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  1. #1
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    Dealing with Being Resented

    How do the peoples of FOO deal with resentment if they are the ones being resented (not doing the resenting)?

    Google is certainly no help--all I find are tips from couch-psychologists regarding dealing with resentment if you are the resentor; not if you are on the receiving end of being resented.

    And, yes, there is certainly a much, much longer version I could post, but I don't need to at the moment.

  2. #2
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Open up a discourse with the resenter if possible. Try to find out why the resentment exists. If possible make amends, ask for forgiveness and attempt to correct the root cause of the problem.

    If the resentment is not reasonable, and your actions are not incorrect, ( such as a fellow employee resenting the fact that you got a promotion, etc. or not liking the way you enforce company policy), explain your actions and let them know that no offense was intended, but that you are doing your job to the best of your ability.

    Do not let the resentment bring you down, cause you to respond incorrectly, etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  3. #3
    austropithicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    How do the peoples of FOO deal with resentment if they are the ones being resented (not doing the resenting)?
    Who resents you?

  4. #4
    VFL For Life Velo Vol's Avatar
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    I can't remember being resented. One benefit of being a dateless loser.

  5. #5
    Senior Member ModoVincere's Avatar
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    16 ga Browning semi auto w/ Steel BB shot works well for me.
    1 bronze, 0 silver, 1 gold

  6. #6
    Generated Member trsidn's Avatar
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    Resentment lies with the resenter, not the resentee.... There is nothing you can do about it. Their problem, not yours.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mariah View Post
    Transcendental enumeration.

  7. #7
    Ogr8nwmypstmksnosnse pgoat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trsidn View Post
    Resentment lies with the resenter, not the resentee....
    I resemble that remark
    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    People whose sig line does not include a jsharr quote annoy me.

  8. #8
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trsidn View Post
    Resentment lies with the resenter, not the resentee.... There is nothing you can do about it. Their problem, not yours.
    Untrue. Although the resent does indeed lie with the resenter, there is much one can do about it, positively or negatively.

    Eihter intentionally or unintentionally, our actions impact others. Something must have been done to create the resentment. It did not just appear. The only way to find out why is to ask. Only when one knows that cause of the resent can a course of action be planned.

    Ignoring the problem will not make it go away.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  9. #9
    You gonna eat that? Doohickie's Avatar
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    You can only control how you feel. You can't control how others feel about you. If they want to resent you, let them. It's their problem, not yours.

    If you let them drag you into the whole resentment world, you lose. Treat them as well as you can in the circumstance you're in. If they aren't happy with that, it's not your issue. Let it go.
    I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.



    Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."

  10. #10
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    How do the peoples of FOO deal with resentment if they are the ones being resented (not doing the resenting)?

    Google is certainly no help--all I find are tips from couch. He keeps telling me to burn a couch!
    Furnitured for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  11. #11
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    You can call yourself the problem or you can call the other person the problem, when it comes to resentment the person doing the resenting is usually the proiblem, in that case all you have to do is get rid of the problem, Im not telling you to kill anyone! just drop the person like a hot potato, then the problem is over.
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  12. #12
    What is a jsharr?
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    Quote Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
    Furnitured for you.
    Hey! Your stealing my thoughts! Tin Foil hat time folks!

    Couch
    This thread needs more Chipcom!

  13. #13
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by trsidn View Post
    Resentment lies with the resenter, not the resentee.... There is nothing you can do about it. Their problem, not yours.
    Yeah! What he said!
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  14. #14
    kila kila kila
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    Resentment usually results from an imbalance of power, the one holding resentment usually being the weaker party. My advice is to sit back, enjoy your superiority, and think of ways to use it to your advantage.

  15. #15
    Still can't climb
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    you are winning. now go in for the kill.

  16. #16
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Untrue. Although the resent does indeed lie with the resenter, there is much one can do about it, positively or negatively.

    Eihter intentionally or unintentionally, our actions impact others. Something must have been done to create the resentment. It did not just appear. The only way to find out why is to ask. Only when one knows that cause of the resent can a course of action be planned.

    Ignoring the problem will not make it go away.
    Ive been resented one time in my life, was a girl I dated, it was after about a year when it all started, I asked what I did and she would reply,"If you don't know why should I tell you?" after about 2 rounds of the same BS I dropped her like a bad habit, I truly loved her, but I wasn't going to be around that type of BS, life is to short, afterward she would come around, and call to tell me that she was wrong, but the damage was done, her negative involvment in my life was over and that part of my life was closed, and I never regreted my decision.
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  17. #17
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilikebikes View Post
    Ive been resented one time in my life, was a girl I dated, it was after about a year when it all started, I asked what I did and she would reply,"If you don't know why should I tell you?" after about 2 rounds of the same BS I dropped her like a bad habit, I truly loved her, but I wasn't going to be around that type of BS, life is to short, afterward she would come around, and call to tell me that she was wrong, but the damage was done, her negative involvment in my life was over and that part of my life was closed, and I never regreted my decision.
    Yes, but you did not ignore the problem here. You opened a discourse and attempted to find out why the resentment existed. Given the information you were given, you came up with a course of action that worked for you.

