I've been working my way out of debt for a while now and as I've gotten my cards paid off I've left them open to keep my FICO score up for when I buy a house.
But I'm about to set a closing date so I'm getting to be sending my letters to the CC companies telling them to close my accounts. Thing is, I'm not going to be professional at all about this... I'm just going to tell them what I think...
First up, Chase bank...
This may be pretty vulgar to some people, but this is what I will most likely be sending certified mail or email (I haven't decided which) within a couple weeks. I'm open to suggestions too...
Dear Chase Bank:
As of today I am requesting that my accounts ending in XXXX and XXXX be closed. I want you to do this immediately and report it to the credit bureau(s) that this account is to be closed upon consumer request.
The reason for this closing is simple, you are greedy *****holes and I no longer want anything to do with any more of your bulls###. Quite frankly, I can summarize my feelings toward my relationship with you in to words: F### you.
You have not made it easy. Every time I am have contacted you I hear about how important my business is to your company. Well, at this point I feel I should have a barcode and serial number engraved on my forehead. I am merely a number to you and that is all. You care about me about as much as an Atlantic City hooker, only wanting the money and not caring that you gave me crabs.
I will also warn you at this point that this communication may be monitored for quality and training purposes, it also may be sent to various media sources, and mostly likely any reply given may find its way to a public forum I see fit, because I feel the public has a right to know how shady you are. Since youíre running on our money, itís the least you can do, right?
Youíve raised my APR for no reason, lowered my credit limit to less than my current balance, and had payments get ďlost in the mailĒ even though I made them online through your website. One of the accounts has a credit balance of 95 cents. Send me my check, please.
And if you didnít try to squeeze every penny out of me directly, you found a way to manipulate my government into bailing you out because you canít handle your own finances. After receiving this help, you thanked America by sending even more jobs to India.
I realize that you, the person reading this, are probably from India. Let me say I have no personal beef with you and I am requesting you send me some good curry recipes. I really like spicy food.
You are the worst bank I have ever had to deal with, bar none, and you got even worse when merging with Bank One. Thank you for making my life a living hell for no reason whatsoever.
You see, I have never been late on a payment despite all the financial crunches I have been in in my life. I take some pride in this. I realize that because of this you consider me to be a ďdeadbeat.Ē Well, if Iím the deadbeat, and Iím actually paying my bills, what are you? If it wasnít for Uncle Sam you wouldíve collapsed, and deservedly so.
Letís start with my account ending in XXX, which is the first one opened with Chase bank. I liked this card because of the rebates and the 5% back on gas. I established a pattern of paying my bill in full on time every month and because of this you felt obligated to raise my APR to 28%-ish. I guess you figured that if I were to mess up you could kick me while Iím down. Iím not down, Iím not out, and youíve lost another customer.
You further pissed me off when you, without advanced warning, lowered my credit limit from $4000 to $1600 when my current account balance was $1500 with pending transactions. I caught this right away and you reversed the charge, as you should have. I will not thank you for reversing a charge that should never have been applied in the first place. And if you claim you gave me advance warning, I received the notice in the mail A WEEK AFTER going ďoverĒ my ďlimit.Ē
Now there is the account ending in XXXX. You have never ceased to amaze me on this account. In fact, the only way to describe Chase bank when it applies to the account is that you are like an infected hemorrhoid right at the base of my ******* when Iím stuck with travelers diarrhea.
First of all, I do not know if the annoyances and bull**** I have endured on this concept have been with Chase Bank directly or with Bank One, however I consider that to be one in the same as when purchasing Bank One you opened up yourself to their mistakes.
This account has been at a balance transfer rate for a long time. I have made consistent payments above the minimum while Iíve gotten back on my feet financially. When I first made the balance transfer I was charged a transfer fee. You felt obligated to charge this fee as a purchase and applied the purchase APR to the fee but the balance transfer rate to the balance transfer. How greedy are you, honestly? This came out to about 15 cents a month in your favor on such a small amount. This annoyed the hell out of me but I can see since you canít handle your own finances I guess every little bit helps.
As a side note, I have found that Quicken really helps track expenses, tell your CEO he might want to try it sometime so he can balance his checkbook.
Another time you tried to get me with this same account (and tried to raise my APR subsequently) is when you claimed you hadnít receive my payments for two months in a row. I had used your website to directly pay the account but your customer service rep told me that the payment ďprobably got lost in the mail.Ē How the hell could this happen? Do you think Iím a moron? As it turns out a simple AUDIT could have taken care of this as your data entry personnel added an extra 0 to my account number, but you have not admitted to any fault.
And finally this year as Iím buying a house and taking care of other things you felt the need to violate the terms of my card member agreement by raising my Life of Loan Balance transfer of 5.99% to 15.99% APR. I guess you were hoping I wasnít paying attention. Now Iíve gotten you to lower the amount but you are yet to refund the charges from when my APR was unjustifiably raised.
Iím through with you and I hope you fail.
P.S. Tell your CEO he needs a new toupee.