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  1. #1
    Senior Member ummbnb's Avatar
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    Hey all you Foo'sters with Great Marriages

    I need a reality check to get myself past a case of the grass is greeners - a resurging of my independent nature and seemingly innate personal preference for singlehood over marriage.

    In recognizing that no relationship is perfect and we all choose our battles and how to prioritize on a daily basis. What brings you contentment in the every-day reality of your relationship? What is your balance?
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    Biking and Baking!

    Stop by the Park Hill Bike Depot at 28th and Fairfax in Denver, donate that old or outgrown kids or adult bike and order your dream bike! Your donation is tax deductible and all procedes go to fund educational, safety and bike access programs.

  2. #2
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    Interesting question. I am in a very happy marriage of 23 years. There are no secrets to how it works. It is not that it either works or doesn't. It is that both partners have to work to a common goal. There is no hers or mine, only ours. We have a good life together. I don't see other pastures as greener.
    Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're probably right

  3. #3
    KombuchaCHIC Shadiyah's Avatar
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    There has to be love and compassion on both sides, or it doesn't work, imo. I find balance in the things that made me happy before I married: dance, music, personal hobbies, etc. We also find that going out and getting exercise together when things get hard make a huge difference.

  4. #4
    K2ProFlex baby! ilikebikes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ummbnb View Post
    I need a reality check to get myself past a case of the grass is greeners - a resurging of my independent nature and seemingly innate personal preference for singlehood over marriage.

    In recognizing that no relationship is perfect and we all choose our battles and how to prioritize on a daily basis. What brings you contentment in the every-day reality of your relationship? What is your balance?
    Turns out John was right, all you need is love, no bull****, if you really truly love you SO (and he/she you) you'll be fine, if you find yourself straying in any way shape or form and it gets worse chances are you don't want to be in a real relationship. (27 year marriage for me and still going.)
    You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve

  5. #5
    Mystery Meat gitarzan's Avatar
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    Don't fight over petty stuff. And almost everything is petty.

  6. #6
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
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    We have been married for more than 29 years now. The key, is keep talking, and realize no one is perfect, especially you. I am daily grateful that my wife loves me in spite of my "issues", and she feels the same way.

    When both are working to make it work, loving and forgiving, you have a wonderful thing.

    And if the grass seems greener else where, you might try fertilizing and watering more...

  7. #7
    Senior Member WilliamK1974's Avatar
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    I'm having some marriage problems right now, but one thing I'm learning from it all is that open communication is a must. I felt like we had that, but as it turns out, we hold back alot of things from each other because whatever it is might hurt feelings. You can be sensitive and direct at the same time.

    Also, just from doing a bit of research and talking to some long-time marrieds, sometimes you both have to realize that being in love isn't always about starry-eyed romantic stuff and having fun each and every day or weekend. There's alot of work involved. Sometimes the work can be very unpleasant. The couples that seem to last for years are the ones who recognize that and they stay married in part cause they've made a commitment to the other person. That said, those that can know sometimes stress relief is needed, even if all it is is taking a walk together around the neighborhood.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Short timer of 10 years here. We unite against the onslaught that is children, come together when feeling amorous, but pretty much ignore each other. If it weren't for the interwebz, we would have killed each other a long time ago.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Ride what and in what manner pleases you. Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. srsly.
    Community guidelines

  9. #9
    But on the road more MTBLover's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crtreedude View Post
    And if the grass seems greener else where, you might try fertilizing and watering more...
    Roger that . Sometimes hard to do, but it does work.

  10. #10
    Dirt Bomb sknhgy's Avatar
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    We've been married since '92. Sherry and I are low-keyed people. We give each other lots of space. It's nothing for me to take off for the day and go riding or rooting in the woods while she stays home and watches tv. We don't spend a lot of money. We eat supper together EVERYDAY. She's a hardcore lib and I'm a right-wing-nut. We discuss politics but we don't argue. I would like to have some flashy bimbo to f*** but the old girl will do. I am deeply grateful to have her in my life.

  11. #11
    Senior Member GP's Avatar
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    I give her money.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
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    All happy marriages described above probably also involve the guy putting the seat and lid down

  13. #13
    Super Moderator no1mad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snicklefritz View Post
    All happy marriages described above probably also involve the guy putting the seat and lid down
    *raises hand*

    One bathroom, 6 people. The oldest (me) and the youngest (my son) are the only males. The lid stays down to save my sanity.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Ride what and in what manner pleases you. Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. srsly.
    Community guidelines

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snicklefritz View Post
    All happy marriages described above probably also involve the guy putting the seat and lid down
    *doesn't raise hand* It's just not a big deal here. If the seat is up and needs to be down, whoever needs it moved will move it.

    Talking is key. Discuss problems when they are small, before they become big. Be cognizant that no one is perfect and we just do the best we can. Crap happens, deal with it. Is that enough cliches? They're all accurate though.

