Great Balls of Fire.. Flying spools of spunk and sweat. .. Motion causing objects to fly in opposite directions. The problems of sex in Outer Space. Who wants the experience.. ? Solutions.?
While most Psychology Today readers have slept in sleeping bags, the chances are good that not many of you have had sex in a sleeping bag--as long as we define "sex" as intercourse only.
And while astronauts have spent thousands of hours in space, NASA still claims to know nothing about things as simple as the impact of extended weightlessness on the male sexual docking device--as if male and female astronauts living in the space station haven't felt the desire to masturbate or fool around.
So let's look at sex in two very different frontiers with very different technologies, considering there's a bit more engineering that goes into a space shuttle or space station as opposed to a sleeping bag.
As for sex in a sleeping bag, an area of concern is the wet spot. That's why some campers pack condoms next to their dehydrated cheesy bacon spuds. Unfortunately, the condom is likely to taste better than the dehydrated meals a lot of people pack in. You also might consider including a few pet peepads or disposable hospital pads to wedge between your back-packing booty and sleeping bag proper.
There are competing schools of thought about sex in one bag versus zipping two bags together. The one-bag solution forces a more immediate can't-back-away-from-you-if-I-tried scenario, while two-bags-as-one might appeal more to campers who have already gotten the fantasy of mummy sex out of their systems.
While curious bears are not an issue in outer space, they are in some wilderness areas. I don't know if it's the sounds of the couple or the smells of the lovemaking that attract the bears, or maybe it's the scent on the peepads. Whatever the case, the only excuse for not carrying out stained pads and spent condoms is if a bear eats you.
As for intercourse in space, how many thrusts would it take before the woman went floating one way through the space capsule with her lover floating in the opposite direction? NASA engineers could place special handles throughout the space station to make space sex (Sput-nookie?) possible.
There's also the question of how to masturbate in outer space. While perhaps not as big a deal for female astronauts, what happens if a guy loses himself in the moment and a weightless wad of splooge goes flying through the space station? Does he throw a sock at it?
Some of you might be thinking this is all far fetched, just like people during the last Great Depression thought that going to the moon was far fetched. As for myself, I think that anyone who appreciates how splooge in space floats up rather than trickles down may have a better grasp on our nation's economy than the economists who have been guiding it.
Whether your sex is in the woods or out of this world, it can be both fun and thought-provoking to think about the challenges of doing it in environments that are not as familiar as our bedrooms.