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  1. #1
    Footballus vita est iamlucky13's Avatar
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    I Guess Society Really is Doomed After All

    This was the entirety of an engineering job description, meaning it's targeted at people who have finished college:

    BS, exp in mach-inery & controls design, CAD, exclnt comm skills. PE a plus; pay to match exp.
    I'm trying to figure out how to condense my resume down to 160 characters so I can text it to them. If hired, I figure I can do all my work on an iPhone. Finite Element Analysis? I'm sure there's an app for that.
    "The internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that." ~ Strong Bad

  2. #2
    Senior Member Chacal's Avatar
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    dude don't h8- u snd bittr

  3. #3
    Peloton Dog patentcad's Avatar
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    I had a similar revelation this week when a customer who is a high school social studies teacher (he invented something on the side) continuously referred to me as a 'patent drawer'.

    God help us.

  4. #4
    Still can't climb
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    young people suck
    coasting, few quotes are worthy of him, and of those, even fewer printable in a family forum......quote 3alarmer

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by coasting View Post
    people suck
    Fixed that.

  6. #6
    Footballus vita est iamlucky13's Avatar
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    I came across several other good ones today. These had more competent spelling, grammar, and descriptiveness, but had their own amusing qualities:

    An "entry level" candidate with a professional license (You're not even eligible for a license in this state until you've worked for four years. By definition, licensed candidates aren't entry level).

    One that required BS degree for a part time, contract position paying $14 per hour (four years and a boatload of money getting a BS to work for the same pay as a McDonald's shift manager but for only 20 hours per week and no benefits...right)

    The usual collection of "maintenance engineer" or similar positions that have nothing to do with engineering (or even the trains/ships definition of an engineer as someone who works on engines). The descriptions usually reveal they're looking for a handy-man to do plumbing and electrical work.
    "The internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that." ~ Strong Bad

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamlucky13 View Post
    I came across several other good ones today. These had more competent spelling, grammar, and descriptiveness, but had their own amusing qualities:

    An "entry level" candidate with a professional license (You're not even eligible for a license in this state until you've worked for four years. By definition, licensed candidates aren't entry level).

    One that required BS degree for a part time, contract position paying $14 per hour (four years and a boatload of money getting a BS to work for the same pay as a McDonald's shift manager but for only 20 hours per week and no benefits...right)
    In today's economy, these don't surprise me one bit. There are lots of experienced professionals who have been laid off and will take an entry-level job to support their families. And for the other, $ 14/hour can beat $ 0/hour.
    Regards, MillCreek
    Snohomish County, Washington USA

  8. #8
    T-Shirt Guy ehidle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MillCreek View Post
    In today's economy, these don't surprise me one bit. There are lots of experienced professionals who have been laid off and will take an entry-level job to support their families. And for the other, $ 14/hour can beat $ 0/hour.
    I remember after the dot-bomb, a friend of mine who owned a computer store in Atlanta put an ad in the paper for a computer tech... he received 500 resumes in the first couple of days, many of which were from people with Masters and PhD degrees for a job that paid $9/hr at the time (probably pays $10 now haha).
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  9. #9
    surfrider
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamlucky13 View Post
    This was the entirety of an engineering job description, meaning it's targeted at people who have finished college:



    I'm trying to figure out how to condense my resume down to 160 characters so I can text it to them. If hired, I figure I can do all my work on an iPhone. Finite Element Analysis? I'm sure there's an app for that.
    Good luck on the job search. Being long-term unemployed myself a few years ago, I always love seeing employment adds like this, both the simplistic ones and the over-the-top, highly-detailed ones. Whenever I hear employers complain about how many unqualified candidates apply for a job opening (the job description is usually very vague), and not being able to find qualified candidates (the job description is overly-detailed and full of company specific requirements), I just gotta laugh at how employers can't describe what the job really involves.

  10. #10
    perpetually frazzled mickey85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfrider View Post
    Good luck on the job search. Being long-term unemployed myself a few years ago, I always love seeing employment adds like this, both the simplistic ones and the over-the-top, highly-detailed ones. Whenever I hear employers complain about how many unqualified candidates apply for a job opening (the job description is usually very vague), and not being able to find qualified candidates (the job description is overly-detailed and full of company specific requirements), I just gotta laugh at how employers can't describe what the job really involves.
    As an English teacher, I try not to let it get to me, but there are some peeves that REALLY turn my stomach.

    Redundancy. No, I don't want to hear about how you got money from the ATM machine, or that your hot water heater broke. I'm not even sure what those things are.

    Whenever. You cannot substitute this for When. "I saw him whenever he came out of the store." So you camped out at the front of the store just to see him every time he left? Or did you see him the one time that you saw when he left the store? hmm...

    Text spelling in academic papers. No, it isn't ur, it's your. It isn't h8ted, it's hated. And you want a grade? Srsly?



    I'll continue, but this is making me mad already...
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  11. #11
    Banned. ModoVincere's Avatar
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    I wrkd w/ mach-inry b4. I b good w/ mach-inry.


    that should be less then 160 characters.

  12. #12
    You gonna eat that? Doohickie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamlucky13 View Post
    The usual collection of "maintenance engineer" or similar positions that have nothing to do with engineering (or even the trains/ships definition of an engineer as someone who works on engines). The descriptions usually reveal they're looking for a handy-man to do plumbing and electrical work.
    As a working engineer, I say don't knock maintenance engineering. You learn a helluva lot about design by fixing broken things. And it's usually fairly interesting work. If it pays more than unemployment and/or has benefits, jump at it. When other engineering jobs pop up, engineering managers will view you as a "do-er" and not just a dreamer. Practical knowledge about how things work is becoming increasingly rare in newly minted engineers.
    I stop for people / whose right of way I honor / but not for no one.