    It's also very important that you get time apart to pursue your own goals. My wife and I each get one weekend day for whatever we want. Usually, it's a ride. Yesterday she went. Today I did. One of us has to be home with the kids. It works out well for us.

    15 years married here and we're still very much in love.
    -------

    Some sort of pithy irrelevant one-liner should go here.

  15. #15
    Free @coasting RUOkie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoelS View Post
    *doesn't raise hand* It's just not a big deal here. If the seat is up and needs to be down, whoever needs it moved will move it.

    Talking is key. Discuss problems when they are small, before they become big. Be cognizant that no one is perfect and we just do the best we can. Crap happens, deal with it. Is that enough cliches? They're all accurate though.

    It's also very important that you get time apart to pursue your own goals. My wife and I each get one weekend day for whatever we want. Usually, it's a ride. Yesterday she went. Today I did. One of us has to be home with the kids. It works out well for us.

    15 years married here and we're still very much in love.
    What he said! (except we don't have kids!)
    Quote Originally Posted by Herbie53 View Post
    Being full of crap and depositing it here consistently is really nothing to be proud of.

  16. #16
    Senior Member ummbnb's Avatar
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    Thanks all. Balance among family, career and self aren't an issue at all. We're very good at it. I'm not interested in someone else, or even the idea of someone else. I'm just...well, I've never been very good at marriage - long term relationships in general. Honestly, my ideal would be to live as neighbors. We actually have a house plan which is essentially a duplex with shared family room at the back. But we don't have the funds to build it and lord knows if we ever will. Once and awhile I just have to be reminded why I did this, again.
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    Biking and Baking!

    Stop by the Park Hill Bike Depot at 28th and Fairfax in Denver, donate that old or outgrown kids or adult bike and order your dream bike! Your donation is tax deductible and all procedes go to fund educational, safety and bike access programs.

  17. #17
    Cycler Suzie Green's Avatar
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    Friends first....partners second.

  18. #18
    Sprockette wabbit's Avatar
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    I think a lot of people get married to people they don't know very well, and that's where it starts. They have non stop sex for a few weeks and think they're SOULMATES. Well, when you're in your early 20s you can have non stop sex....a lot of people get married too young too. They think it's always going to be the same and then when it's not, when kids come along, they write it off as a big disappointment.
    You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. That's great...if you want to attract vermin.

  19. #19
    You Know!? For Kids! jsharr's Avatar
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    Love your wife selflessly. Love is not earned, it is given, with no expectation of getting something in return. Be a student of your wife, observe and listen and then act. Treat your wife like you did when you were still pursuing her for her hand in marriage.

    If you are a man of faith and read, try the 5 Love Languages by Chapman or Love Must be Tough by Dobson.

    My marriage is far from perfect, in fact it was recently teetering on the edge of disaster. A happy, healthy marriage is hard work. Best of luck. The rewards are well worth the effort.
    Are you a registered member? Why not? Click here to register. It's free and only takes 27 seconds! Help out the forums, abide by our community guidelines.
    Quote Originally Posted by colorider View Post
    Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

  20. #20
    Senior Member
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    I don't think that everyone is cut out for marriage. Some people yearn for it and others do not. I think A LOT of people get married because they think they have to/it's a fact of life/their family wants it, or one person presses for it and the other just goes along with it even though they don't really want to.

  21. #21
    Dances With Cars TRaffic Jammer's Avatar
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    We talk without talking at the other. As stated, just about everything is petty, otherwise it's an emergency. Never try to change the other person, possibly their opinion but never them. Think of them in your daily life. She has and does her things, I have and do my things. We both cherish the kids.

    It's work but it's rewarding.

  22. #22
    Seņor Member USAZorro's Avatar
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    Contentment?

    I get that when I can step away from the frenzy and hassles of the world, and just spend some quiet time together appreciating the simpler things - the things that can get taken for granted. The world will always be there, but being able to share that refuge for at least part of the time helps to keep things from spinning out of control.

    almost forgot... our 25th is 29 days away.
    The search for inner peace continues...

  23. #23
    Third World Layabout crtreedude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snicklefritz View Post
    All happy marriages described above probably also involve the guy putting the seat and lid down
    Hiring two people to cook and clean for her forgives a multitude of evils...

  24. #24
    derailleurs are overrated bigbenaugust's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gitarzan View Post
    don't fight over petty stuff. And almost everything is petty.
    +1.
    --Ben
    Carrboro Bike Coalition - putting the "bike" in "CARrboro" :)
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    Current Linux Usage (by machine): Arch: I Debian: II openSUSE: I

  25. #25
    Senior Member Chacal's Avatar
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    Try. Try harder if you need to. Just don't try to be perfect. and be honest.

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