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Thread: We can do this!

  1. #1
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    We can do this!

    Foo Collective, we can win this!

    http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

    I say we start working on this tonight. Let's all get together at Tude's place at 8 PM. I will bring a plate of cookies and a box of random words and punctuation marks.


    Knowing that the end was near, Commander Eckstrom called his men into the galley to give them one last inspirational speech, even though the previous twenty had done no good; in fact the ship probalby would not have run aground if the Commander had not droned on and on during his first speech, stressing the importance of good anal hygiene on one of Her Majesty's ships of the line.

    Above is my first draft.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  2. #2
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Oh don't make me think like this without having my coffee...
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
    We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
    Quote Originally Posted by making View Post
    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  3. #3
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    It was the captains insistence that no two people flush at the same time, due to backflow issues, that caused the navigator to not pay attention to the ship's course. The boat surely would have missed the world famous turd reef had the navigator not been distracted. Now, with the ship rocking back and forth like a sow with a massive stomach ache, what were the men to do?
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  4. #4
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Knowing that the end was near, Commander Eckstrom called his men into the galley to give them one last inspirational speech, even though the previous twenty had done no good; in fact the ship, H.M.S. Corduroy which some would call the finest ship in the British small pond fleet and most others would call the only ship in the British small pond fleet, probably would not have run aground if the Commander had not droned on and on during his first speech, stressing the importance of good anal hygiene on one of Her Majesty's ships of the line.
    Added my edit...

  5. #5
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    well done sir. you grasped the one sentence concept. MV, not so much.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  6. #6
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Knowing that foo...the end.
    my edit
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  7. #7
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    well done sir. you grasped the one sentence concept.
    me too
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  8. #8
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    well done sir. you grasped the one sentence concept. MV, not so much.
    MV doesn't grasp too much when all he can really think about is the fact that he's on vacation starting at 5:00 today and therefore going to go to the Silver Comet for a long bike ride tomorrow and Friday he and his kid are going to Six Flags.
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  9. #9
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    That's a good excuse.

  10. #10
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pgoat View Post
    me too
    you sir, have an incredible ability to comprehend the obvious, so I am not surprised by your "submission"

    I figured that writing an incredibly ponderous and stultifying opening sentence to a novel would be your long suite.

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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  11. #11
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.
    Jim Gleeson, Madison, WI (2007 Winner)
    It's gonna be tough to beat writing of this caliber...

  12. #12
    Domestic Domestique UnsafeAlpine's Avatar
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    or this

    She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail . . . though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.
    Dave Zobel, Manhattan Beach, CA (2004 Winner)

  13. #13
    Riding Heaven's Highways on the grand tour ModoVincere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UnsafeAlpine View Post
    or this
    suddenly, I am remembering the bead incident....thanks UA.
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  14. #14
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Bad writing is very hard to do. I have been working on my bad writing skills for years, and still, sadly, I feel as if I am a better writer than most of the people I meet.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  15. #15
    Blasted Weeds Tude's Avatar
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    Ooooo Partay at Tude's place!!!! <dances around>

    You can keep the cookies, BEER for all!

  16. #16
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tude View Post
    Ooooo Partay at Tude's place!!!! <dances around>

    You can keep the cookies, BEER for all!
    Yep, I'm skipping the essay and goin' str8 4 teh par-tei WOOOT
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

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