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Old 09-18-09, 08:32 AM   #1
banerjek
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Would this get you in trouble with your wife/hubby/SO?

Without going into mind numbing detail, I am in a situation where it really makes logistical sense if a coworker spends the night in a spare room in our house, and I take her to her final destination tomorrow morning. There are other potential solutions, but they are either awkward and/or require some degree of sleep deprivation while leaving some large dogs unattended in the house longer than they should.

Normally, this would be no problem at all, except my wife is out of town working on a project. I'm not stupid -- I made sure she knows exactly what's going on. In addition, she can keep track of me if I like. My phone broadcasts my location, we have a webcam that gives time/lapse so she would know what I was doing when. She's met my coworker and her husband.

Just since I know someone will ask, yes, the woman is hot. And we are good friends. She is also is 16 years younger than me. My attitude is that I've been reliable and inclined to stay out of trouble for a long time. Even when I was in my 20's, young hotties were never drawn to me. I can't imagine that I've become more attractive to them now that what little hair hasn't fallen out is graying. Women are sometimes flirty with me, but I think it's because I'm harmless.

While my wife has agreed to the arrangement, my spidey sense tells me she'd rather I opted for sleep deprivation and risked letting the canine mayhem reduce the house to rubble. I could do this. I could also make sure I don't start the evening with a loaded gun so to speak. But I also don't want to encourage misplaced concerns that will make both of us crazy. I figure what keeps me out of trouble is my attitude and not the circumstances on any particular day.

Anyway, what's the consensus? Womens' opinions are especially interesting to me on this issue.
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Old 09-18-09, 08:33 AM   #2
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Wife out of town = put co worker up in a nearby hotel room for the night.
unless you just enjoy being grilled to death by a questioning wife when she gets home and the neighbor tells her what she saw.
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Old 09-18-09, 08:45 AM   #3
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Wife out of town = put co worker up in a nearby hotel room for the night.
unless you just enjoy being grilled to death by a questioning wife when she gets home and the neighbor tells her what she saw.
Neighbors have been informed already. Trying to be sneaky would be the ultimate in stupidity here. I could put the coworker up in a hotel -- the reason she wouldn't be putting herself up is that her credit card was stolen while she was returning from a trip across the country.

I'm thinking that if such measures are really necessary, coworker logistics are not the real problem. Or am I just dense/naive?
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Old 09-18-09, 08:46 AM   #4
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Neighbors have been informed already. Trying to be sneaky would be the ultimate in stupidity here. I could put the coworker up in a hotel -- the reason she wouldn't be putting herself up is that her credit card was stolen while she was returning from a trip across the country.

I'm thinking that if such measures are really necessary, coworker logistics are not the real problem. Or am I just dense/naive?
dunno. I do know, you aint married to Mrs. MV.
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Old 09-18-09, 08:49 AM   #5
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Iím voting itís a bad idea. Not necessarily that you or your coworker would cause any problems, but it leaves open the perception that something could or did happen. Not only do you have to deal with your wife, but what about your work environment? This could be the start of a bad rumor at the office that could mess up some reputations.
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Old 09-18-09, 08:52 AM   #6
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My wife wouldn't care. Trust. She goes to concerts with a male friend of IRS and they share a hotel room. If you trust each other, and it sounds like you have a Bond movies worth of spy gear, why not? Or don't you trust yourself?
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Old 09-18-09, 08:56 AM   #7
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Wife out of town = put co worker up in a nearby hotel room for the night.
unless you just enjoy being grilled to death by a questioning wife when she gets home and the neighbor tells her what she saw.
I agree. If you can put her up in a hotel, that is simpler and less cause for speculation. Your gut feel is there for a reason. As for taking her to her final destination, can a van service do that?

I'm female and probably wouldn't want to accept this from a male coworker even if I knew that he was a good guy and had also told his wife everything so she knew, etc. I just wouldn't want any burden put on him where people might have a reason to speculate. You said that your neighbors had been informed, but what about other people you know who might happen to drive by as the woman is coming or going?
If she were sensitive to your situation, she wouldn't accept staying in your house. She would take the hotel option and offer to pay you back later. The situation is vague enough that who knows what the other "awkward" options are, so I'm basing this on what things you have shared here.
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Old 09-18-09, 08:57 AM   #8
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I'm going to vote bad idea. The fact that you're even asking should give you the answer!

Save yourself the misery down the road: Pop for the hotel -- hope that you get paid back -- and if not, consider it cheap insurance for not having to deal with the wife, neighbors, co-workers always wondering if something happened.

What does HER husband say?
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Old 09-18-09, 08:59 AM   #9
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You still won't get any sleep - you'll lay awake all night thinking about slipping into the other room.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:01 AM   #10
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Let her stay at your house and you sleep out back in the dog house. It will be good practice.
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:02 AM   #11
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wow, interesting.......ill be looking forward to see how this one turns out.....

i guess it comes down to how much you trust yourself, because it sounds like you and your wife trust each other alot, so how well do you think you can do is the real question?
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Old 09-18-09, 09:07 AM   #12
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Wife out of town = put co worker up in a nearby hotel room for the night.
unless you just enjoy being grilled to death by a questioning wife when she gets home and the neighbor tells her what she saw.
THIS. There is no other option. Seriously. This is the best advice I have ever seen given on BF.

