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Old 11-17-09, 01:38 AM   #1
RubenX 
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No, I don't want a relationship! geez...

Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.
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Old 11-17-09, 02:16 AM   #2
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That could very well be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Old 11-17-09, 08:16 AM   #3
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Actually I agree with Ruben... being alone is not a bad thing. It basically says as a person, you are worth spending time with. I have lots of friends and am always out doing things with them but I also relish and enjoy my alone time to be creative and/or just relax.

In addition there is nothing wrong with not being attached to someone else. There are pros and cons about both situations... for me the pro is the total independence, being able to go out and do whatever I want with whoever. I have lots of great friends that fill that companionship quota for me. Intimancy? Well its nice but the trade off is being tied to someone else and what they want.

Of course I am old and have done by share of loving someone else... now it's my time to enjoy my life not someone elses!
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Old 11-17-09, 08:25 AM   #4
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I did the same thing for 6 months.
My theory is that it will improve an eventual relationship if you are content and happy with being yourself.

No harm in trying it out. Dating before you are ready on the other hand...
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Old 11-17-09, 08:38 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.
One is not the loneliest number.
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Old 11-17-09, 08:39 AM   #6
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I like to hit it and quit it myself too
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Old 11-17-09, 08:52 AM   #7
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A little time off can be a great thing, to get your crap together, figure out your own head, spend quality time with your kids..... Do what you gotta do, you'll be way better off when you decide its time to jump back in to relationships. Just did a two year break myself, and in my opinion, it was well worth it
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Old 11-17-09, 09:12 AM   #8
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nothing is wrong with it. I'm amazed that people would rather be in bad relationships than be alone. It doesn't mean you're pathetic, lonely or desperate. you have friends, kids...it's not like you're living in a cave like Bin Laden!
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Old 11-17-09, 09:15 AM   #9
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exactly...I don't quite understand ppl that jump from one relationship to another
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Old 11-17-09, 09:18 AM   #10
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I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. Better alone and happy.
Now I am not alone and happy. Waiting is a good thing.
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Old 11-17-09, 09:40 AM   #11
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I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. Better alone and happy.
Now I am not alone and happy. Waiting is a good thing.
I agree. I was happy when I was single, but would occasionally feel lonely. For the last 22 years I've been happy in a relationship, but occasionally find myself wishing he'd take off for the weekend so I can have the house to myself for a little while. Every choice we make has consequences, pro and con. It's better not to compromise by putting up with an unsatisfactory relationship.
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Old 11-17-09, 09:45 AM   #12
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Who's suggesting? People are suggesting you need a girlfriend?


I agree 110% that you DO NOT need a woman in your life for a while....you definitely need some alone time, time establish your 'new' relationship with your kids, and (perhaps most importantly) find yourself again. Being in a relationship naturally changes who you are because you become half of a unit.....it takes time to re-establish your personal identity.

Enjoy some alone time and tell whoever is telling you to get a girlfriend to shut the hell up...they're idiots.


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Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.
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Old 11-17-09, 09:55 AM   #13
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I agree. I was happy when I was single, but would occasionally feel lonely. For the last 22 years I've been happy in a relationship, but occasionally find myself wishing he'd take off for the weekend so I can have the house to myself for a little while. Every choice we make has consequences, pro and con. It's better not to compromise by putting up with an unsatisfactory relationship.
rather than wish for SO to leave, why don't you take a mini-sabbatical? I usually go twice a year. Coincidentally, I'm leaving tomorrow to camp at Big Sur alone for 4 days.

my wife is an extrovert and I an introvert. it took a few trips to counseling for us to understand our differences (int vs. ext), but she's totally cool with it now. I come back from trips feeling better about marriage, kids, just about everything. it's how I refresh my head.

Talk to him, maybe he'll feel the same.

And back to OT - I find that the best relationships are the ones you *don't* look for.
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Old 11-17-09, 10:02 AM   #14
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I hate people who suggest stuff like that or try to find someone for you. Quite dumb and pointless I'll say.
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Old 11-17-09, 10:04 AM   #15
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Reuben, that is the most sense you have made in awhile...
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Old 11-17-09, 10:07 AM   #16
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Ruben, you must be the cat's meow.

Somebody pressuring you into a relationship already?

Have fun, Ruben. Enjoy YOUR life.
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Old 11-17-09, 10:08 AM   #17
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I hate people who suggest stuff like that or try to find someone for you. Quite dumb and pointless I'll say.
It was the same when my mom died. All the family couldn't stand leaving me, my dad or brother alone for even one minute. ALL WE WANTED was a little alone time to gather our thoughts a bit...and couldn't do that with everybody HANGING on us every minute.
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Old 11-17-09, 10:11 AM   #18
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Old 11-17-09, 10:48 AM   #19
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It was the same when my mom died. All the family couldn't stand leaving me, my dad or brother alone for even one minute. ALL WE WANTED was a little alone time to gather our thoughts a bit...and couldn't do that with everybody HANGING on us every minute.
A friend of mine's younger brother died in a car accident when he we were both in college. Several of his friends and I wandered by to check up on him and keep his mind busy off and on, and unintentionally left him alone only when sleeping and showering for about a week after he got back. He complained a little at the time that he needed some time to get his homework done (which mind you he was doing with us there, not just ignoring it). Later however, he said he was really happy there were people around all the time because when there weren't he would start getting stuck in a rut and just sit there staring at whatever page was in front of him.
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Old 11-17-09, 10:51 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by RubenX View Post
Everybody I know keeps suggesting the same thing over and over. What's wrong with being alone for some time? Maybe if a didn't had kids. But I have, 2 of them... and they will be with me on every single day off that I get. I'll have lotz and lotz of love and company. I'm very busy at it is.

The last thing I need at this time is a girlfriend on the phone asking why I didn't call. Or making suggestions about how to organize my house or how to run my life. I have an opportunity to have things my way and that's exactly what I plan to do.

IMHO it will be a healthy experience to be alone. I'll be free to be myself with no complains. I haven't been "myself" during the last 22 years... always trying to please a girl, wife, girlfriend, etc. There was always somebody trying to change me and I'm tired of it. I'm not perfect. I have a lot of faults. But I'm happy the way I am and my kids love me the way I am. I'm not changing a thing.
Your children are not a replacement for an adult relationship. However, there's nothing wrong with being alone.
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Old 11-17-09, 10:52 AM   #21
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I'm sure each person is different. We (at least my brother and I) were asking people to leave us alone and give us some alone time...and still they wouldn't do it.

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A friend of mine's younger brother died in a car accident when he we were both in college. Several of his friends and I wandered by to check up on him and keep his mind busy off and on, and unintentionally left him alone only when sleeping and showering for about a week after he got back. He complained a little at the time that he needed some time to get his homework done (which mind you he was doing with us there, not just ignoring it). Later however, he said he was really happy there were people around all the time because when there weren't he would start getting stuck in a rut and just sit there staring at whatever page was in front of him.
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Old 11-17-09, 11:42 AM   #22
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I don't think there is anything wrong with being alone at all. I think it is far better to be alone than to be in a relationship with the wrong person. Not everyone seems to think this way however.

I admit that it is also really nice to come home to your own space after a long day of work.
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Old 11-17-09, 12:19 PM   #23
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Hookers are WAY cheaper than a wife and generally more satisfying.
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Old 11-17-09, 12:27 PM   #24
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Plus you will occasionally get extras from having sex with a hooker. As in various STDs.
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Old 11-17-09, 12:28 PM   #25
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Plus you will occasionally get extras from having sex with a hooker. As in various STDs.
or potential fines and jail time....

(unless you are a sitting US senator)
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