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Old 01-09-10, 12:51 AM   #1
phantomcow2
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Proper attire for a memorial service?

What is the proper attire for a memorial service? My great uncle, whom I had a decent relationship with (he was an engineer and interested in my projects), passed away recently. Anyways, a memorial service -- not a funeral -- is being held tomorrow. I can't remember the last memorial service I've been to, since I've always been away the few times there's been one for a person I know. Is this an occasion for a tie? A suit?
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Old 01-09-10, 01:11 AM   #2
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You should wear solemn attire. If you have a suit and tie, wear it. Otherwise choose a jacket and tie with a long sleeved shirt.
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Old 01-09-10, 01:12 AM   #3
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I always dress up...business casual...dark slacks, pressed shirt and depending on the weather, a tie or not (usually a dark one). I'm more a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy (even at work) but I will dress up to pay my respects, but that's me.

Oh, and I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-09-10, 01:16 AM   #4
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can't go wrong with a suit. Overdressing is usually OK, not so under-dressing.
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Old 01-09-10, 01:17 AM   #5
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Is a cream fitted shirt and dark blue tie with a mild, stripped pattern okay?
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Old 01-09-10, 01:31 AM   #6
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That seems fine to me.
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Old 01-09-10, 07:28 AM   #7
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Is a cream fitted shirt and dark blue tie with a mild spaghetti sauce stain okay?
Don't you have a clean shirt?
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Old 01-09-10, 08:19 AM   #8
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Wear what you think the deceased would consider respectful.
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Old 01-09-10, 12:42 PM   #9
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I have been to a couple of funerals lately where men have worn blue jeans. Perhaps that is considered appropriate in rural Utah. I would think at least dress slacks and a jacket, if not a tie.
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Old 01-09-10, 01:41 PM   #10
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I've been to only one funeral/memorial in my life- for my 17 yr old nephew, who was killed while riding his bike. That was the last time I wore a tie (can't stand those choke collars). Anyway, his younger brother wore his football jersey to the service. People thought he was in shock, and admonished the mother (my S-I-L). The younger one defended his mom by stating that his brother would not want him "fronting"...wearing/acting out of character.

How can you be truly respectful of the memory of the deceased if you feel obligated to wear something that does represent the 'true' you?
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Old 01-09-10, 02:26 PM   #11
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Wear what you think the deceased would consider respectful.
Did you wear a suit everytime you visited/hung out with him? if not wear what you would have worn when you went to visit/hang out, I feel anything else would be kinda hypocritical, but thats just me, and I don't expect anyone to understand it or even agree with it.
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Old 01-09-10, 04:55 PM   #12
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I have to vote for the suit and tie or tie, dress shirt and dress slacks for this particular service. I suspect that the decendent is older and well-established in his community or profession.

You have to choose appropriate wear for the circumstances. I have been to several funerals/memorial services over the past couple of years where younger attendees have gone for the ripped jeans or the boobs hanging out look. Suffice it to say that they stood out and were not remarked upon kindly. These were for decendents who were older or perhaps more conservative.

Now, if you are going to the type of memorial service where they pour a forty on the curb in memoriam, the ripped jeans or football jersey may be right on point.
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Old 01-09-10, 05:13 PM   #13
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Wear what those who are grieving the most will consider appropriate. You aren't there for the your uncle, but for those who are trying to deal with their loss. This would probably be your aunt if she is still alive and any of his children.

And anyone who is very close to the person who died gets a pass in my opinion, after all, the memorial is for them, not for anyone else. If you felt particular close, whatever helps you cope.
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Old 01-09-10, 06:32 PM   #14
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Any invite that gives suggested attire? When my cousin's husband died unexpectedly (brain anurism), the invite I got to the service stated: "Attire: Hawaiian shirts & shorts - the louder the better". Completely appropriate considering they met and married in Hawaii, and vacationed there quite often.
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Old 01-09-10, 06:49 PM   #15
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^^^^ Now that is a really good touch, with the invite suggesting the type of attire. I will have to remember that when I pass on. I hope everyone here has a Starfleet uniform.
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Old 01-09-10, 06:52 PM   #16
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Great Uncle? I guess he lived a long life? I would think, then, that a memorial service would be more to celebrate who he was and what he did with his life. So, wear the clothes that you wore when you hung out with him to discuss/display/explain your projects. Yeah, wear your lab coat complete with pocket protectors.

