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Old 01-11-10, 11:30 PM   #1
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Super Long Distance Relationship? Can this work??(really bummed)(srs)

I thought to ask what you guys think.


Background: I'm 24 and my gf is 23. We've been together almost 2yrs now. Very good relationship, shes loyal etc. Always tells me who shes going out with and all that(without me asking).

She has the opportunity to go to school in Mexico for some dentist program(she cant get into a dental program here in the US due to grades). Supposedly this school is certified by California and shes eligible to take the dental board exam once she graduates from that school and will live in the US here. This program is 4 years. Now she didnt get in yet, but it sounds like a 80% chance that she will get in. She would be going there starting next fall, and coming back to stay in socal in the summers, winters and thanksgiving breaks. Lets assume she already got accepted.

I really want to make this work because I think shes great but I also realize that long distance relationships are doomed for failure. I guess if we are super mature about it then we can make it work but 4 years? To add to it, one of her best friends from highschool(some guy) is there in the school now and she'll probably be hanging out with him alot.

She assures me that she wants to stay together and would never do anything to jeopardize the situation. I didnt like the idea to start off with...for obvious reasons.

I'm really bummed. I'm not really sure what to think at this point. You guys can tell me the good/bad news, i'm ready for it...
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Old 01-11-10, 11:34 PM   #2
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The love of my life is 1001 miles away and we see each other every three months... I am now 44 and she is 36 and this is the most wonderful relationship and most wonderful woman I have ever known.

The distance really means nothing (and there is a border between us too) and we are working at closing that distance forever... and I always tell her that I would wait forever for forever.
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Old 01-11-10, 11:40 PM   #3
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You call that "long distance"?
Machka is the expert on this;
Once she shows up, she can tell you about a Canada/Australia relationship.
would it work for my age though? Should I be worried about her friend?? I'm a little bugged about it.
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Old 01-11-10, 11:56 PM   #4
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I can only speak for myself... if I was 24 and the girl was 23 things would not be any different except that I would probably not have two children and would have moved a year ago.

You know that state of your relationship better than anyone and you are just going to have to see if this can work for you.

Machka's better half lives in Australia and she lived here in Canada until recently... she is my age.
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Old 01-12-10, 12:12 AM   #5
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OP, are you a miscer?
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Old 01-12-10, 02:33 AM   #6
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I was in a long-distance (4,350 miles) relationship for 6 years. When we started, I was 23, she was 20. We met twice a year during our vacations.

After the six years, I moved to her home country and we got married. Now we have two kids and couldn't be happier.

So yes, if both are motivated and patient, long-distance relationships work fine. But you have to have patience and commitment, and you have to be willing to take it one day at a time.
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Old 01-12-10, 07:22 AM   #7
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I've spent a lot of time away from my wife. When we were both in college together I spent 2 summers out of the country, and after I graduated she still had 2 years left, which we spent in different states. Then I spent the summer of 2008 and all of 2009 all the way across the country. It can be done. It's up to you guys whether you want it to be done.

It can be hard, but absence can also make the heart grow fonder. Your situation is all going to come down to trust. Do you trust her, or don't you? If you have that trust, it can work. If not, I don't know how you would stand it.
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Old 01-12-10, 07:42 AM   #8
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You're 24. Either move with her or start dating other people.
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Old 01-12-10, 08:13 AM   #9
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Your mom is kicking you out and your girlfriend is moving to Mexico? Jeez, your life sucks.
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Old 01-12-10, 08:32 AM   #10
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Ah, long distance relationships across international borders. I did that once, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Lasted a bit more than a year before I concluded that we couldn't provide each other with the level of support we needed and killed it. I got over it 3 months later, it took her at least another year. My current girlfriend (5 years) and I spent most of our summers apart except for a couple visits. After two summers apart when she then decided to go for a PhD I informed her that either a) We needed to arrange me having a job and her being admitted to a decent school in the same place or b) that as much as I hated it, we needed to split.
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Old 01-12-10, 08:34 AM   #11
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Hey ovo! Welcome back.

OK, my brother had a long distance relationship with a young lady in the Philippines, and wound up moving there to be with her. He's been married to her for 5 years and has a passel of kids now, so yes, they can work well. YMMV.
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Old 01-12-10, 08:52 AM   #12
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would it work for my age though? Should I be worried about her friend?? I'm a little bugged about it.
I deleted my post when I realized where you were located, but you responded before the deletion.
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Old 01-12-10, 08:56 AM   #13
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My 16 year old god-daughter plans on marrying her BF directly after high school, and everybody's Spidey-sense tingles, but does that mean it will end in disaster? Of course not, people were marrying young long before this modern trend of spending your 20 just dating. My point? if both of you think you have something special, ignore the naysayers and go ahead and try it. Long Distance Relationships are just a little more difficult, but it's not some 100% guarantee of disaster, and the worst that can happen is you break up.
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Old 01-12-10, 09:03 AM   #14
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Your mom is kicking you out and your girlfriend is moving to Mexico? Jeez, your life sucks.
He's 24...his mom needs to kick him out if she hasn't done so already. As for the girlfriend thing well...let's just say I havn't had sixty fivers luck. Since her old high school flame is going along for the ride, I'd say save yourself a lot of grief and cut it off. You're young...you'll recover, believe me. That may sound harsh, but to quote the devil..."ain't nothin' ever as good as we would like it to be" Move on and HTFU. It'll be better for you in the long run.
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Old 01-12-10, 09:25 AM   #15
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OP, are you a miscer?
Yea Brah why?
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Old 01-12-10, 09:30 AM   #16
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I deleted my post when I realized where you were located, but you responded before the deletion.
He's not really in Russia. Unless they moved it to the San Fernando Valley.
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Old 01-12-10, 10:46 AM   #17
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He's not really in Russia. Unless they moved it to the San Fernando Valley.
Yea im in Socal guys
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Old 01-12-10, 10:50 AM   #18
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He's 24...his mom needs to kick him out if she hasn't done so already. As for the girlfriend thing well...let's just say I havn't had sixty fivers luck. Since her old high school flame is going along for the ride, I'd say save yourself a lot of grief and cut it off. You're young...you'll recover, believe me. That may sound harsh, but to quote the devil..."ain't nothin' ever as good as we would like it to be" Move on and HTFU. It'll be better for you in the long run.
this is what my head is telling me...but also in the back of my mind I keep hearing "she is different and loyal". Then I'm like "women are all the same"...

