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Old 11-14-09, 08:55 PM   #1
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Divorced Parents - Kid's Graundage Logistics

Me and the Ex are trying this shared groundage tactic. If the graundage's duration is to overlap with the other parent's days, the grounding parent informs the other about the details (why, how long, etc). Let's see how it works...

Those of you who are separated, how you deal with ur kidz groundage?
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Old 11-14-09, 09:28 PM   #2
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I talk with my ex and tell her what happened. We then agree on a sentence and both enforce it.
If the other parent thinks the kid is doing good and it should be shortened we talk about it.
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Old 11-14-09, 10:06 PM   #3
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I talk with my ex and tell her what happened. We then agree on a sentence and both enforce it.
If the other parent thinks the kid is doing good and it should be shortened we talk about it.
+1 My ex and I would talk and try to agree on punishment and both enforce it to retain some continuity.
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Old 11-14-09, 10:17 PM   #4
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My daughter's have one grandparent (my mom) so they see her when they are with me.
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Old 11-14-09, 10:24 PM   #5
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Old 11-15-09, 01:01 PM   #6
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I talk with my ex and tell her what happened. We then agree on a sentence and both enforce it.
If the other parent thinks the kid is doing good and it should be shortened we talk about it.
It is what me and the ex do. We are lucky though that my daughter is a really good kid. At least so far at twelve.
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Old 11-15-09, 06:44 PM   #7
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next year = teenager!!! with hormones kicking in.
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Old 11-15-09, 07:30 PM   #8
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Although it's more than a bit odd, I have my (remarried) ex & all the kids living under my roof. There is very little friction, I'm glad she's happy, we get along great. I actually prefer not being with someone, don't have to sweat being concerned with another's heart.

Our daughter has both of us, every day, parenting her. She doesn't stand a chance....LOL.
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Old 11-15-09, 11:21 PM   #9
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Me and the Ex are trying this shared groundage tactic. If the graundage's duration is to overlap with the other parent's days, the grounding parent informs the other about the details (why, how long, etc). Let's see how it works...

Those of you who are separated, how you deal with ur kidz groundage?
Whatever happens on her time should not be taken into consideration on your time.
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Old 11-15-09, 11:44 PM   #10
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That is a terrible idea.
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Old 11-15-09, 11:58 PM   #11
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With my children living 2,500 miles away with their mother, there's not a hell of a lot I can do about discipline... we have very good children, but I will say we disagree strongly about just about parenting issue there is. This is why, Thank God, we are no longer married. I miss my children, but I certainly don't miss a constant state of warfare with the ex about nearly everything.

What makes it difficult is during the times they are visiting me in California, I am faced with having to "undo" some of the very bad habits the children have been immersed in while in Connecticut. Her family is very Southern and very, well, to my uptight native Iowan mind, completely disorganized and laissez faire in their approach to things... basically, nothing is ever planned or done until the last minute. The children have no structure, and that's unfortunate. Which means I spend 2-3 days settling them down before the visiting goes smoothly... so simple things - like shutting the Nintendos off for dinner or leaving them at the house so we can have real human interaction in the car - end up becoming a disciplinary issue which results in the machines being confiscated for the entire visit. There's also real issues with meals, mealtimes which also results from a lack of what I see as hard and fast rules. You should eat what's placed in front of you, not attempt to negotiate just because they don't care for what's been put in front of them. This just isn't about my own children, either, I see people in public caving all the time to their children because its easier to do that than be the adult. They're afraid that "they're being mean." In reality, you are doing your children a *huge* disservice by not introducing discipline and respect for others. In the end, you get the same high maintenance, spoiled and difficult to deal with adults that I saw a *lot* of while on vacation in Mexico.

Whenever I've brought this up, it just ends up in a shouting match, and I start to feel like I'm Alan being berated by Judith in 2 1/2 Men. LOL

I only worry - they're almost 10 and 8 now - that the lack of discipline and following simple rules is going to become a huge problem once their teens hit. Dr. Spock said on his deathbed that he was wrong, that children should not be raised in a free-range fashion - they need structure.