ETA: You may trust each other 100%, but if, in the future, there are ever issues or problems, you having a female coworker sleep over while she was out of town will be the equivalent of a 500 megaton nuclear weapon.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:10 AM   #13
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Hummmm...what would CrackerJab do?
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Old 09-18-09, 09:14 AM   #14
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Hummmm...what would CrackerJab do?
I was just about to chime in and say she can stay at my place.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:25 AM   #15
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THIS. There is no other option. Seriously. This is the best advice I have ever seen given on BF.

ETA: You may trust each other 100%, but if, in the future, there are ever issues or problems, you having a female coworker sleep over while she was out of town will be the equivalent of a 500 megaton nuclear weapon.

Only 500 megatons??

ETA: There are also things that could come up, like the coworker telling her friends stories like "yeah, can you believe it? My credit card was stolen! and while returning from a cross-country trip no less! But Banerjek was really cool and let me stay at his place on the way back".

Now she probably isn't going to broadcast that at the office and she might not even want to. She may even realize it puts you in a awkward situation if she does. However, what if she mentions it to a close friend thinking it's just a harmless comment? The other person then knows and can do whatever he/she wants with that information. It's out of your control.

It's not worth it.

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Old 09-18-09, 09:28 AM   #16
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sounds like you don't trust yourself... amiright?

Stay sober, go to bed early and lock your bedroom door.

Also, webcam & tracking cell phone? holy ***** I never want to get married.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:32 AM   #17
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I personally don't see a problem here. Let her stay if you don't think there will be a problem. I let attractive female friends stay with me all the time and nothing goes on as they are just friends. And this is coming from me.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:34 AM   #18
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cj = define nothing. Or should I look it up on urbandictionary?
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:36 AM   #19
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sounds like you don't trust yourself... amiright?

Stay sober, go to bed early and lock your bedroom door.

Also, webcam & tracking cell phone? holy ***** I never want to get married.
I guess bones_mcb, sees the dog house before the ring is ever a twinkle in his eye
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Old 09-18-09, 09:36 AM   #20
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I would be drawn, quartered, set on fire, and all my bicycles ran over by her Chevy Cavalier for even suggesting it.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:42 AM   #21
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Hummmm...what would CrackerJab do?
I wasn't the only person thinking that.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:43 AM   #22
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I guess bones_mcb, sees the dog house before the ring is ever a twinkle in his eye
It's more about the lack of freedom. For example: Saturday the gf wants me to chill but i have plans to ride. Bones just wants to ride, why is that an issue? Pleasing 2 people is a lot harder than pleasing yourself.... that doesnt sound right

But TS I think deep down you know whether or not this a bad idea. I'm guessing you're attacted to this lady, and whether or not you think something will happen you're putting yourself in a situation where something COULD happen. Dangerous game my friend.
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Old 09-18-09, 09:44 AM   #23
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I agree with the consensus. Either the coworker is in a hotel, or you are in a hotel (probably for a week or so) It would be different if your wife was home. But it she stays at your home with you there, this WILL BE AMMUNTION for your next fight. And there is always a next fight.

(I find it hard to believe that MV gave such good advice!!)
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Old 09-18-09, 09:55 AM   #24
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My wife wouldn't care. Trust. She goes to concerts with a male friend of IRS and they share a hotel room. If you trust each other, and it sounds like you have a Bond movies worth of spy gear, why not? Or don't you trust yourself?
Spy gear is for other purposes. The phone locator is so my wife knows where I am when I'm riding -- I often go out for 5-8 hrs. Also so she knows when I'll be home from work. Cams are to watch the doggies.

I'm trying to get my mind wrapped around why this is always a problem. Her project lasts a long time -- she's been gone a month already and we have two to go. When looking at housing possibilities, she rejected one of them because she'd basically just have a room in some guy's house. She figured that would bug me, but it didn't. I figured she should just go by price and how much she liked it. If I have to worry about her hooking up with some random guy, I'm already screwed.

As far as gossip at work goes, this would not be the first time that's happened to me and it doesn't bother me. In fact, I actually provoke the knuckleheads on purpose sometimes. My wife knows this and usually finds it to be funny. The vibe I'm picking up in this case is not the same -- in the other situations, she's been friends with the other women for a long time.

Sounds like I need to go with plan B. I find the fact that the circumstances look suspicious both amusing and somewhat flattering. If only I could attract the chickies so easily years back when I actually wanted to...

Thanks for the ideas though. It's pretty clear where the vast majority of people stand on this.
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Old 09-18-09, 10:01 AM   #25
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Wouldn't be an issue for me.
After a point-to-point double century last year I crashed out in the living room at a female friend's house. My fiancee had no problem with this.
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