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  1. #1
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    how can she say that????

    Hey, guys i am just posting here to get rid of some anger and ask you for some suggestions.

    I am going on a trip this summer across russia and china by train, with a friend of mine. My grandmother came over today and started talking how I should be like a banker or an actor. Honestly I have no desire for those types of jobs. As of right now I enjoy teaching math, but I have a long way to go to becoming a Math Professor. I just wish that she would understand that I am not that interested in material wealth.

    But what really pissed me of was when she said, why are yougoing to China, and what possible could I learn from a 3rd world country.

    First of all china is NOT a 3rd world country. And there are a million things I could learn how people live, understand the world better, how people live, what I could do to make the world a better place.

    Sometimes I dont know how to deal with her comments. I wish she would just leave me alone when it comes to things like those. Has any one experience anything similar to this.

    P.S. I am guessing I shouldn't even tell her that I plan to do Peace Corp after college.

  2. #2
    Senior Member AraJudge's Avatar
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    Probably not the best way of dealing with it but this is the exact reason i don't talk to my dad anymore. Every time we got talking this same thing would come up... "What are you doing with your life?" At first i would get offended by these comments and wouldn't really respond with much. As i grew up a little now i still get these comments and now i tell him and i get these smirks and "your so going to suck in life" looks from him but i could really care less now. I know that in my life I'm doing what i want and it doesn't involve trafficking cocaine or exploiting people or trying to muscle businesses nor am i getting smashed every day and smoking pot so i think I'm good I like to take my life one step at a time and be that guy who helps out when people need help, honestly that's all i need to be happy that and a constant intake of knowledge and exercise AKA BIKING! XD

  3. #3
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    Sad that many parents try to relive their lives through their kids.

    I would say, "Well, have you been to China?" and if necessary, list of the many innovations China's had through the millennium. Then end with, "I'm going to live my life the way I want to, not the way you wished you could've lived yours.".

  4. #4
    long time visiter Alfster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kclv1988 View Post
    Hey, guys i am just posting here to get rid of some anger and ask you for some suggestions.

    I am going on a trip this summer across russia and china by train, with a friend of mine. My grandmother came over today and started talking how I should be like a banker or an actor. Honestly I have no desire for those types of jobs. As of right now I enjoy teaching math, but I have a long way to go to becoming a Math Professor. I just wish that she would understand that I am not that interested in material wealth.

    But what really pissed me of was when she said, why are yougoing to China, and what possible could I learn from a 3rd world country.

    First of all china is NOT a 3rd world country. And there are a million things I could learn how people live, understand the world better, how people live, what I could do to make the world a better place.

    Sometimes I dont know how to deal with her comments. I wish she would just leave me alone when it comes to things like those. Has any one experience anything similar to this.

    P.S. I am guessing I shouldn't even tell her that I plan to do Peace Corp after college.

    No one likes to hear criticism, especially from their family. However it's usually done out of love, not jealousy. Most parents / grandparents are concerned about their child's welfare. Will they succeed in life, will they turn out to be good people, etc? Unfortunately their definition of succeeding may not match their kid's definition. Either way, once you're an adult you can do as you please. Once they start to see your accomplishments in life, they'll likely have more respect for your chosen path in life. For now, my only advice would be to let her comments role off your back. You'll only regret escalating the issue.

    As I'm typing this, I realize that when I was younger, I would not have taken my own advice. It's only through life experiences that you realize what's important to you. For me, family is the most important thing in my life. I'm not willing to screw that up, no matter how much they may piss me off.

  5. #5
    Lost Again gitarzan's Avatar
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    I guess the answer stands on whether you stand to inherit anything. You don't want to get disenfranchised if she's the cash cow.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

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    Part of China is like a third world country. Parts of the big cities is like being in the US or Europe. You won't likely be able to visit the 3rd world parts of China, it's very hard for a westerner to get to see these parts. I was hosted by locals who pushed the rules but even they admitted it wasn't worth pushing too much because of the consequences.

    When you're in the developed parts of Shanghai, it's easy to forget that China is a strict communist country.

  7. #7
    Bike Junkie aadhils's Avatar
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    The first step to happiness is to not let the words of other people bug you.

  8. #8
    Senior Member DannoXYZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aadhils View Post
    The first step to happiness is to not let the words of other people bug you.
    What was that nursery-school rhyme about... something about sticks and stones???

  9. #9
    Senior Member Nimitz87's Avatar
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    China is a 3rd world country...most of it is actually.

    just because the major cities are developed doesn't mean the entire country is.

    Chad

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    Senior Member Ziemas's Avatar
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    You aren't going to change her mind, so just ignore her.

  11. #11
    J3L 2404 gbcb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baratta930 View Post
    You won't likely be able to visit the 3rd world parts of China, it's very hard for a westerner to get to see these parts.
    When were you here? That may have been true 10-15 years ago (and certainly before then), but no longer. There are very, very few restrictions on moving around the country as a foreigner other than linguistic challenges. Exceptions: military areas, Tibet (which you can go to, but which I believe still requires a separate permit), and parts of Xinjiang following the riots there (I think these have mostly been lifted by now).

  12. #12
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    It's a generational thing, I think. Their lives were built on necessity based on the circumstances they lived through, especially when it comes to travel.

    So, from her perspective, "So, you don't have to go to China to feed your family, and how would you get there anyway?"

