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Old 03-10-10, 10:16 PM   #1
ilikebikes
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what would you do?

My sis in law has an older son (21) that molested his younger sister when he was 16, he did his time and got out but has been an anchor on everyone that has tried to help him, not only that but he's a compulsive lier, so last month his mom took him into her home and tried helping him out, she made it clear to him that it was his last chance, the month went by and all he did was lie to her and he did ablolutely nothing to make his life better, so this morning she threw him out and he is now on the street. So heres the thing, I can't help but feel bad for him, I want to help him, but he screwed my wife and I when we tried to help him once before, what would you do? (if you were in my shoes.) I'm just siiting here telling myself "he got himself into this problem so he's going to have to get himself out," but its cold out and its supposed to rain soon! I feel bad.
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Old 03-10-10, 10:19 PM   #2
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nothing
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Old 03-10-10, 10:27 PM   #3
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Until he wants to help himself, there will be no change in his behavior. Either take him to a shelter, or let him be. He'll either learn or he won't.
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Old 03-10-10, 11:29 PM   #4
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He's an adult. He had help from his mom and she gave him a time limit. He chose not to heed it.

So you want to know what to do?? *flicks you in the forehead*

Do you want to expose your family to his lying? Do you want to sacrifice your peaceful household for this guy who just won't try? Think about this. He's grown, he been in the pen. He's gotten a bit wiser (from the survival point of view) because of it. He's probably got a probation officer who has to keep tabs on him, especially because of the offense. If he doesn't have an address, he can be in big trouble. They don't want him wandering the streets. If he has no place, then he is to tell his P.O. and there are resources for that. He should have been advised of this upon release.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-11-10, 01:50 AM   #5
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Forget he exists, remove him from your list of family members.
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Old 03-11-10, 08:42 AM   #6
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He's an adult. He had help from his mom and she gave him a time limit. He chose not to heed it.

So you want to know what to do?? *flicks you in the forehead*

Do you want to expose your family to his lying? Do you want to sacrifice your peaceful household for this guy who just won't try? Think about this. He's grown, he been in the pen. He's gotten a bit wiser (from the survival point of view) because of it. He's probably got a probation officer who has to keep tabs on him, especially because of the offense. If he doesn't have an address, he can be in big trouble. They don't want him wandering the streets. If he has no place, then he is to tell his P.O. and there are resources for that. He should have been advised of this upon release.

The thought of bringing him into my home was never an option that entered my mind, I was thinking more like a shelter or the Police station. BTW thanks for the "flick" Siu.
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 03-11-10, 08:47 AM   #7
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You can only change you. Sometimes love is tough, but he has to be broken and willing to change before change can occur. Your tough love may help him achieve that brokeness.
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Old 03-11-10, 09:01 AM   #8
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The thought of bringing him into my home was never an option that entered my mind, I was thinking more like a shelter or the Police station. BTW thanks for the "flick" Siu.
I think the Police Station is the last place he'd want to go. He'd probably stay with friends before that. Ask mom to inform the probation officer that he is no longer with her and then he would probably want him to check in. She can tell him the P.O. wants to see him. He'll take it from there.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-11-10, 09:01 AM   #9
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The thought of bringing him into my home was never an option that entered my mind, I was thinking more like a shelter or the Police station. BTW thanks for the "flick" Siu.
I think the Police Station is the last place he'd want to go. He'd probably stay with friends before that. Ask mom to inform the probation officer that he is no longer with her and then he would probably want him to check in. She can tell him the P.O. wants to see him. He'll take it from there.
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Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.
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Old 03-11-10, 09:04 AM   #10
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I am reminded of the story of the Prodigal Son in the bible. Sometimes, you have to let people go do their thing, even if you know it will cause them pain and grief. Hopefully, they learn and come back a changed person. You have to do what's best for you and your family.
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Old 03-11-10, 09:16 AM   #11
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If someone doesn't want to even help themselves, then there's nothing you can do to help them. Oh, and change your locks.
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Old 03-11-10, 09:40 AM   #12
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I am reminded of the story of the Prodigal Son in the bible. Sometimes, you have to let people go do their thing, even if you know it will cause them pain and grief. Hopefully, they learn and come back a changed person. You have to do what's best for you and your family.

done.
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 03-11-10, 09:41 AM   #13
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If someone doesn't want to even help themselves, then there's nothing you can do to help them. Oh, and change your locks.
Yup, thats true, BTW he never lived in or had keys to my home. ;0)
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You see, their morals, their code...it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these...These "civilized" people...they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve
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Old 03-11-10, 11:34 AM   #14
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He should never had made it out of prison. I understand he was a minor but it clearly did him no good. He'll end up back there eventually. Your responsible for maintaining your family's safety.
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Old 03-11-10, 01:17 PM   #15
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I agree with the rest of the posters - walk away. Do not look back. You are allowed to feel bad for him - that shows you are human - but do not get involved.

It is a sad fact of life that there sometimes comes a point where you simply cannot let someone else drag you down with them. This sounds like one of those times.
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Old 03-11-10, 01:50 PM   #16
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Can you still send people like this into the military? My mom's little brother was a problem child, and several years in the US Air Force cured that. He said being forced to stay in for a little while is what finally bottomed him out, and was the best thing for him. Several others in the family agree. In the mean time, keep you and yours safe, and make sure his PO (if there is one) knows that he's not living with mom anymore.
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