I wish I could work as some of you seem to be able to do in co-parenting with my ex; its a good thing I have a full head of hair or I would have none left from tearing it out long ago. Its unfortunate.
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Old 11-15-09, 11:59 PM   #12
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That is a terrible idea.
Why? because you say so? what doesn't work for you may work for others, and vice versa. BTW, you know why they're called "opinions?" 'cause the person asking for opinions listens, puts it into their mouth, chews it up a bit, gets the flavor, then it's up to the person asking for opinions to swallow it or spit it out.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:05 AM   #13
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I posted an opinion relating to your opinion. No need to be a jerk.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:15 AM   #14
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I posted an opinion relating to your opinion. No need to be a jerk.
I can call you a lot of things but I don't know you personally, so I will not, I'll ask you to do the same.
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 11-16-09, 12:16 AM   #15
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You have issues. Welcome to the club.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:19 AM   #16
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You have issues. Welcome to the club.
My list of issues stretches to the Mississippi and beyond.

There's nothing wrong with baggage, however, it can be difficult to lift at times.



I don't know of anyone who is > 40, and who has been divorced at least once - and if you add children it complicates the brew moreso - that doesn't have issues of one kind or another. Its not the issues that matter so much its how you let them effect you.

I am enjoying growing older because the older I get, the less worried I am about anything. My GF worries about spending money, for example, and I said to her "I didn't see my dad's corpse with $20s clenched in his fists". You shouldn't put off enjoyment of your life because of this fear or that fear - and I think much of what drives discord in divorces and how to handle your children stems from one party or the other simply not wanting to cede control to the other person on something - even when its readily apparent to outsiders that what's being proposed is the right thing to do.

All you have to do is watch Oprah, Dr. Phil, or, for entertainment value, Jerry Springer and you get the general idea.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:19 AM   #17
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You have issues. Welcome to the club.
"issues" are for people trying to live in a politically correct world, I have problems, just like everyone else in the real world, when you join that club let me know so I can welcome you.
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 11-16-09, 12:21 AM   #18
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Already there.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:23 AM   #19
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Welcome!
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 11-16-09, 12:24 AM   #20
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I believe it is called being alive.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:24 AM   #21
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Welcome!
I'm grounding *both* of you now. No Dancing With The Stars for an *entire* week! You hear me?
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Old 11-16-09, 12:25 AM   #22
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"issues" are for people trying to live in a politically correct world, I have problems, just like everyone else in the real world, when you join that club let me know so I can welcome you.
You know, Captain Kirk just shot first and asked questions later. Which is why he'd leave Picard as a heap of smoking rubble in a one to one matchup.

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Old 11-16-09, 12:26 AM   #23
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I'm grounding *both* of you now. No Dancing With The Stars for an *entire* week! You hear me?
I already work from home. Please ground me to Vancouver BC.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:29 AM   #24
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Back to the OP, if there's punishment, it needs to be consistent between both parents - or the kid(s) will play you off of each other - they're going to do that anyway even if they're angelic and never get in trouble LOL - and it will end up driving everyone crazier.

Today, my son asked me if I could get him a Netbook for Christmas. This is a kid that already has a DS, XBox, Playstation II, and wii... and his mother and her SO have computers. Um, no... or when I suggested that *IF* I did so (because they're not cheap - BTW, I did not buy the console boxes - I do not approve of videogames, but this is one of the compromises of divorce), he would need to share it with his little sister.

He started to hem and haw and say "Well, maybe Santa can bring her one." I said "look, why don't we just get free netbooks for *all* of the people on the planet."

He seemed to think that was a good idea.

I may buy him a telescope instead, because at least it will get him outside and into the fresh air, or into the CIA eventually because he'll use it to spy on the neighbors.
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Old 11-16-09, 12:30 AM   #25
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I'm grounding *both* of you now. No Dancing With The Stars for an *entire* week! You hear me?
an entire week! thats not fair! (as he storms into his room and slams the door.)
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