  13. #13
    I... Don't care. nekohime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziemas View Post
    You aren't going to change her mind, so just ignore her.
    It's sad, but this is precisely why my next youngest sister (19yo) and I ignore our mother.
    Wanna join my charity folding bike ride? Sign-up here!
    Quote Originally Posted by AEO View Post
    you should learn to embrace change, and mock it's failings every step of the way :p

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alfster View Post
    No one likes to hear criticism, especially from their family. However it's usually done out of love, not jealousy. Most parents / grandparents are concerned about their child's welfare. Will they succeed in life, will they turn out to be good people, etc? Unfortunately their definition of succeeding may not match their kid's definition. Either way, once you're an adult you can do as you please. Once they start to see your accomplishments in life, they'll likely have more respect for your chosen path in life. For now, my only advice would be to let her comments role off your back. You'll only regret escalating the issue.

    As I'm typing this, I realize that when I was younger, I would not have taken my own advice. It's only through life experiences that you realize what's important to you. For me, family is the most important thing in my life. I'm not willing to screw that up, no matter how much they may piss me off.
    You bring up a good point, but sometimes it really gets to me some of the things she says. Sometimes the things she says hurt so much that I want for her to hurt just as much as I do

  15. #15
    Portland Fred banerjek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kclv1988 View Post
    I am going on a trip this summer across russia and china by train, with a friend of mine. My grandmother came over today and started talking how I should be like a banker or an actor. Honestly I have no desire for those types of jobs. As of right now I enjoy teaching math, but I have a long way to go to becoming a Math Professor. I just wish that she would understand that I am not that interested in material wealth.
    Rather interesting choice of "desirable" professions. I would think that being a professor would be more honorable, and in any case they do quite well.

    Unwelcome advice is something you should expect plenty of, but you should try to be as open minded. Just as some people might not be able to appreciate what you could learn by traveling across Russia and China, it is also possible that you might not appreciate insight they could offer based on experiences and observations they've had that you haven't had.

    In the case at hand, speak in declaratives (i.e. you're doing this right now). You're young, aren't saddled with responsibilities, and it takes a certain amount of sheer stamina to travel all over creation. If you're ever going to do it, this is the time. There will be plenty of opportunities for career building later. If you immediately start focusing on chasing cash, it's unlikely you'll find yourself with enough time for extended travel later, and frankly you'll handicap yourself.

    Spending your 20's in an office when you can see the world is a total waste. There is plenty of time for that later.

    BTW, don't let the advice get you down or mad. They only give it because they care. And I know it can be irritating since I sure as heck got plenty myself. Just learn to tune it out with a smile.

  16. #16
    Primate Metzinger's Avatar
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    The way I see it, people who are parents or grandparents often have a kind of emotional investment in their progeny's success. And by success I mean reproductive fitness. And by reproductive fitness I mean doing a regular job, earning money and having kids the way they did. Don't blame her, it's biological.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Snicklefritz's Avatar
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    ^^^+1000 to Banerjek's post. That's very sensible advice.

    Maybe consider telling her about some of the interesting things you plan to see which will tell her indirectly it's not 100% a 3rd world country. Not that she necessarily wants to learn something, but she's old and maybe deserves a break, particularly if she had to put up with her grandkids antics when they were younger. Nobody's perfect, so try to be nice and move on. If it's just this one time, no big deal. If she says this sort of stuff all the time, then just have quick conversations with her to tell her minimal stuff then go do your own thing.
    Last edited by Snicklefritz; 05-24-10 at 02:09 PM.

  18. #18
    Lost Again gitarzan's Avatar
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    You know what grandma really wants...

    ...So, get busy making them babies!
    Quote Originally Posted by Jseis View Post
    Is a ukulele player in a mandolin town and banned from all bars by the chief of police unless he leaves his strings and gravy at the front door.

  19. #19
    Portland Fred banerjek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metzinger View Post
    Don't blame her, it's biological.
    She wants the dude to become an actor.

    If he's successful (which is a million to one shot), the women he draws will mostly be bimbos so any kids will be imbeciles. Unless the reproductive strategy is to emulate the housefly example and just make as many as possible figuring that most will be lost, this does not sound like a winning strategy.

  20. #20
    Senior Member noise boy's Avatar
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    This is one of the many reasons I moved 3000 miles away from my closest family member 20 years ago.

  21. #21
    Primate Metzinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by banerjek View Post
    She wants the dude to become an actor.

    If he's successful (which is a million to one shot), the women he draws will be chesty so the kids will be well fed...this does sound like a winning strategy.
    Adjusted for perverse octogenarian perspective.

  22. #22
    Senior Member jdon's Avatar
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    THIS, (oops, meant to quote line 16) coupled with the inhibitions of speech that old age brings.

  23. #23
    Portland Fred banerjek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metzinger View Post
    Adjusted for perverse octogenarian perspective.
    But fake boobs aren't good for that.

    Maybe gran should just hassle him to become professor of something else. My guess is that if the OP could find a subject that he liked with better prospects for getting laid than math.

  24. #24
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    Sometimes I wish somebody, just ONCE, had asked me what I was gonna do with my life; maybe be on board with a suggestion or two, but nothing....

    If my kids want some direction for careers and such, they know I'll give them honest feedback; I do it for everything else. I HAVE made a point of telling them all that I want them to have a life so fulfilled and happy that the funeral home has to CHISEL the smile off their faces! Whatever my regrets are for my life, the course of their lives won't change a bit of that, so it's not their job.

  25. #25
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    i dont't know how old a u,may be your grandmother worried ur safety.
    but u need come to see by urself if u want to know a real China.


    crest,from Beijing,China

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