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Old 11-09-09, 02:38 PM   #1
desert_tortoise
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Do you find it easy to forgive others?

Kinda random, but it's something I was reminded of today.

I find it a lot easier to forgive others than myself.

How about you?
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Old 11-09-09, 02:41 PM   #2
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Holding grudges is a huge waste of energy.
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Old 11-09-09, 02:42 PM   #3
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It's harder forgiving some people than others but eventually if I work at it I'll get through
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Old 11-09-09, 02:45 PM   #4
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I do find it hard to forgive sometimes but I do... like Joe said... holding grudges is a waste of time - takes so much energy. I just rather give it up and move on...
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Old 11-09-09, 02:48 PM   #5
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I read a quote today that was on this topic. It said: "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

Kinda sobering.
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Old 11-09-09, 02:51 PM   #6
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yes....after shooting them a time or two, its easy to forgive and forget. Its the burying part that's kind of hard.
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Old 11-09-09, 03:00 PM   #7
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Holding grudges is a huge waste of energy.
letting go costs even more.
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Old 11-09-09, 03:04 PM   #8
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Most of the time I don't even bother to get angry.
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Old 11-09-09, 03:27 PM   #9
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I find it easy to forgive, but harder to forget.
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Old 11-09-09, 04:00 PM   #10
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Forgiveness means that you are no longer going to demand or expect anything from the person you feel has wronged or hurt you. It is not pretending you did not get hurt, it is not reconciling the wrong or restoring lost trust and it does not mean you have to forget the pain.

Forgiveness is something you iniate and the receiving party does not even have to be aware of the forgiveness. Forgiveness only takes one person. Restoration takes two people.

And no, I no longer find it hard to offer forgiveness to another.
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Old 11-09-09, 04:13 PM   #11
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Not me, I'm a vengeful person and will hold a grudge for a hundred years until I right the wrong that has been done to me. Doesn't matter if it is real or percieved. Hate is a virtue that keeps you going and gives you strength.
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Old 11-09-09, 04:18 PM   #12
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Depends on what they did and whether or not they understand the problem with it, and show remorse.
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Old 11-09-09, 05:10 PM   #13
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if i am not 'ready' yet, then it isn't easy. Once I am ready, yes, it's easy.

how long it takes to be ready to forgive depends....
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Old 11-09-09, 05:11 PM   #14
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I can't stay angry more than a day.
You're not trying hard enough. I had a problem with a recipe on Saturday and made the declaration that I was angry at bread. Yes, bread. My fiancee said if I cleaned out the mixer, she'd make it while I took the dog for a walk. I cleaned everything up, but stuck to the fact that I was angry at all bread in general, regardless of its origin; and while I wasn't opposed to her making bread I probably wouldn't eat any until the next day.
The bread she made is delicious, but it doesn't change the fact that twice I've tried recipes from a class I attended, and twice they've failed. I'm no longer angry at bread; that was misplaced anger. Now I am angry with this teacher (who happens to operate a local bakery I will no longer frequent, on the premise that his class and recipes have wasted my time.)
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Old 11-09-09, 05:29 PM   #15
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Forgiving those who have wronged you, sets you free.
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Old 11-09-09, 05:45 PM   #16
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I still haven't forgiven SURLY for getting rid of Black Cherry (red) as a color for the LHT.

I easily forgive most things. Some other things - take longer. The arrogance of the 1972 Miami Dolphins though - might never get over that.
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Old 11-09-09, 07:48 PM   #17
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Depends what they did. Some people earn my undying loathing ie: my biological father, who is a complete and utter swine. Some dumb cager who blows a red light and nearly hits me? I get over it pretty quickly.
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Old 11-09-09, 08:32 PM   #18
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Not an easy forgiver. But that's by my definition. It takes a lot for me to trust people in the first place to full extent (people are really not that good, therefore most are not worthy of trust), and when that trust is broken or betrayed, it will likely never be restored.

That's not to say when they do betray, I curse their existence, but I will never perceive them as I did before. Why would I set myself up for disappointment when the person has already proven to me they aren't competent enough to be considered a good friend?? Sure, we can hang out and have a good time, but no longer will I rely on them, nor be willing to 'take a bullet' for them.

I guess I can understand forgiveness in letting go of a grudge due to a certain incident, but forgiveness as the restoration of what was is something I don't see as deserved...
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Old 11-09-09, 08:38 PM   #19
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I put up with little things much better than the average person, but can hold grudges for the bigger things.
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Old 11-09-09, 08:39 PM   #20
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How about you?
The weak cannot forgive. forgiveness is an attribute of the strong...
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Old 11-09-09, 09:20 PM   #21
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I forgive out of selfishness and arrogance. Basically I perceive the other person as simply not worthy of my time or consideration, and that includes time and consideration in plotting to "get even". It's easier and more effective in the end to simply walk away. Although it's not always easy to do.

That said, I don't forget in a hurry. If someone does something to hurt or wrong me in some way, I would be a complete idiot if I gave them the chance to do it again.
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Old 11-09-09, 09:50 PM   #22
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Quote:
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Holding grudges is a huge waste of energy.
This and Hanlon's Razor ("Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence") generally give me little trouble forgiving.

Of course, forgiving is not the same as rebuilding trust.
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Old 11-09-09, 09:59 PM   #23
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I forgive easily. Sometimes too much, but I'd rather live that way. It's easier on my soul.
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Old 11-09-09, 10:17 PM   #24
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work tech support long enough and you learn, people are people. It is not worth getting mad at them no matte how mad they happen to be at you. Plus i make really poor choices when angry. So I make it a point to let go of stuff, and try my best to not get angry with other.
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Old 11-09-09, 10:27 PM   #25
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Quote:
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You're not trying hard enough. I had a problem with a recipe on Saturday and made the declaration that I was angry at bread. Yes, bread. My fiancee said if I cleaned out the mixer, she'd make it while I took the dog for a walk. I cleaned everything up, but stuck to the fact that I was angry at all bread in general, regardless of its origin; and while I wasn't opposed to her making bread I probably wouldn't eat any until the next day.
The bread she made is delicious, but it doesn't change the fact that twice I've tried recipes from a class I attended, and twice they've failed. I'm no longer angry at bread; that was misplaced anger. Now I am angry with this teacher (who happens to operate a local bakery I will no longer frequent, on the premise that his class and recipes have wasted my time.)
Ok...something I've noticed...if your SO is making bread successfully, and the instructor is making bread successfully...then it might be you? At any rate I admire your persistence as I am unable to hate bread after being presented with a fresh loaf. Unless it is pumpernickel, which I can loathe without regret.

Oh, right. Forgiveness. I don't get angry very often but when I do, I get really mad but it only lasts for a bit. Then I immediately feel terrible. Mr Coffeecake informs me that yes, I do hold grudges (I think I am a fairly easy-going live & let live person.) Although I will not fight or express anger with people I do not know well - only family, very close friends, and the SO. When I was little I would refuse to say "I'm sorry" and even now I forget sometimes that it's often the best thing to say.

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