Heres the kicker. : She wrote her admissions personal statement to the school and wanted me to review it. It was so bad no one would have accepted her. She begged me to fix it so I did. I made it almost 150 times better. And now I dont want her to go there, but I was intrumental in her getting in...But she says this is what she really wants to do and doesnt want to live poor(srs).
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Old 01-12-10, 10:50 AM   #19
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Sorry didn't read any of the other posts, but I am very anti long distance (regardless of borders). Makes things very difficult and strained.
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Old 01-12-10, 10:51 AM   #20
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You're 24. Either move with her or start dating other people.

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Your mom is kicking you out and your girlfriend is moving to Mexico? Jeez, your life sucks.
My mom is not kicking me out
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Old 01-12-10, 10:51 AM   #21
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My wife and I only dated for 5 months before I moved to Seattle (3200 miles away). We kept a long distance relationship good for about 1 1/2 years before she moved here.

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You're 24. Either move with her or start dating other people.
But.....we were 37 and 41 when I moved......at 24 it is much harder. I'm not saying it can't work, but your respective ages are much against you unless you are VERY MATURE for your age.
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Old 01-12-10, 10:53 AM   #22
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Loooks like I should just pray she doesnt get in...FML
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Old 01-12-10, 10:57 AM   #23
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But.....we were 37 and 41 when I moved......at 24 it is much harder. I'm not saying it can't work, but your respective ages are much against you unless you are VERY MATURE for your age.
Not to mention, and sorry to be crass, at 24 I sometimes did a lot of thinking with the man below. While I was always 100% loyal to the girl I was with, I would never have been able to do a long distance relationship unless it was an open relationship.
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Old 01-12-10, 11:08 AM   #24
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Ovoleg, this is what I would do if I was in your situation.

I would not help her any more in terms of applying for the school. Her acceptance is based on simple things like being able to fend for herself when applying. It's like you telling her what to say at a job interview. She has to EARN this.

If she does get accepted, at that point I would put to the realization that because of her age, the freedom, the cultural differences and the 'party' atmosphere of higher learning, she may indeed meet other people and may not be strong enough to stay true to what she left in the US. I don't just mean YOU, I mean that when there is temptation, a lot of morals and self promises go out the door. Remember that this is also a time of experiments. Doing things that you never did before when under the watchful eye of your parents or friends.

Perhaps when she leaves it will be a time when you both should take a breather, tend to your lives as you have them and see how things go. If she truly is faithful and her heart is true to you then this is the test. Just be open minded and go with the flow. Dwelling on it is adding stress to your life and all it will do is bring you into a negative state of worry.

Be open, be aware and be accepting.
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Old 01-12-10, 11:24 AM   #25
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Ovoleg, this is what I would do if I was in your situation.

I would not help her any more in terms of applying for the school. Her acceptance is based on simple things like being able to fend for herself when applying. It's like you telling her what to say at a job interview. She has to EARN this.

If she does get accepted, at that point I would put to the realization that because of her age, the freedom, the cultural differences and the 'party' atmosphere of higher learning, she may indeed meet other people and may not be strong enough to stay true to what she left in the US. I don't just mean YOU, I mean that when there is temptation, a lot of morals and self promises go out the door. Remember that this is also a time of experiments. Doing things that you never did before when under the watchful eye of your parents or friends.

Perhaps when she leaves it will be a time when you both should take a breather, tend to your lives as you have them and see how things go. If she truly is faithful and her heart is true to you then this is the test. Just be open minded and go with the flow. Dwelling on it is adding stress to your life and all it will do is bring you into a negative state of worry.

Be open, be aware and be accepting.
Thanks for the advice Siu. I'm trying not to work and say to myself "it doesnt really matter I can get someone equal or better no problem" but its not that easy.

She will likely get in, her high school buddy thats there now gave her alot of tips on how to pass the interview. She is also taking some entrance test but since shes a biology major I'm sure she will score much better than the other people applying. I'm not helping her at all anymore, the only thing I helped her with was the personal statement because my writing trumps hers.

Anyways thanks for your advice, I'm going to focus on not thinking about it...
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