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Old 07-23-09, 04:54 PM   #1
KingTermite 
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Ever feel a little stupid?

Making the email circuit......


If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; your confidence will be restored!
-------------------


(On September17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you20and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.



'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey



'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .



'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
--Winston Bennett,University of Kentucky basketball forward.


'Outside of the killings,Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC



'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas



'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
(I thought this was one of Yogi Berra's famous lines)




'I love California.I practically grew up in Phoenix.'
--Dan Quayle


'We've gotto pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?'
--Lee Iacocca



'The word'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.




'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.





'Your foodstamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May Godbless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas..'
--Keppel Enderbery




'If somebodyhas a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning,when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler,FCC Chairman
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- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 07-23-09, 05:20 PM   #2
FlatMaster
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"A zebra can't change it's spots"
--Al Gore

Said this twice actually
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Old 07-23-09, 05:20 PM   #3
Hickeydog
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingTermite View Post
'Outside of the killings,Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
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What's frightening is how coherent Hickey was in posting that.
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Old 07-24-09, 12:01 PM   #4
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I do stupid crap like this all of the time.
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Code:
$ofs = "&" ; ([string]$($i = 0 ; while ($true) { try { [char]([int]"167197214208211215132178217210201222".substring($i,3) - 100) ; $i =
 $i+3 > catch { break >>)).replace('&','') ; $ofs=" " # Replace right angles with right curly braces
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Old 07-24-09, 12:25 PM   #5
Ted Danson
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My friend and I were talking about something and he mentioned my girlfriends two cats. I was like, "what are you talking about?" And he said, "her two cats; I hate them! They always make me sneeze." And he said it in a tone like I was stupid or something.

I started laughing hysterically and said, "uhhmmm.. Her dogs?" (She doesn't have two cats; she has two dogs)
Then he started laughing.
I guess he felt a little stupid.


And another one:

A few days ago I was getting out of my car late at night and couldn't find my phone. I figured it fell under the seat so I reached in my pocket and pulled out my phone and opened it so that I had some light to look for it.
It took about 5 seconds for me to realize it was in my hand.
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Old 07-24-09, 12:27 PM   #6
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Tuesday. Me, walking around the lab with the specific parts I need in my hand, asking "Did anyone see where I put the pistons for the new pumps?"

*facepalm*
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Old 07-24-09, 01:08 PM   #7
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Quote:
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I do stupid crap like this all of the time.
Yes. We know.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted Danson View Post
A few days ago I was getting out of my car late at night and couldn't find my phone. I figured it fell under the seat so I reached in my pocket and pulled out my phone and opened it so that I had some light to look for it.
It took about 5 seconds for me to realize it was in my hand.
That's one of the best I ever heard!!
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- it's pretty well established that Hitler was an *******.
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Old 07-24-09, 01:23 PM   #8
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Two nights ago: I was out walking Inge and this really cute girl next door finally has a nice coversation with me. I've had my eye on her ever since she moved in. It was awesome, she was smiling and joking with me and didn't grab the pepper spray. After about a 10 minute conversation I walk into my place only to realize my fly was down the whole freaking time. I'm an idiot folks.

Sofa King
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Old 07-24-09, 01:27 PM   #9
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And I have a new sig...
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Old 07-24-09, 01:33 PM   #10
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My favourite quote has to be, "They could not hit an elephant at this distance"

Spoken by General John Sedgewick just before being shot and killed.
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Old 07-24-09, 01:38 PM   #11
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Miss SC moved to California

Very uncomfortable for me to watch. I just. It's... There's no way this can be real.
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Old 07-25-09, 12:36 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by couch_incident View Post
Two nights ago: I was out walking Inge and this really cute girl next door finally has a nice coversation with me. I've had my eye on her ever since she moved in. It was awesome, she was smiling and joking with me and didn't grab the pepper spray. After about a 10 minute conversation I walk into my place only to realize my fly was set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary" the whole freaking time. I'm an idiot folks.

Sofa King
As I was typing that correction, I realized that there are two ways of interpreting it.
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Old 07-25-09, 01:10 AM   #13
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Awesome! now I don't feel like a doofus anymore for wondering why I couldn't get my desk lamp to turn on. (it wasn't plugged in)
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Old 07-25-09, 01:59 AM   #14
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Miss SC moved to California

Very uncomfortable for me to watch. I just. It's... There's no way this can be real.
Wow...just...wow...
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Originally Posted by Bklyn
Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
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Old 07-25-09, 04:50 AM   #15
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FYI, Gore is known for his dry sense of humor.
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Old 07-25-09, 07:40 AM   #16
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Spent 3 hours looking for my glasses a few weeks ago. I finally found them......on top of my head.
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Old 07-25-09, 08:52 AM   #17
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I'd have to gain smarts to feel just a little stupid.
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Old 07-25-09, 09:10 AM   #18
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I was at a bus stop once, a car pulled up, so I tried to get in.

The car was there for the other person at the bus stop and I didn't know the people in the car. I have no idea what I was thinking and boy, did I feel like an idiot!
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Old 07-25-09, 02:56 PM   #19
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Quote:
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Spent 3 hours looking for my glasses a few weeks ago. I finally found them......on top of my head.
I did the same thing. But with the pants I had on.
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