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Old 08-05-09, 05:47 PM   #1
couch_incident
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A moment of Clarity

Foosters,


As you all know, your friend Couch is a thinker and a dreamer. These last few weeks I have been searching for a sentence that defines who I am. I was looking for a statement so simple and eloquent it would simply role off the tongue with grace and ease. A statement everyone could live by and use as a grounding rod. Yes, I asked myself to fulfill a very big task indeed. However, I felt I had to find this simple answer for mankind and that so you may understand me a little more.

Earlier today I found my answer. I decided to take a smoke break, even though I do not smoke. While sitting outside and talking to my co-worker Bob, a beautiful creature walked passed us. I presume she is a college student, as there are several colleges around the Pittsburgh area. When she walked passed I had to catch my breath and relax. My heart was pounding and my hands couldn’t stop shacking. I was besides myself and could almost feel my soul leaving my body. It was a very intense situation and I will never forget it. (By the way, Bob didn’t notice my moment of Clarity. He was too busy explaining to me why he just purchased a coupon book. He’s all about saving money folks and not finding his soul)

I really thank the cute girl that walked past. I didn’t need to attend a self help training class to find my sentence. No hack science fiction writers to worship or send money too as well. The answer was always there with her. The sentence that now defines Couch_Incident is simple and contains such simple grace. The sentence is, “Me so horny!”

Fin

Couch
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Old 08-05-09, 06:04 PM   #2
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"Wow that was disappointing"
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Old 08-05-09, 06:08 PM   #3
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There is only one word to describe you: ding-dong.
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Old 08-05-09, 06:15 PM   #4
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Well couch, I can understand. But it's not really an epiphany; I've known this about myself and every other man I know for a long, long time.

It's also much more common in women than society is willing to admit.

The real task is to build the oh-so-badly-needed bridge between the two.

If you make any progress on that let me know, will ya?
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Old 08-05-09, 06:21 PM   #5
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Why are you all mocking me about my deep spiritual experience? I really thought you would all understand. Guess not.

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Old 08-05-09, 06:49 PM   #6
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Now that you know what defines you, what's your goal?
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Old 08-05-09, 06:52 PM   #7
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Now that you know what defines you, what's your goal?
My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

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Old 08-05-09, 07:04 PM   #8
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Why are you all mocking me about my deep spiritual experience? I really thought you would all understand. Guess not.

Couch
Sorry. We're pretty slow.

Here is a hint for next time: Draw us a cartoon with stick figures and crayons. That will get your point across.
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Old 08-05-09, 07:05 PM   #9
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My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

Couch
I tried that in high school. It was a miserable failure. I hope you do better.

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Old 08-05-09, 07:09 PM   #10
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I tried that in high school. It was a miserable failure. I hope you do better.

If I figure it out, you can be my 4th in charge. I've allready lined up a few ahead of you. However, you will be richly rewarded. Now go spread the word of Horninessness.

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Old 08-05-09, 07:25 PM   #11
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My moment of clarity came a while back. BTW, this is a true story...

I had followed Morrissey around to several different locals. I saw him in for the first time in my life in Columbus. I was floored. My life was forever changed. After Columbus, I followed him to the God-Awful city of Ann Arbor. Thank God I was able to escape Michigan and spend the night in luxurious Toledo! Then, while visiting my brother, I went to see Morrissey in Norfolk, Virginia.

I watched the show in awe. I really did not think I would ever see Morrissey live again. Much too soon, the encore begins. I look around and figure let's do it. I was going to be a stage invader.

I fight my way to the front of the stage. Another person goes up - the 300+pound guard goes after him. It's finally my chance. I get on the stage and run towards Morrissey. He reaches out his hand and I shake it.

"You saved my life."

No sooner than I got the words out the 300+ pound guard tackled me. My head hit the wooden floor with a thud. I rolled off the stage.

I spent most of the night vomiting from the concussion.

Since then, my attitude about life has gotten better.
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Old 08-05-09, 07:29 PM   #12
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My moment of clarity came a while back. BTW, this is a true story...

I had followed Morrissey around to several different locals. I saw him in for the first time in my life in Columbus. I was floored. My life was forever changed. After Columbus, I followed him to the God-Awful city of Ann Arbor. Thank God I was able to escape Michigan and spend the night in luxurious Toledo! Then, while visiting my brother, I went to see Morrissey in Norfolk, Virginia.

I watched the show in awe. I really did not think I would ever see Morrissey live again. Much too soon, the encore begins. I look around and figure let's do it. I was going to be a stage invader.

I fight my way to the front of the stage. Another person goes up - the 300+pound guard goes after him. It's finally my chance. I get on the stage and run towards Morrissey. He reaches out his hand and I shake it.

"You saved my life."

No sooner than I got the words out the 300+ pound guard tackled me. My head hit the wooden floor with a thud. I rolled off the stage.

I spent most of the night vomiting from the concussion.

Since then, my attitude about life has gotten better.
So, are you are saying you are horny for Morrissey? Damn dude, you are a ****.

Couch
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Old 08-05-09, 07:32 PM   #13
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That wasn't an epiphany couch...it was all the blood rushing away from your brain to nether regions....just sayin'.
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Old 08-05-09, 07:42 PM   #14
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That wasn't an epiphany couch...it was all the blood rushing away from your brain to nether regions....just sayin'.
I never stated it was an epiphany Wordbiker, I said it was a Moment of Clarity.

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Old 08-05-09, 08:07 PM   #15
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I never stated it was an epiphany Wordbiker, I said it was a Moment of Cialis.

Couch
Enhanced that for ya.
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Old 08-05-09, 09:35 PM   #16
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The only sure cure for your Moment of Clarity is to get married. That will take away all those feelings and squeeze them into a tight little bitter ball.
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Old 08-05-09, 10:05 PM   #17
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I cant take it anymore, which coupon book?
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Old 08-06-09, 12:03 AM   #18
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Your epiphany was duly noted, horny is good ... and not so good - so keep thinking there sir - I'm sure you'll discover an answer to that age old question.

And 'scuse me whilst I take my bath now (water's been running for nearly an hours, stupid pipe)
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Old 08-06-09, 08:08 AM   #19
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I tried that in high school. It was a miserable failure. I hope you do better.

It worked for L.Ron (no please don't move this to P&R!)
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Old 08-06-09, 08:29 AM   #20
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Couch:

Me love you long time

Jsharr

PS: My defining statement is: "Don't put your lips on it"


MAY BE NSFW!
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-06-09, 09:24 AM   #21
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Your epiphany was duly noted, horny is good ... and not so good - so keep thinking there sir - I'm sure you'll discover an answer to that age old question.

And 'scuse me whilst I take my bath now (water's been running for nearly an hours, stupid pipe)
Pix of you in the bath or it didn't happen.

Couch
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Old 08-06-09, 09:28 AM   #22
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Couch:

Me love you long time

Jsharr

PS: My defining statement is: "Don't put your lips on it"

YouTube - Hardmaps What the hell is that!

MAY BE NSFW!
ROFLLL
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Old 08-06-09, 10:03 AM   #23
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My plan is to start my own religion. I'll make billions.

Couch
You should get that book by L. Ron Hubbard. I forget the name of it, but before he ever started Scientology he had, I think, one of his Sci-Fi books as a story about a man who becomes rich by starting a fake religion.
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Old 08-06-09, 10:10 AM   #24
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you should get that book by l. Ron hubbard. I forget the name of it, but before he ever started scientology he had, i think, one of his sci-fi books as a story about a man who becomes rich by starting a fake religion.
^^

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Old 08-06-09, 12:33 PM   #25
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ʎuɹoɥ os əɯ
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