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Old 07-01-09, 08:36 AM   #1
jsharr
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We can do this!

Foo Collective, we can win this!

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

I say we start working on this tonight. Let's all get together at Tude's place at 8 PM. I will bring a plate of cookies and a box of random words and punctuation marks.


Knowing that the end was near, Commander Eckstrom called his men into the galley to give them one last inspirational speech, even though the previous twenty had done no good; in fact the ship probalby would not have run aground if the Commander had not droned on and on during his first speech, stressing the importance of good anal hygiene on one of Her Majesty's ships of the line.

Above is my first draft.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 07-01-09, 08:37 AM   #2
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Oh don't make me think like this without having my coffee...
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 07-01-09, 08:42 AM   #3
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It was the captains insistence that no two people flush at the same time, due to backflow issues, that caused the navigator to not pay attention to the ship's course. The boat surely would have missed the world famous turd reef had the navigator not been distracted. Now, with the ship rocking back and forth like a sow with a massive stomach ache, what were the men to do?
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Old 07-01-09, 08:47 AM   #4
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Knowing that the end was near, Commander Eckstrom called his men into the galley to give them one last inspirational speech, even though the previous twenty had done no good; in fact the ship, H.M.S. Corduroy which some would call the finest ship in the British small pond fleet and most others would call the only ship in the British small pond fleet, probably would not have run aground if the Commander had not droned on and on during his first speech, stressing the importance of good anal hygiene on one of Her Majesty's ships of the line.
Added my edit...
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Old 07-01-09, 08:55 AM   #5
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well done sir. you grasped the one sentence concept. MV, not so much.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 07-01-09, 08:55 AM   #6
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Knowing that foo...the end.
my edit
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People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.
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Old 07-01-09, 08:56 AM   #7
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well done sir. you grasped the one sentence concept.
me too
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Old 07-01-09, 09:02 AM   #8
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well done sir. you grasped the one sentence concept. MV, not so much.
MV doesn't grasp too much when all he can really think about is the fact that he's on vacation starting at 5:00 today and therefore going to go to the Silver Comet for a long bike ride tomorrow and Friday he and his kid are going to Six Flags.
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Old 07-01-09, 09:04 AM   #9
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That's a good excuse.
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Old 07-01-09, 09:04 AM   #10
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me too
you sir, have an incredible ability to comprehend the obvious, so I am not surprised by your "submission"

I figured that writing an incredibly ponderous and stultifying opening sentence to a novel would be your long suite.

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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 07-01-09, 09:14 AM   #11
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Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.
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It's gonna be tough to beat writing of this caliber...
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Old 07-01-09, 09:16 AM   #12
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or this

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She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail . . . though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.
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Old 07-01-09, 09:20 AM   #13
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or this
suddenly, I am remembering the bead incident....thanks UA.
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Old 07-01-09, 09:32 AM   #14
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Bad writing is very hard to do. I have been working on my bad writing skills for years, and still, sadly, I feel as if I am a better writer than most of the people I meet.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 07-01-09, 09:33 AM   #15
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Ooooo Partay at Tude's place!!!! <dances around>

You can keep the cookies, BEER for all!
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Old 07-01-09, 09:42 AM   #16
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Ooooo Partay at Tude's place!!!! <dances around>

You can keep the cookies, BEER for all!
Yep, I'm skipping the essay and goin' str8 4 teh par-tei WOOOT
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