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Old 08-06-09, 02:58 PM   #1
UnsafeAlpine
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You're not as awesome as you think.

Here's a list of people who are so much better than you. They looked death in the face, and spit on him. Then, we he really came after him, they grapped him, picked him up, and pulled a backbreaker on him.

That's right. These people are cooler than you.

Warning: Language. (Did I really need to spell that out for you?)
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Old 08-06-09, 03:03 PM   #2
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I must confess, how a guy sawed of his own arm stumps me.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:06 PM   #3
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I must confess, how a guy sawed of his own arm stumps me.
Musta been between a rock and a hard place.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:08 PM   #4
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Here's a list of people who are so much better than you. They looked death in the face, and spit on him. Then, we he really came after him, they grapped him, picked him up, and pulled a backbreaker on him.

That's right. These people are cooler than you.

Warning: Language. (Did I really need to spell that out for you?)
Holy ****! is all that can be said, about each and everyone of those stories!
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Old 08-06-09, 03:08 PM   #5
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I must confess, how a guy sawed of his own arm stumps me.
when its life or death, you do what you have to do....but I would have left one big pile of feces and piss there if it was me.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:11 PM   #6
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Musta been between a rock and a hard place.
I'm sure it sucks no matter how you slice it.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:11 PM   #7
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Rad Badical
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Old 08-06-09, 03:14 PM   #8
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Wow....I'm not sure what's better: the awesome stories or the hilarious way the author wrote them.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:19 PM   #9
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Alexis Goggins, Invincible Girl

Who was she?

Just an ordinary first grader, attending classes, hanging with her friends.

How She Stared Down Death:

She had to save her mom from some crazy dude. She did this by jumping in front of him and taking six bullets, point blank, including a couple to the head.

It started when some lowlife kidnapped Alexis and her mom (OK, the lowlife was the mom's boyfriend). The mother tried to stall the bad guy and managed to call 911, but the cops said they couldn't send anyone. Apparently they were all busy with more farcked up situations than a man holding a child hostage at gunpoint.

It was at this point that the gunman decided he should stamp his passport into hell and started shooting. Two bullets struck the mother before little Alexis dove between them, begging the shooter to stop. Without hesitation, he shot six times, little Alexis taking the bullets that would have killed her mother. By this time the cops arrived, as they figured things were getting really serious because now someone was actually shooting.

Alexis thought about dying for a second then decided she still had some **** to do. Death could only watch as she grabbed her stuff and headed back to the land of the living, despite some serious injuries that would have killed most of us twice and some of us three times.

This would be jaw-droppingly impressive for a 250-pound Marine combat vet, let alone a seven-year-old girl. And while we would like to cling to our original theory that she's actually an immortal Highlander, the truth is this seven-year-old girl is simply more man than we'll ever be.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:20 PM   #10
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I love the writing style a great deal... and this is serious ****.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:25 PM   #11
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i thought there was a new bf rule about bad puns.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:40 PM   #12
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But it was winter and the side of the mountain was frozen solid. That must have been like falling 33,000 and TEN feet....
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Old 08-06-09, 03:55 PM   #13
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Regardless of what anyone else has accomplished, I am still every bit as awesome as I think.
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Old 08-06-09, 03:57 PM   #14
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Awesome people!
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Old 08-06-09, 04:05 PM   #15
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Regardless of what anyone else has accomplished, I am still every bit as awesome as I think.
You should find a low self esteem. I am more awesome than how awesome I think I am (or something like that).
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Old 08-06-09, 04:21 PM   #16
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I must confess, how a guy sawed of his own arm stumps me.
A friend wound up next to that guy on another climb; if he had it to do over again, he said he'd have cut his hand off sooner, before he dulled the knife by spending days chipping at that damn rock.
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Old 08-06-09, 09:53 PM   #17
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I once removed a sliver from my finger and barely even cried after the first hour.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-06-09, 09:56 PM   #18
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I once removed a sliver from my finger and barely even cried after the first hour.
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Old 08-06-09, 09:56 PM   #19
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You should find a low self esteem. I am more awesome than how awesome I think I am (or something like that).
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Old 08-06-09, 09:56 PM   #20
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I once removed my finger from a sliver and barely even cried after the first hour.

fixed to describe your first sexual experience.


And yes, you are awesome.
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Old 08-06-09, 09:59 PM   #21
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fixed to describe your first sexual experience.


And yes, you are awesome.
I thank you, oh great islander.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 08-06-09, 10:04 PM   #22
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I thank you, oh great islander.

I am but a mirror, only as awesome as the dudes I reflect.
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Old 08-06-09, 10:07 PM   #23
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I am but a mirror, only as awesome as the dudes I reflect.
sha-blam!
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Old 08-06-09, 10:54 PM   #24
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I must confess, how a guy sawed of his own arm stumps me.
Aron Ralston is hot. And has incredible cojones. OMG.
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you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p
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Old 08-07-09, 08:19 AM   #25
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I'd imagine the guy who cut his arm off was already in serious amounts of pain from the rock landing on it, that cutting it off was just pain slightly further up his arm.

But still. I know I'd have the balls to do it, but I'd be afraid right after I cut my arm off, a bunch of people would show up and wondering why I cut arm since they could have moved the rock for me.
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