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Old 07-24-09, 05:41 AM   #1
recumelectric
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The dating game. Maybe you guys can explain.

So, I took all the great BF advice and dumped the boyfriend of many years. (Don't feel guilty, anyone, since it was just time for that to happen anyway.)

I'm at the point where I am seeking casual, no-pressure kind of dates/ friendships. I'm not seeking my soul-mate or anything. I just want to hang out with men who like the same things that I do, but not entirely in a platonic way. But the platonic part has to be there, too.

However, I am meeting guys on the extreme. They either want just one thing, or they want some deep longlasting love in their lives. I met one guy who seemed to have a lot of common interests, but he was about one thing, and one thing only. Not that that thing was bad , but I am am seeking casual companionship. There is another one who is all ready to dive into some big romance after a couple of dates, and I'm not feeling it at all with him. He's all ready to "take care of" some "little woman," and that's definitely not where I'm at. It's just one crazy extreme or the other.

I've been seeking relatively "normal" people who have their own lives, but have some time and interest for recreation.

So guys, tell me what is going on here. How do I find regular, decent people who want to ride bikes, and engage in a variety of other recreational activities? (I'm in a singles group already. All they want to do is drink right now.)
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Old 07-24-09, 06:56 AM   #2
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Match.com.
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Old 07-24-09, 07:13 AM   #3
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Just like "it was just time for that break up to happen" this to will happen too, stop trying so hard, when the time comes it will come.
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Old 07-24-09, 07:19 AM   #4
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So you are saying you just want a FWB?
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Old 07-24-09, 07:43 AM   #5
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Pictures please
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Old 07-24-09, 07:53 AM   #6
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Where are you at? I can promise you I don't really give a crap about either of those things.
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Old 07-24-09, 07:54 AM   #7
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Pictures please
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Old 07-24-09, 07:57 AM   #8
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I have no idea but I am planning on taking the same route in a few months.
After 13 years of marriage (the last 6 being terrible) I do not want anything serious. Just to play around and meet people. I hope I do not experience the same issue.
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Old 07-24-09, 08:08 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by recumelectric View Post
So, I took all the great BF advice and dumped the boyfriend of many years. (Don't feel guilty, anyone, since it was just time for that to happen anyway.)

I'm at the point where I am seeking casual, no-pressure kind of dates/ friendships. I'm not seeking my soul-mate or anything. I just want to hang out with men who like the same things that I do, but not entirely in a platonic way. But the platonic part has to be there, too.

However, I am meeting guys on the extreme. They either want just one thing, or they want some deep longlasting love in their lives. I met one guy who seemed to have a lot of common interests, but he was about one thing, and one thing only. Not that that thing was bad , but I am am seeking casual companionship. There is another one who is all ready to dive into some big romance after a couple of dates, and I'm not feeling it at all with him. He's all ready to "take care of" some "little woman," and that's definitely not where I'm at. It's just one crazy extreme or the other.

I've been seeking relatively "normal" people who have their own lives, but have some time and interest for recreation.

So guys, tell me what is going on here. How do I find regular, decent people who want to ride bikes, and engage in a variety of other recreational activities? (I'm in a singles group already. All they want to do is drink right now.)
Move to Tucson...

Oh come on! It had to be said!
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Obviously, the guy's like a 12th level white wizard or something. His mere presence is a danger to mortals.
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Old 07-24-09, 08:09 AM   #10
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You can beat around the bush and say you're "not looking for anything serious" but EVERY girl says that meaning something totally different. I met a girl who said that, and emphasised it, and within 2 weeks she wanted to be in commited relationship.

Don't blame guys, blame all your female friends before you for screwing with the male mind.
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Old 07-24-09, 08:10 AM   #11
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You'll have to go back to college.
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Old 07-24-09, 08:12 AM   #12
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I wonder - would age matter here? I am guessing the extremely young would only want the one thing or the lovey dovey stuff, and the older one gets the more companionship is important. I am speaking in tremendously general terms here of course, but wondering if that is something to consider when dating....
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Old 07-24-09, 08:13 AM   #13
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I was gonna ask "which desert are you in?"

