. I can dig up the links to her research when I get home, if any of you are interested.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 06-03-09, 04:39 PM   #16
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Four shoe boxes at once isn't easy to come by........otherwise it would have been a great idea!
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Old 06-03-09, 07:16 PM   #17
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...She does marital research.
Sounds kinda kinky.
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Old 06-03-09, 07:18 PM   #18
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You forgot to state how that would make you feel.
That would make me feel liberated (or maybe like a million bucks).
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Old 06-03-09, 08:12 PM   #19
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Four shoe boxes at once isn't easy to come by........otherwise it would have been a great idea!
Really?

*looks at pile of shoe boxes in garage*

Methinks my household buys too many shoes...
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