    Originally Posted by bragi "However, it's never a good idea to overgeneralize."

  13. #13
    Footballus vita est iamlucky13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mickey85 View Post
    Text spelling in academic papers. No, it isn't ur, it's your. It isn't h8ted, it's hated. And you want a grade? Srsly?
    You and my old thermodynamics professor should meet up and trade stories. "And you want a grade?" is exactly the sort of response she would give to students being absurd.

    I don't even use text spelling in my text messages, much less when I've got a full keyboard. The last thing I want is a written record of spelling and grammar being horrifically and unintelligibly butchered at my own thumbs.
    "The internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that." ~ Strong Bad

  14. #14
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    Nd wrk am hngry. Think that would work?

  15. #15
    Footballus vita est iamlucky13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doohickie View Post
    As a working engineer, I say don't knock maintenance engineering. You learn a helluva lot about design by fixing broken things. And it's usually fairly interesting work. If it pays more than unemployment and/or has benefits, jump at it. When other engineering jobs pop up, engineering managers will view you as a "do-er" and not just a dreamer. Practical knowledge about how things work is becoming increasingly rare in newly minted engineers.
    I certainly don't knock it. My last boss was straightforward in telling me that part of what got me that job is my hands-on experience, and working in building maintenance or as a mechanic or handyman is a perfectly respectable job, but neither do I recommend posting such jobs in the engineering section of a job search website or dressing up the title with terms that are misleading. It's annoying, and it's pointless. Very few people browsing engineering listings are going to be interested in such a job, and very few people interested in such a job will be browsing the engineering listings.

    If I reach the point where I need to put my engineering job search on the backburner to keep a house over my head, I'll be searching categories like general labor, skilled trade, or construction. I can't imagine what leads an HR drone to re-title a handyman as an engineer and then advertise the position in a place frequented by white collar workers, most of whom don't have much relevant experience anyways.
    "The internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that." ~ Strong Bad

  16. #16
    Footballus vita est iamlucky13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobfromwaco View Post
    Nd wrk am hngry. Think that would work?
    That would do for a cover letter, but I don't know if it will help me get an interview over the guy standing on the corner by the 7-11 with a sign that says the same thing.
    "The internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that." ~ Strong Bad

  17. #17
    Fred at large
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    Quote Originally Posted by ModoVincere View Post
    I wrkd w/ mach-inry b4. I b good w/ mach-inry. I haz xlnt comm skilz.
    Tarted it up for you.
    I am Fred, hear me slurp my Grande Mocha.

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  18. #18
    billyymc
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    Can I haz job pls?

  19. #19
    Belt drive! vtjim's Avatar
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    ZOMG this thread is full of win.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamlucky13 View Post
    I came across several other good ones today. These had more competent spelling, grammar, and descriptiveness, but had their own amusing qualities:

    An "entry level" candidate with a professional license (You're not even eligible for a license in this state until you've worked for four years. By definition, licensed candidates aren't entry level).

    One that required BS degree for a part time, contract position paying $14 per hour (four years and a boatload of money getting a BS to work for the same pay as a McDonald's shift manager but for only 20 hours per week and no benefits...right)

    The usual collection of "maintenance engineer" or similar positions that have nothing to do with engineering (or even the trains/ships definition of an engineer as someone who works on engines). The descriptions usually reveal they're looking for a handy-man to do plumbing and electrical work.

    hah! take that with your "real" degree and all!

    but seriously, i've seen a 60 year old engineer from TI working as a cashier at walmart, a man with a masters in computer science working as an over night stocker, another man with a bachelors and a masters in finance and accounting along with a bachelors in some sort of mapping tech work at walmart (i actually replaced him as he found a job with that last degree), a computer programmer that once made $120,000 a year working as a night dairy person at walmart and in the day for sprint ($16 an hour if i remember correctly)....

    all of these walmart jobs paid around $8.40 an hour.

    yup, this is what our nation has become.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mickey85 View Post
    As an English teacher, I try not to let it get to me, but there are some peeves that REALLY turn my stomach.

    Redundancy. No, I don't want to hear about how you got money from the ATM machine, or that your hot water heater broke. I'm not even sure what those things are.

    Whenever. You cannot substitute this for When. "I saw him whenever he came out of the store." So you camped out at the front of the store just to see him every time he left? Or did you see him the one time that you saw when he left the store? hmm...

    Text spelling in academic papers. No, it isn't ur, it's your. It isn't h8ted, it's hated. And you want a grade? Srsly?



    I'll continue, but this is making me mad already...
    Text spelling is also something that drives me crazy. In addition to my bio/nanotech job, I also teach university chemistry and so I run into "text spelling" quite frequently. Certain students will send me emails written entirely in text format. I have no idea what they are thinking. Don't they realize it makes them come across as incompetent? ugh. I usually tell the student to rewrite their message in full sentences if they would like a response.

  22. #22
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    You should send them a resume with everything you've ever done since you were 8. Make it like a book and have it bound.

  23. #23
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    It's funny to consider that eventually we will all be writing in text and won't know any better. LOL. but really I hate it.

  24. #24
    Senior Member ummbnb's Avatar
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    You think the ads are bad, you should try spending your days reading the **** that people try to pass off as resumes these days.
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