I'm in the SAME situation... and have had the same type of situations. Maybe we should all wear a sign
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Old 07-24-09, 08:18 AM   #14
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I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

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Old 07-24-09, 08:19 AM   #15
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I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

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Old 07-24-09, 08:21 AM   #16
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I've been banned by five states and half of Canada for giving advice on relationships so take what I say with a grain of salt. With that said, just PM CrackerJab and your troubles will be over. I rest my case!

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Old 07-24-09, 08:31 AM   #17
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I was gonna ask "which desert are you in?"

I'm in the SAME situation... and have had the same type of situations. Maybe we should all wear a sign
"Here's your sign...."

(Sorry, but it had to be said).
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Old 07-24-09, 08:36 AM   #18
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Go to bike races and hit on the riders. Just remember, if a rider has a really expensive bike, only two possibilities exist:

he makes a lot of money or he spends every penny on his bike.

Either way, they'd be happy to give you your space, if you wanted it.
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Old 07-24-09, 08:37 AM   #19
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Met my wife on the web 8 years ago. Married 16 months later after meeting and I had moved from the west coast to the Southeast for 9 months after 7 months of online chat and phone calls. We did not live together during our dating period with me living out here by her for 9 months. Neither of us had been married before and don't have any children. I was 48, she was 42 when we wed. Still doing good.

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Old 07-24-09, 09:11 AM   #20
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Online dating? I went through similar problems when I did online dating and I did it for a long time.

Don't mention in any way that you want sex. Not in any way shape or form. If you do you'll get more players than you can shake a stick at.

Also don't go with the traditional sappy long walks on the beach, likes and dislikes, etc.....

Your best bet is to say you want an "activity partner" to ride bikes and such things with. You may still have to weed some out, but hopefully you'll get closer to what you are looking for.

Good luck.
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Old 07-24-09, 09:25 AM   #21
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Online dating? I went through similar problems when I did online dating and I did it for a long time.

Don't mention in any way that you want sex. Not in any way shape or form. If you do you'll get more players than you can shake a stick at.

Also don't go with the traditional sappy long walks on the beach, likes and dislikes, etc.....

Your best bet is to say you want an "activity partner" to ride bikes and such things with. You may still have to weed some out, but hopefully you'll get closer to what you are looking for.

Good luck.
Exactly what I did. We were both looking for lifelong commitments, as well as bike partners. Location was never an issue. She brought up sex. We left nothing undiscussed. Nothing. I wish the OP success in her endeavors.

I learned something long ago. If you want to meet a cop, go to the police station. Want to meet a librarian, go to the library. Want to meet a drunk, hang out at the bar. The math is simple. My wife is a Pharm D. "Met her on the web."

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Old 07-24-09, 09:44 AM   #22
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As a guy reading the original post coupled with others' inferences, and it really confuses me.

You want to be friends, but more than friends, but not more than friends. As someone else said, are you just looking to be "friends with benefits" with someone? If so, just say so. Plenty of people are into that. In fact, I find the whole "friends with benefits" thing to be pretty unattractive and I had a hard time finding people who were NOT into that when I was dating. Or you are willing to have sex with someone but you are confused when all they want is casual sex when it sounds like that is what you want, too?

I find this so confusing.
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Old 07-24-09, 09:50 AM   #23
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As someone else said, are you just looking to be "friends with benefits" with someone? If so, just say so.
No. That doesn't work.

She clearly stated she really wanted a friend....benefits may or may not come, depends on the attraction. It seems clear to me she's looking for someone to casually hang out and be friends with. A little intimacy on the side doesn't hurt.

However, if you state you want FWB, you get the dogs who want the B, but don't give a rats azz about the F part. Players who just want to "hit and run". That is what she's trying to avoid.
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Old 07-24-09, 09:53 AM   #24
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You are likely right, KT, but I totally got a different impression when I read parts of the OP.
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Old 07-24-09, 09:58 AM   #25
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You are likely right, KT, but I totally got a different impression when I read parts of the OP.
I'm very sympathetic because I was in this "predicament" for a long time myself. And its much more difficult for a guy because if you are friends with a girl and try to take the "benefits" step, they are much more suspicious of you. You most likely instantly look like sex perv with one thing on his mind who played the game in order to get in her pants.
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