    Had she been open and honest and presented you with a sound reason for the resentment, your course of action may have been different.
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    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  18. #18
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by couch_incident View Post
    Hey! Your stealing my thoughts! Tin Foil hat time folks!

    Couch
    Wonder Twin powers - ACTIVATE!

    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  19. #19
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    My wife often resents me. I know this sounds arrogant, but my wife and I generally have an amazing relationship, and our worst times are still better than the best times of most of the couples we know fairly well, but the resentment thing is a serious issue, and get a pit in my stomach to the point where I can't eat for days when I know she is resenting me for whatever reason (I am an ultra-hyper-sensitive male and I admit it, so move along and don't get caught up on that part).

    After talking with her about things today (since my first post, to boot) I have figured out a lot, but since I alread started this topic I am still trying to figure out how to deal with it while things get resolved (issues that will take months, not minutes).

    Here is a really stupid, but real life example: I am not a stereo-typical guy. I work all day, then I come home and watch the baby, do the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, mow the lawn, put the baby to bed, dine with my wife, and hang out with her the rest of the night, and still have time to do hobbies sometimes if she has something she needs to do. My wife watches the baby during the day, works at home a few nights a week, and I encourage her to decompress by doing her hobbies while I take care of everything else to give her a break. But, I think of housework as a hobby, and I really enjoy doing all those things (not in a control freak way--I genuinely enjoy doing all those things).

    But she resents me for it. Why? Because she watches daytime TV shows about all these men who do nothing while the wife works full time and does housework full time. She gets fired up at the TV and wants to complain to me about how I do nothing like the guys on TV, but she doesn't have anything to complain about (okay, I spoil her and it's biting me in the ass), so she resents me for not being a "typical guy." So, instead, she will hunt and find one tiny thing that I didn't get around to doing, and she will pick on that for an entire evening.

    Or, the other day I read an article about how modern men do 50% of the housework but their wives think the men do 0% of the housework because they use their dads as a baseline, from which that generation typically didn't do any housework, so the wives see their husbands as doing 0% like their dads even though the husbands are doing 50%. I told this to my wife and she got super defensive about the women's perspective!


    Here is a better example: She was working on her PhD at a school that was not good for her. Long story short, I encouraged her to drop out temporarily so she could figure stuff out. Fast foward 3 years later and she thanks me for it as it was the best decision possible and she sees it now, but she still resents me for it being my idea and not hers, even though she agrees it was the best thing to happen to her in recent years.

    Okay, so the true issues aren't resentment but co-dependency, which has been a serious issue with her in the past prior to meeting me, but they are returning and we want to nip it in the bud, but the resentment is still there as part of it.

    Thanks for listening, FOO!

    ETA: and the make-up sex is great! (19 posts and no mention of sex? C'mon, FOO, don't disappoint.)
    Last edited by SonataInFSharp; 07-07-09 at 10:14 AM.

  20. #20
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    P.S. I used "couch-psychologist" specifically to see how long it would take for a Couch reference.

  21. #21
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    My response would have been something along the lines of: "Does your bike have computer controlled suspension? Then shut your piehole, this baby is from the future!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    Yes, but you did not ignore the problem here. You opened a discourse and attempted to find out why the resentment existed. Given the information you were given, you came up with a course of action that worked for you.

    Had she been open and honest and presented you with a sound reason for the resentment, your course of action may have been different.
    Sorry dude, wasn't disagreeing with you, but so you know, your implications are making me resent you!
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  22. #22
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    (19 posts and no mention of sex? C'mon, FOO, don't disappoint.)
    We had burning couches at 10 and you can "think" of a burning couch as a metaphor for sex!

    At least if MV is the one on said couch.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  23. #23
    Body By Nintendo Psydotek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    P.S. I used "couch-psychologist" specifically to see how long it would take for a Couch reference.
    You mean burn it down?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6CWTsVIyk4

    Quote Originally Posted by jsharr View Post
    A girl once asked me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt. I had to make love to her 3 times and then punch her in the nose.

  24. #24
    On my TARDIScycle! KingTermite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    P.S. I used "couch-psychologist" specifically to see how long it would take for a Couch reference.
    Glad I didn't disappoint you!

    You may have resented me otherwise.
    Quote Originally Posted by coffeecake View Post
    - it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.

  25. #25
    austropithicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonataInFSharp View Post
    Thanks for listening, FOO!
    Marriage counseling is a good thing. It should be part of your relationship maintenance, every year or 3000 miles, whichever comes first. My ex and I did not do this sort of maintenance and hence the term, "ex". :-(

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