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Old 07-08-09, 12:51 AM   #1
Mr. Markets
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MY Dog has the FRESHEST Breath on the Planet!

Dogs do the strangest things.

For instance, we once had a dog who LOVED to chew on my wife's racquetballs. You know, the
blue ones. The dog was a big shepherd mix, and anytime she got ahold of one of the balls she
would just chew away at it. You could hear this kind of rubbery squeaking sound as she worked
that thing. Invariably, she would break her way into it, chew it to little bits, and you would find the
remains all over the yard. this didn;t happen only once, she made a habit of it. Never the worse
for wear -- she lived to the ripe old dog age of almost 16 years. Oh, and did I mention they were
coming out the other end?

Another dog we had was clearly not into labels. I don;t mean the verbal kind, I mean the kind
they would sew into your shoes. Some dogs like to chew shoes, but this one didn't. he just
didn't like the labels in them. So, whether they were the ones sewn in as little tags, OR the teeny
tiny things they used to sew intot he middle of the interior sole right by your heel, he would chew
them out. The shoes themselves were never the worse for wear, but the labels were history.

NOW... well, we have a dog that has taken up a new 'hobby' shall we say. He discovered soap.
One very hot day we came home and found that he had left footprints all over the tub. I guessed
that maybe he was hot, and the tub had been a nice cool place to curl up. I was wrong. It seemed
he had slipped into the tub to EAT the SOAP. Now we never knew anything was wrong because this
was the kids tub, and what kid really pays attention to soap, right? WELL... earlier today he did it
again. But this time it was no little remnant, he must have chowed down on a big ol' chunk of the
stuff. Because...

He has been puking outside around the house, on our walk, at the park, and tonite in the house.
Funny thing is, none of it stinks. In fact, it all has this rather fragrant smell to it, like a freshly
washed baby. And his breath? I can say I have never smelled a dog who had sweeter and better
scented breath than my dog -- and I doubt I ever will.

We are all wondering if he has learned his lesson -- especially me -- as I stay up to keep cleaning
up his soapy heavings. Sigh.

Last edited by Mr. Markets; 07-08-09 at 12:55 AM.
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Old 07-08-09, 06:36 AM   #2
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hehe - they do the strangest things. I'm surprised he didn't give you a treat from the other end as well!
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Old 07-08-09, 07:03 AM   #3
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A lot of times I'll let my dog lick my face, then I'll take him for a walk later on and he'll want to eat syphilitic hobo condoms and I retch a little.
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Old 07-08-09, 07:51 AM   #4
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A lot of times I'll let my dog lick my face, then I'll take him for a walk later on and he'll want to eat syphilitic hobo condoms and I retch a little.
lollerz.....you win 1 internets for 'syphilitic hobo condoms'
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Old 07-08-09, 08:42 AM   #5
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My Beagle Mona used to eat her own poo.

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Old 07-08-09, 09:37 AM   #6
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I'm guessing he said some 'bad words' and was punishing himself since you weren't there to hear him say the bad words and punish him. Tell him what a good doggie he is.
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Old 07-08-09, 09:40 AM   #7
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By the way...one of the funniest things my dogs did a year or so ago was getting in to labels too. They got into the 'office' and managed to find and tear apart one of those packs of sticky labels you use to mark pages in a document.

When I got home they had the labels all over their bodies. I couldn't help but laugh my head off. I took some pics, but unfortunately most didn't show the labels very well. Here is the only one, I think, I saved.

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Old 07-08-09, 11:25 AM   #8
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My pupster is obsessive about her tennis balls, she'll sit and whine at the shelf for a while when I pick them up and put them away for the night. If I don't put them away, she'll stay awake and drop them on the pillow next to my face in an attempt to get me to play.
Thankfully, there's a company which makes mint-scented tennis balls so a) pupster's breath is a little better, and b) the tennis ball doesn't stink like dog slobber.
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Old 07-08-09, 11:50 AM   #9
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I'm guessing he said some 'bad words' and was punishing himself since you weren't there to hear him say the bad words and punish him. Tell him what a good doggie he is.
Mr. Market's dog is a very good dog. Big, but lovable.

And now, with fresh smelling breath!

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Old 07-08-09, 01:20 PM   #10
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The dog kept me up till FOUR AM, when I could no longer see straight. He musta puked at least a
dozen times last night while I was up, and twice after that my wife was kind enough to clean up.
I am tired and my head hurts. Ugh.
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