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Old 09-28-09, 07:44 PM   #1
Siu Blue Wind
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Things you've done to skirt your way out of trouble.

...........?..........
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-28-09, 07:46 PM   #2
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My whole life? Hard to figure how to narrow it down beyond that.

However, I do highly recommend owning a smoke machine.

jim
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Old 09-28-09, 07:52 PM   #3
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skirt? This thread is biased against men.

Aside for a few years while in college, I have been very careful about not letting myself relinquish control of my actions.

Fifty years, zero broken bones - I feel somewhat successful.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:00 PM   #4
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skirt? This thread is biased against men.
Not really...
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Old 09-28-09, 08:06 PM   #5
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My whole life? Hard to figure how to narrow it down beyond that.

However, I do highly recommend owning a smoke machine.

jim
I am presently dealing with someone's Smoke Machine and it sucks. Some folks have lying down to an art. They wear people down with it to get their way.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:08 PM   #6
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Make 'em laugh.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:08 PM   #7
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I am presently dealing with someone's Smoke Machine and it sucks. Some folks have lying down to an art. They wear people down with it to get their way.
Liars suck. I, however, was talking about an actual smoke machine. A machine that makes smoke. If no one can ever see clearly, they can't clearly see what I am doing.

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Old 09-28-09, 08:10 PM   #8
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If the cop didn't see it, I didn't do it.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:11 PM   #9
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I told the truth.

I got pulled over for "switching lanes without signaling and driving erratically". When asked why I was doing that I told the cop that I was racing that frikken Mustang that just got away because he pulled me over.

He got a kick out of that and told me it was safer to race at the Ocean Beach Strip after 10pm.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:13 PM   #10
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Wait. Lying to cops counts? Oh man. Then I am a huge liar.

jim
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Old 09-28-09, 08:19 PM   #11
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My whole life? Hard to figure how to narrow it down beyond that.

However, I do highly recommend owning a smoke machine.

jim
You may be in luck, as it just so happens, the old Indian friend that I was using my machine to send text messages to, is no longer in my circle, so I have one I'll sell ya, for cheap.

Ya might want to wash the little nozzle tip on the end of the bellows thing, though. Just sayin...
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Old 09-28-09, 08:30 PM   #12
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I told the truth.
You know, back in my younger days, I found that if I told the baldfaced truth and appeared to be contrite and willing to accept the consequences, I could unsling my fanny. It worked many times.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:34 PM   #13
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If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Or, at the very least, toss you into a giant vat of skin lotion and give you a chance to not soften to death.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:47 PM   #14
Siu Blue Wind
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GAWD this thread is FAIL!!
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We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 09-28-09, 08:49 PM   #15
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GAWD this thread is FAIL!!
Its Monday. People are too busy nursing their weekend hangovers to be witty.

Although a true friend is someone who says, when you finally get sprung from a Mexican jail, "Hey, that was fun. Let's do that next year!"
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Old 09-28-09, 09:26 PM   #16
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I got in a high speed police chase and was able to talk it down to a blown out tail light.
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Old 09-28-09, 09:30 PM   #17
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Wise man say: scared kid will always beat cop in a footrace.

Cars are a handicap. Bikes are okay. But, your feet can solve lots of life's problems.
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Old 09-28-09, 11:02 PM   #18
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BTW I was kidding.
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Old 09-28-09, 11:29 PM   #19
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GAWD this thread is FAIL!!
rule number 1: don't talk about fight club
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Old 09-28-09, 11:45 PM   #20
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For me, skirts have been nothing but trouble.
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Old 09-29-09, 12:10 AM   #21
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I got pulled over on I5 as I was driving to visit my boyfriend. The conversation went something like this:

CHP officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: no sir. I was just keeping my eyes on the road and going with the flow of traffic
CHP: no you weren't! I clocked the ambulance doing 80 and you caught it. You were pulling the pack!

[he goes back to his car to do who knows what...meanwhile I'm doing the math and thinking if the ambulance was doing 80 and I caught it then how fast was I going?? Oh no. This is going to be expensive. Officer comes back a few minutes later. I look and see that he isn't wearing a ring on the left hand, so I figure maybe I have a chance here...]

Me: officer, can I ask for a discount on this ticket for having attended the citizen's policy academy in my town?
CHP: [gruff voice] there's no such thing as a discount.
me: [oh no! is he mad???]
CHP: but I'll tell you what I'll do. I will write down that you were doing 80 mph instead of what you were actually doing.
Me: what will that mean?
CHP: It means you can do traffic school instead of paying a $350 fine.
Me: Awesome! Thank you officer.
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Old 09-29-09, 12:57 AM   #22
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I don't skirt my way out of trouble. I pants my way out of trouble. Think about it. If a person is going to yell at you, and you pants them before they can do it, you're pretty much going to leave them speechless.

I broke a piece on a display item back when I worked in retail for a summer. I went to the nearest hardware store on my lunch break to get parts to fix it.

Actually, in retrospect I doubt I would have been in trouble had I just admitted what happened, but I'd specifically asked to prepare the display because I was new and I wanted to show I was a gung ho and capable. I was horrified that I'd screwed up. As is, I was admonished for taking so long to get the display ready (mainly to fix the damage).
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Old 09-29-09, 07:45 AM   #23
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I hid in a tree. For 14 hours.

I was 8 when I did that.
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Old 09-29-09, 07:47 AM   #24
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Face transplant, tooth exchange and finger tip removal
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Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.
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Old 09-29-09, 08:29 AM   #25
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Lied like a rug

came clean and copped to what I did

ran like hell

hid in the woods

blamed someone else

etc etc it all depends on the situation

My favorite - and this has worked several times - is when confronting someone who is incensed for whatever reason and wants to kick your ass, you just smile and put your hand on their arm and swiftly charm the snot out of them. I don't know why, but this always seems to work.
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