Funerals are for mourning, memorial services are to remember the person and celebrate that life.
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Old 01-09-10, 06:55 PM   #17
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^^^^ Now that is a really good touch, with the invite suggesting the type of attire. I will have to remember that when I pass on. I hope everyone here has a Starfleet uniform.
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Old 01-09-10, 07:14 PM   #18
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Wear what those who are grieving the most will consider appropriate. You aren't there for the your uncle, but for those who are trying to deal with their loss. This would probably be your aunt if she is still alive and any of his children.

And anyone who is very close to the person who died gets a pass in my opinion, after all, the memorial is for them, not for anyone else. If you felt particular close, whatever helps you cope.
I disagree, I feel anything done for the dead is for the dead, the living still have a chance to deal with it as they're still alive, ;0) I've stop going to most things that have to do with the dead as I feel most that show up are indeed hypocrites, they show little or no interest in the person while they're alive then show up to "show their respect," (just like all the people that sin all week then go to church on the weekends! LOL!) my family knows I want no one but my "real" family at my "I'm dead Party!" and they can wear whatever the hell they want! YEAH! and I know my daughters will not let anyone else in, their good kids. =0) (We expect about 10 people including my immediate family) =0)
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Old 01-09-10, 07:19 PM   #19
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If you're not sure, wear a coat and tie.
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Old 01-09-10, 07:21 PM   #20
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I disagree, I feel anything done for the dead is for the dead, the living still have a chance to deal with it as they're still alive, ;0) I've stop going to most things that has to do with the dead as I feel most that show up are indeed hypocrites, they show little or no interest in the person while they're alive then show up to "show their respect," (just like all the people that sin all week then go to church on the weekends! LOL!) my family knows I want no one but my "real" family at my "I'm dead Party!" and they can wear whatever the hell they want! YEAH! and I know my daughters will not let anyone else in, their good kids. =0) (We expect about 10 people including my immediate family) =0)
I told my family that if they do any special for me I am going to come back and haunt them.

The truth is that people can be pretty fragile during a memorial. Those who are dead don't care what you do most likely (none of us are dead so we have no idea) but you can really screw up your relationship with family and friends if they perceive you aren't being respectful.

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Old 01-09-10, 07:24 PM   #21
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my family is going to have me cremated and spread my ashes in the rain forest of Puerto Rico! Oh Yeah! (those are my wishes) but hey, OP, do what you think is right for you and your great uncle dude. ;0)
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Old 01-11-10, 02:06 AM   #22
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I ended up wearing slacks, a tucked in dress shirt, and tie. No coat. To my surprise, I felt a little under dressed, as most of the older ones had a complete suit.

While a memorial service isn't meant to be filled with grieving, the funeral service wont be held for a few months because the ground is frozen solid.
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Old 01-11-10, 08:14 AM   #23
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Black, clean, in the right size.
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Old 01-11-10, 07:16 PM   #24
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my family is going to have me cremated and spread my ashes in the rain forest of Puerto Rico! Oh Yeah! (those are my wishes) but hey, OP, do what you think is right for you and your great uncle dude. ;0)
You hope. Often families don't follow your last wishes. They do what they want, after all, you aren't around to complain. People do what they feel they have to get over their grief.
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Old 01-11-10, 07:32 PM   #25
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I think I will donate my body to a local zoo with the stipulation that it be used to feed the bears and lions. That should alleviate any concerns about the family having to bury me.
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